You've Got Mail

Gabriel's Suicide Note

So go and tell all your friends
That I’m a failure underneath
If it makes you feel like a bigger man
But it’s my, my heart, my life
That you're calling a lie
I’ve played this game before
And I can’t take anymore

I feel it coming over me
I’m still a slave to these dreams
Is this the end of everything?
Or just a new way to bleed?

Dear Aranis,

                     By the time you find this, there will be a very great chance that I am now no longer on Earth with you, and, again, that I have left you for very selfish reasons.

You have taken me to this strange place in America, and now you've napped Denzel, as well. You told him you had a surprise for him, and that surprise was me. Neither of us expected that anything could go wrong...

But the look in his eyes when he saw me reminded me of what I am; A thief, a murderer, a liar. I thought that I lost my heart to you, but the fear that blazed within Denzel's gaze made me realise that I still had a small, damaged piece of it remaining.

To see a child regard you with such an expression, to see him burst into tears and sobs at the very sight of you, and to watch as he runs to hide and protect himself from you... Aranis, how did you expect me to stay after that? I love children, yet I cannot have any of my own... But still, ridden with hatred and bewilderment, I have destroyed every child I have come across, one way or another. Do you remember when Johanna was stolen? That was me, trying in vain to get her back. I just wanted a child, and she was given to me before she was even born. She was mine first...

And although I was not yours first, you were mine first...

I tried and succeeded in making an age reversal device in hope that you would want me again... Want me more. What I am now is obviously not good enough. Unfortunately, when my laboratory in Heaven was raided by Hell's allies and residents, it was stolen. My laboratory now lies in ashes, as I soon shall. There is no more hope.

I cannot see myself having a future on this Earth, and I especially cannot envision a future with you... Not a healthy one, anyway, or a long-lived one. Can you think to yourself, for my sake, why that is?

Why can I not have any thing that I want the very most? Or am I simply too blinded and shallow to keep trying? That can't be, though... I do not tire easily, but I now wish to be laid down to sleep for eternity...

Aranis, I am sorry- but I can no longer take being a slave to haunting dreams of innocent eyes. I love you, and I will forevermore, no matter where I may go... But I am not worthy... Not enough... Ruined... And unchanging for the better. It is better if I do not stick around...

Farewell, my love.

                                        -Gabriel Dae Keehl.


Sebastian's Letter to Ciel

To my dearest Ciel,

                          I regret having to inform you that something dire has come up in the nether regions of Hell, and I need you (or at least someone you find worthy) to watch over the Palace and Manor for me- and yes, that includes the people. Make sure to give Nemo lots of work, he tends to get himself hurt when he is bored. Unless, of course, you want him hurt, then take a picture so I can get a laugh out of it when I return.

I am unaware of how long I may be absent, but I presume it should be a little under two weeks. Please, be a good boy for me and inform the family of those listed below that they are safe with me:

Malphas
Luca
Johanna
Lachrimae
L
Sascha
Nameless
Dyfri

...Oh, it's nothing too important, for now, anyway. No worries...When I am not quite so preoccupied, I shall write you again with more details regarding this particular situation. I am afraid I must finsh this letter prematurely... I will try my hardest to get back to you very soon.

                                                          Love,
                                                                     Sebastian.

P.S. Please feed Megara and Styx (my cat) while I am gone. And please, please, do not kill or let them get killed somehow. Thank you.

Keaira's Letter to Cambion

                  Dear Cambion,

                                                   I'm really sorry to have left on such short notice, but I've decided to make room for some much needed... mother/son bonding time, with Caru. I'm also sorry I didn't even invite you.

He just seems very depressed lately, and I am extremely concerned about him.

I am taking him to the month-long summer festival in Hell, and we will stay there for about two weeks. Don't worry- I'll behave myself. I hope all the festivities will lift his spirits some, because, to be frank, seeing him so upset reminds me of the very last days I spent with Claude. I don't know what I would do if I lost Caru, as well.

I don't know why he is this horribly upset. I doubt it is just because of Aranis (though I can understand why that may be reasonable. Can't you?). Maybe I'll find out at some point. I give it... a 70% chance that I will. You can never quite tell with Caru.

Please do behave yourself while I am gone, and be nice to the other kids (*coughLachcough*) unless, of course, the other kids want to kick your butt, then you can do whatever you please to stop them. Also, you should kick Aranis in the crotch for me, and I will do whatever you want me to when I return. Promise.

I'll write again soon,

                                          Love and gay kisses (No, really.),

                                                                       ~Keaira.

Caru 


What would it take for things to be quiet?
Quiet, like the snow.
I know this isn't much but,
I know I could I could be better...

Denzel has finally returned from America, safely... with Aranis. Aranis with his... annoying flowy hair and the stupid eye patch and the stupid older person crap. Aranis who forces Denzel into a lot of situations without my knowing until it's already happened. Aranis who has gotten Denzel pregnant. Aranis who makes me look like the bad guy. 

No, but I guess I can't help feeling like that in general, anyway. 

When I returned from Heaven, I would cry if left alone, and go racing through the manor until I found company. Ever since Denzel left for America, though, all I've wanted is to be alone. As much as I love him, and my mother, Nemo... I feel distant from them. I don't mean to feel distant, and I don't want to alone, really, I don't think... But I have no friends. Even Echo doesn't count, she is more like a big sister to me. No one ever comes around, asking for Caru. It is always either, "Oh, hi Caru. Have you seen Denzel?" or "Have you seen Nemo?". No, I'm not jealous, I just feel insignificant  and forgotten a lot. 

After being raped, I had Nameless, Mum, Denzel, and Echo around to help me deal with it all. I got hugs and cuddles and words of reassurance. How could I want more than that? I should be thankful... I don't want to be a burden to the few people who I know consider me... So I'll leave them alone. Not that that even makes much sense if I don't want to lose them... but I feel so sad lately that I just don't really care. Negative energy is contagious... I wonder if this is how my father felt before he died... 

...How long does it take storm clouds to dissipate? 

Gabriel 

I can't run anymore,
I fall before you,
Here I am,
I have nothing left,
Though I've tried to forget,
You're all that I am,
Take me home,
I'm through fighting it,
Broken,
Lifeless,
I give up,
You're my only strength,
Without you,
I can't go on,
Anymore,
Ever again.

Constantly ignoring,
The pain consuming me,
But this time it's cut too deep,
I'll never stray again.

My only hope,
All the times I've tried
My only peace,
To walk away from you
My only joy,
My only strength,
I fall into your abounding grace
My only power,
My only life,
And love is where I am
My only love.

Nameless was indeed correct when he said there is no such thing as nothing- as not existing- as resting in peace. 

There is no escape from life. 

I am half human, and so my soul was tried, and I was condemned to Hell for all of the corruption I am responsible for. Sebastian promised my father that he would not torture me, but it is torture now that I crave. I deserve to suffer, for I have been nothing but selfish- that is what Johanna told me Aranis wanted to say. She doesn't have my necklace any more...

Without the torture I so crave, existing (for you cannot really call this "living") in Hell is dull and dreadful. I can go where I please if a guard (this is often Dyfri) supervises me, and I can wander aimlessly around every nook and cranny Hell has to offer. I suppose the best part, really, are the hateful gazes the demons shoot at me when I pass them by, and I smirk... Isn't this what I wanted, after all? 

Aranis wanted me for nothing more than companionship and sex. If he loved me, why would he do such things so early on? When he did them, did he even consider how I would feel if I found out? And I found out every time. I gave and trusted him with my heart, and now I haven't one, because it is his, and he has maltreated it. There is no reason to care any more- I feel nothing, and I shouldn't, anyway. Now I can continue making mistakes, and I know I will not regret them. 

Someone, please, come torture me before I am driven utterly insane...