Aranis, Denzel, and I visited the lake yesterday.
Hans came to see us with his mate and their three new cygnets... Swans really are hopeless creatures, known for choosing and remaining faithful to one mate throughout the course of their life, often becoming depressed if their partner dies or disappears...
I am certain Aranis and Denzel couldn't see it, but I was not in the happiest of moods. Skye and I had spoken the night before, and just being in his presence is enough to piss me off. Instead, though, in my room that night with him, I had not gotten angry. Just sad, particularly after he told me that he remembered happy things that had happened between us and describing some of those things... And, ah, I'd rather not go into detail about it. He asked if he could sleep with me, and I told him that he had a husband to go to now. He didn't argue, and left, much to my favour, because as soon as that door shut, I began to cry.
I had promised him that same night that I would help brighten up his "boring" life by collecting some butterflies for him at the lake with Aranis, and he had frowned. But Aranis was not Denzel's daddy, Nameless, why are you taking him instead of me? Oh, why should I take you with me instead? You would only drown, hm? And then I would have to save you for the sake of Denzel and Bambi.
I failed, also, to take into account that the lake we were to go to was the very same lake where I had first met Cross, and we had some odd attraction towards each other and had spent the whole day in the water, kissing. I had never thought once about having an affair, or cheating on Skye with an absolute stranger, but when I left Cross that night, I didn't feel guilty. I wouldn't see him again until... I don't even remember, now. Untill I left Skye, or he left me. I don't remember quite how it happened... I don't remember quite a lot, actually... Perhaps dying was a good thing, after all, then.
I captured thirteen butterflies for Skye, all different species (though I can't tell which, I have never really taken it to mind to study butterflies), and left them in a jar by his and Elias's room before going with Aranis to his own room and sleeping.
I have been sleeping with Aranis nearly every night now. I am not one to be close to people, physically or socially, but I have this odd urge to be near him and to trust him, despite his reputation. I've never had a closer friend, not since Cross, and the relationship I had with him only withered after we confessed our love. I don't think I have the nerve to love again, now, and I don't think anyone will ever prove to me that it is okay to. I am not up for being hurt again, just yet...
But suddenly I don't feel the desire to go about sleeping with any person who consents. I want to go to Nemo and Nicole, and tell them that I want to forfeit from the bet I proposed. I am sure Nemo will give me hell about being in love with Aranis, but it isn't something I can't put up with, surely. If I give him a jar of cherries I know I can get him to shut up, bloody man-child.
As for Aranis, he still loves Keaira. He doesn't say much about Gabriel, and has not since he learned that Kearia and he were having a child. I pity him- the two people he loved the most having a child with each other. I wonder if he has even met Moira, and if he hasn't, I wonder how he would react to seeing her. I'd imagine it's difficult for him. I am glad to be there for him when he is upset. It is an honour to care for him.. But being around him is starting to scare me, and I am torn, because I can't decide if I should break away or let myself get closer... It doesn't help that Denzel is jealous of our relationship already. He seemed much better last night, but if anyone could get inside my mind, they would tell me that it is not wise to get any closer. Aranis and I are so close, yet so far from love, and though it is sometimes painful, I don't know if I could handle much else, or if he could. I'll let this last as long as it can... but nothing can change fate. Whatever is meant to be, I am certain, will work out perfectly, and so all anyone can do now is wait.
