Keaira- "Never Far"

"Put all your angels on the edge
Keep all the roses, I’m not dead
I left a thorn under your bed
I’m never gone

Go tell the World I’m still around
I didn’t fly, I’m coming down
You are the wind, the only sound
Whisper to my heart
When hope is torn apart
And no one can save you!"

I'm back and kickin' all right.

But so far, it's not been good; it's been shitty and so have I. Yeah, me. I'm on too many narcotics to keep up with, and now I can't even remember just why I am, anyway. Hell, I don't know why I do half the things I do anymore, or say, or think, or even mould into the form of an idea. Tell me, why am I even writing this?

Doesn't matter if no one hears me out. I don't really care, honestly. Heh~ Look what I've become. What am I worth? You're all entitled to your own opinions. So make some.

I dare you.


"I walk alone
Every step I take
I walk alone
My winter storm
Holding me awake
It’s never gone
When I walk alone

Go back to sleep forevermore
Far from your fools and lock the door
They’re all around and they’ll make sure
You don’t have to see
What I turned out to be
No one can help you!"

Well, Aranis. Hah! Why'd ya have to love me? Do you really think I deserve all that you have to offer? Why do you even think of me? Ever? Move on. Just don't do it in the way that I have.

I'm a crackhead. I'm a pedophile. I'm in love with my little brother. Or at least, I think I am. I feel I am. But what do I know? I mean, look how well love has worked out for me before! And who screws it all up? Me. Gee, I wonder why. I strive for impossible, ridiculous things. I'm too out there. My mind is too open. And so is my heart, in certain areas; whereas, in others, it is completely walled up and blocked off. Fuck, the damn think dun even beat anymore! I can't feel cold, nor warmth. I can't feel physical things much at all. So how, with this dead heart of mine, can I even have emotions?

Who am I to know?

"I walk alone
Every step I take
I walk alone
My winter storm
Holding me awake
It’s never gone
When I walk alone

Waiting up in heaven
I was never far from you
Spinning down I felt your every move!"

Cambion.

I'm sorry. Know that.

I've wronged you almost as much as I have wronged poor Aranis. I only hope you can forgive me; I won't come around as often, I don't think, for your sake. Because, I'm afraid now of hurting people. And at the same time, I don't care if I hurt them. I suppose it really makes sense; If I acknowledge that I don't care, why do I bother sticking around? What good is an arrogant prick like me gonna do for this place? There are enough problems here as it is. But I care. So I'll limit my time around you guys and be on my best behaviour when I am around you.

You've cared through all of this- all my mistakes and ill-minded thoughts and actions. And you... don't stop. You just care so much, therefore, I care about you. To be honest, I've lost quite a bit of respect for Aranis, of all people. Because he says he doesn't care. I don't care if he doesn't care about me, but it seems he doesn't care about anything. And that really bothers me. You have to care to lead a life worth living. You have to care about something. And if you do- you're making a good person out of yourself. Live, laugh, love... Yeah. That's how it goes.

If you need me, I've taken up residence at Lach and Tsumi's old cottage. No one likes going there anymore. So that's why I chose to live there. I've taken all my money and art from the flat in Kensington, and I'm doing good. I'm gonna get myself a nice job, too. I had about ten interviews today. I'm lucky; didn't think anyone would hire me, even consider employing me, what with my looks and all. I'm a bloody... demonic zombie. Yup, that about sums me up. Well, shit. No one's gonna change me now. Maybe they can teach me, and maybe I'll learn- but that doesn't change who I am or will be or must be.

Why?

'Cause I'm Keaira, that's why. And if you don't care for me, hey- fuck off. Heh~!

"I walk alone

I walk alone
Every step I take
I walk alone
My winter storm
Holding me awake
It's never gone
When I walk alone~"

Group Blog 5

Sebastian Michaelis

Ciel has been rather upset after all of the events that have occured as of late.

He certainly has reason to be (I should know), but that does not necessarily mean I can just let him remain in this state and dwell on all his emotions, by his lonesome.

And so about two days ago, I went into the city to hunt down a little gift for him.

The world is strange these days. But, better to be strange than to be boring, I always say... And speaking of strange, I happened upon Lachrimae's new girlfriend(???), Miss Echo Meine, in all her silver-haired glory.

She really is a very friendly girl, and I have taken quite a liking to her. Heh, but that's probably soley based on the fact that she helped me decide what I should give to my love.

Together- almost simultaneously- we began walking towards this cardboard box on the side of a road, and within it was a lovely little litter of-

Dogs.

Oh! such wretched creatures they are!

But I know that Ciel quite fancies them (Good, then, if I'm named after a dog, dammit!), and therefore, a puppy was just what I was going to bring home to him.

Easier said than done.

This little dog urinated all over poor Miss Echo.

When I arrived back at the manor with it, it left a present for me in the laundry room (I had gone into my quarters to fetch an old, yellowed hatbox) and it was not pleasant.

Dogs require constant attention, and along with that, potty training. I don't remember ever having to "potty train" a cat! How repulsive!

And so I took the hatbox and a spool of silken pink ribbon, and tied some of that ribbon in a bow around the dog's neck (cuteness appeal... it works wonders) and stuffed him (quite literally) into the box, in which I also tied up (very firmly).

When Ciel came through the door later that day, he seemed quite sullen- which would, I knew, either be perfect or would end in utter disaster.

But I cannot describe to you the manner in which his eyes lit up in such delight at the sight of the puppy. Even a smile came to grace itself upon his lips.

"Sebastian, this is lovely!" he proclaimed, ever so joyous.

Smiling is contagious, my friends, and I am proud of myself, and of my Ciel.

Now, this dog's training must commence... I will get no sleep. *sigh*

Keaira Dimitri Trancy

"Every night in my dreams,
I see you, I feel you;
That is how I know you
go on.

Far across the distance and spaces
between us,
You have come to show you go on.

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more, you open the door
And you're here in my heart and
my heart will go on and on."

You'd be proud of me, wouldn't you, my Claude? Even if you're dead, no matter where you are, you would be proud, yes?

I am finding strength everywhere I look. I have found the courage to go on and the love to help mend my wounds, though I know they will scar over, nonetheless.

And, my darling, my love, for the sake of even an immortal life, I will go on and I will find happiness, and in turn, create such emotions in others, for I cannot stand to see a frown plastered upon the face of a loved one.

Aranis is the prime example of such. I don't understand why he is so angsty, and it cannot be due to my pregnancy alone. So do you know what I did, love? I got him a bag of fresh carrots and I've ordered him this lovely little Arabian studhorse, in which should be arriving Saturday. And I've made him smile, but I am hoping that it isn't because I am giving him material items. I want him to appreciate that I am trying to make him happy, that I think of him, that I do, in fact, love him.

Now, don't get me wrong; I will always love you. And we will be together again someday. Alas, Aranis is not your replacement. I hate the mere concept of that. I had to deal with you thinking you were his replacement several times over, do you remember? It broke my heart, Claude.

It is indeed possible to love more than one person. I have been granted another chance to life and I refuse to let it go to waste; I will not rot away, a piece of corrupted, worthless, depressed rubbish.

Aranis needs me, too, Claude. If I fail to raise him up, he will rot away in the same way I might, if I let misery find her dwelling in my heart. I don't want that for him; I don't want him to end up like you. I don't want to see another dead body for as long as I live.

My heart doesn't beat anymore, Claude. Cambion said, it may be because you were my heart, and you are dead- therefore, my heart is dead because you are. I do wonder if it will ever beat again?

Our child is due tomorrow and I am so very exhausted... I certainly do not feel up to it. I'm quite frightened, really. I've never had a child before and it seems to be extremely painful and messy. But I really can't worry about that too much. I just want our baby to be healthy, really. And I want Aranis to accept him- he doesn't have to love him, but I would like him to at least be friendly. He and this baby are my world now.

I think I'll pay him a visit again, soon. I'm going to make him a carrot cake now, I do hope he likes it!

Lots of love,

                       Keaira~


Malphas Mephisto Trancy

My son will never stop hating me. He believes that if he were to give into my love just because I am his mother, the others would think him weak and cast him aside.

Comes to show just how valuable my love is, doesn't it, now?!

Both Alois and I found out that he was alive (I thought I had killed him) and Alois went off on one. And I thought, maybe if I go and ensure that Cambion dies this time, instead of walking off right after attacking, Alois will be happy.

I cannot tell you just how wrong my plan went, and I don't even know what happened.

And I can't even believe that I cried myself to sleep last night, thinking of Rosier and of Cambion and Alois and Solange and Keaira and... I don't know if I can take it much longer.

Damn it, who am I now? What am I? I don't know.

I need help and I'm not going to find it.

I'll just waste away and nobody will even notice... They never do, anyway.

Jazebel Keehl

L.

I don't know if I've saved him or not.

I gave my voice... Oh, my beloved voice...

Where is he?

What happened?

Jesus, Mello, I am going to hunt you down and I am going to find out just what the Hell is going on! I don't give a flying fox if I can't speak. Wherever you are, I will snuff you out, and I will make you tell me.

And the very same goes with Riley.

I don't know what to do with Cambion anymore. I just don't. He's been a sharp pain in the ass and heart for far too long now and it's painful.

I want to give up on him. Something won't let me. I care too much and I don't understand why. This is a tedious game, it is! Absolutely pointless, I will never win!

...But neither will Cambion, and I do think that is quite obvious.

Time is short when humans are thrown into the ingedients of life. Mortals. They die. Fast.

If you'll excuse me, now...

I've got a bone to pick with my father and Riley.

P.S. Pregnant Keaira is lovely, really. I get oodles of cuddles, and it makes me happy. No one ever shows me affection.

P.P.S. Cambion, I show you affection, not the other way around. So STFU.

Lecea Seleby Michaelis-Phantomhive

Bambi came to me crying the other night. He says Denzel died in the fire.

But Mummy said he only found five bodies. He says, Esperanza was so tiny that she probably just burned to ashes right quick! I don't know how big Denzel was, but maybe he suffered the same fate? Until I find out, I promise I will look for him, and bring him back to my beloved, dead or alive.

I promise you, my Bambi. Please don't cry anymore...

Group Blog 4

Sebastian Michaelis

"Look no more,
Only the weak use their eyes
But I, I will teach you right

Come with me, come inside;
Spread your sails, shed your pride
And don't mind those salty sips
That drag you down..."
Once upon a time,

I came to admire this small boy with mismatched eyes that seemed to gleam and sparkle with mischief.

And even though he was young, he seemed to understand more than any ordainary child his age should. I came to consider him not only as a friend, but as a son. I was more than obliged to take him in because he did not have a real home.

...But look what he's done now.

My beloved husband became quite upset with him one day and threw him out of the house (I still need to discuss this with him, in a calm manner, I hope).

The next thing I know, the boy- contracted with a young (and quite foolish) demoness- had ordered the estate to be lit up in flames.

Ciel was horrified, and he will come to me, and sob. Because the flames... His memories have been provoked and my poor Ciel has been forced to relive them.

This fire did not pass without several casualties. We lost all of our horses, the cat Ciel gave me for our honeymoon...

Skye and Nameless lost their youngest son, Denzel. Bless them...

And Ciel and I... lost six of our own children.

Malachi.

Serafina.

Desdemona.

Karasu and Anastasia.

And Esperanza, the youngest- only three years old, a twin to my little Eiri.

When I told Ciel... he was overcome with anger due to Cambion. Because we all knew it was him. No one else was foolish enough to do this. No one else has been vengeful enough.

We had thirteen- no, fourteen, living children (because our lovely Aranis has returned). Prior, we had lost four due to miscarriages- Well, I lost those. We are left with eight children.

In all, we have lost twelve.

Not only is this due to my recent inablity to manage incredible feats (I suddenly feel like a very old man, though that really is not far from the truth in human years...) but it is moreso due to Cambion.

When I attcked him last night, I decided it would be a very selfish act to finish him off all by myself. Surely there are plenty of others who deserve to see the little shitbag in pain, misery, suffering. I found it immensely amsusing myself! And do you know what? He's bloody daft; Yes! he told me he respects me! Oh, Cambion, darling... Respect the man who left you in such a horrible, disfigured state? All mangled and mauled?

Respect the man whose children you have so very heartlessly murdered? Ha!

You fool.

If he shows his face to me ever again, he will die right then, right there. Because I don't give a solitary shit about him.

When saying we hate him- I cannot even begin to tell you how underrated the word "hate" is.

And he lived happily ever after? ...I think not.

 You'll be slaughtered like the pig that you are.

Lachrimae Branwen Michaelis-Phantomhive

An addict to my tones,
You will drink me 'til you say when,
And then you'll have to drink some more:

You'll love me like the devil loves
To drink his water laced with wine,
But you won't, like him, be called an angel
When you fall..."
I've been living in a hotel since Piper and Cambion burned my hard-earned book store down. I suppose the upside to this is free wi-fi. *sigh* It's lonely here, though. It's not at all like the manor or my shop, filled with the smiling faces of people...

I feel rather guilty for letting it cross my mind that I should take this one lovely Spanish maid aside and have a little fling with her. I don't know why I feel guilty about it. I never have before- well, after my marriage fucked up, I mean. Women are easy to seduce... Well, that's what I thought, anyway.

But I can't look at this Spanish lady and not let my thoughts wander off to someone else.

Once upon a time, it was Tsumi, Tsumi, Tsumi...! But, now, when I'm falling asleep in the dark frigidness of this suite, and my eyes are closed... I think of my Alice, my ice queen- little Miss Echo. And I know it is the horrible blush upon my face when I think of her that warms me up. I don't blush...

Jesus! This can't be right. I feel like a schoolgirl! And that is not due to me being bisexual, I swear.

I started sweating last night- though the air condition was on full blast- because I feel like a bloody fool. And why do I feel as such?

Because I kissed her. She said she liked it, and then she ran away! What does that mean? Echo, you are so very confusing and I just cannot deciphor you. I wanted to kiss you. And I did. And you kissed back, and... Did that mean nothing to you?

You really do believe I'm a man-whore, don't you?

I was married to my half-brother and even had children with him. I've tried having sex with my own son's husband. I've had an affair with my own little sister. I took her virginity.

Tsumi's dead and was psychotic.

Alois I only wanted when I was drunk- or when my son drugged me up with a syringe and made my mind fuck up like the static on a TV screen. Hell, I've had sex with Malphas without even knowing until I came to and was told.

And Piper? She hates me. She scares me. She hurt my feelings. I'm too sensitive, and for a lady, she's too insensitve. I gave her flowers that night after Malphas drugged me, to show her how sorry I was. And she tore them up. And now she's burned my sanctuary to worthless ashes. I hope she's pleased that I want to cry.

And now Echo... Well, I have no plans on having sex with her anytime soon. Sex ruins things. And I'm sure she'd be frightened. I don't want to frighten her any more. I crave her friendship, for I am lonely, and she needs a friend too, because she's new to London and doesn't know much anyone.

I told her, people will say horrible things (though most are true) about me. Yes, I warned her that they might try and turn her against me. I told her I don't care what she thinks of me, because she should be free to have her own opinion. I told her all of this and she didn't run away. She said she didn't want to.

But she did.

And I'm sorry I kissed her, because I wanted her to stay. She's been so kind to me.. I want to tell her I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for fancying her.

So why is it I can't stop?

When my book-store is rebuilt and I manage to collect myself a nice amount of books and sweets and things of the sort, I'll let her have anything she wants, for free. She's a wonderful friend- more wonderful than most I've had in my past.

Would it be appropriate, Echo, to call you my best friend? After all, I've only known you for a short amount of time.

...But it's the truth.


L. Lawliet

"One day I'll be conquered by a wily voice and eyes
And my tomb will be the stage where
Great cities rise;

And the queen will be dead, long live the queen;
And the queen will be dead, long live the queen...

...You'll just be gone and I'll
Sing on and on
And on and on and on; to capture the next one..."I don't know what to say.

Blake has taunted me enough for my foolish mistakes.

I'm an angel. I shouldn't make these kinds of... sinful... mistakes...

What's wrong with me?

I had everything I could ever want, and I've fucked up now.

I can't blame Riley.

It's all my own fault.

I'm sorry, Riley.

I'm sorry, Mello.

I'm sorrry, Gabriel...

My fault? ...Yes, my fault. And Light's. Kira. Raito-kun. I fail to understand why-

But it isn't at all possible.

The bastard is burning somewhere down in Hell. And I should be laughing, because I was granted the gift of wings and a halo and...

I've fallen, nonetheless.

What good am I to anyone? Especially when I can't die?

I have betrayed Mello in unspeakable manners and I am so ashamed.

What's worse than him throwing that engagement ring to the floor is that I don't know where he is, or if he's okay...

Of course he's not okay.

I've had sex with Riley of all people, and I can't begin to imagine how fucked up that must appear to Mello.

And now his daughter is due to die.

And our child...

Oh, what was I thinking?

My heart hurts, Light... and it's all your fault!

Keaira Dimitri Trancy

"Long live the king, the king is dead;
Your prayers won't call him back to your bed
With all this blood I've laced upon the moon
No spells or tricks will bring him home:
Long live the king;
The king is mine, the king is dead!"
I was supposed to stay dead.

I want Claude. I want my parents. I want someone to love me and hug me and kiss the top of my head and hold me, and tell me that everything is all right, just like I'm a kid again.

I don't know if I'll ever stop crying.

Damn you Gabriel. Damn you for using me as an experiment! Haven't you ever read Frankenstein, you dork? Reanimation is sinful! A bad idea! You are not God! How can you even be an angel? You're sick!

I died so I could be with my Claude. And I want him back. I want him back right now! My best friend, my love, my only one...! Oh, Claude, come back, I say... Come back... Please...

Aranis is alive, in human form. He was there when I awoke in the laboratory. He ran away from me when I awoke, and now I know why.

I'm hideous. I look dead.

My skin is cold and grey. My once pink lips are chilled blue. My golden hair is now faded and dark and thin. My eyes are filmy orbs of frosted glass, icy and lifeless. And my nails are black.

I may look like a zombie, but I am, in fact, a full demon now.

I'm not beautiful anymore. I'm not beautiful on the outside, and not on the inside. They say your outward appearance reflects what you are, who you are, and how you feel on the inside.

...Fine, then. This is me.

I'm miserable and depressed and so very ugly and lifeless and worthless and pathetic and imcompetant and selfish and vile and hated and used and I am shit.

I don't see why Aranis gives a fuck about me. How could he love this? I don't want him to love me. I'll only hurt him again, and I'm afraid. I don't want that. What can I do, though, when he says he loves me? If I tell him I love him back, not only am I lying to myself, but I'm lying to him. False hope is horrible, but it is still hope. And the more hopeful he is, the harder he'll fall when he realises I'm lying. But I can't tell him I don't love him. He'll start hating me and become depressed. And I don't want that. He's still my friend, and he cares about me, perhaps even more than Claude ever did. And it hurts to acknowledge that. He must feel so unappreciated, but what can I do? I crave his companionship, but I'm scared- horrified to death- to love him. To love anyone anymore. I'm simply scared of people in general.

Claude used me because no one else liked him, and he needed sex, and I was a stupid, vulnerable child in love with him. Cambion uses me because he's afraid of being all alone. Aurelei- damn her to Hell.

I dont know what to do anymore.

I need help.

Somebody...!

Anybody...

Help me...

Keaira- "In the End"

(It starts with one)
One thing I don't know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Didn’t look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on but didn’t even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch you go

I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

One thing, I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I’m surprised it got so (far)
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
In the end

You kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter...

Dear Cambion,

You didn't honestly believe that I'd go off and leave you without a proper farewell, did you?

Of course I wouldn't.

I'm sorry if my writing is lacking in this final note of mine; I am afraid I am quite high and cannot focus sufficiently at all.

Heh~ I think it's only now that I'm regretting doing this to myself. Right as I'm about to die. When I know it's too late to turn back now.

But Claude damn well acknowledged- and I did warn him- that if he took his life, I would follow him. I'd go wherever he would. I always will. I don't expect you, my dear brother, to fully understand this, as you claim you have never- and never will be- in love.

Claude killed me.

But I killed him all the same.

I cannot imagine the way he felt. Because I have never been in his posistion. So like Aranis, lay his bloodied body sprawled across the floor, stiff and lifeless, his skin grey and his golden eyes- oh, those magnificent pools of pure gold I so loved- dulled over so very horribly. I closed my eyes and spun around, because, I thought, if I looked back again, he wouldn't be there. Yes, I must be hallucinating!

Such was not the case.

Claude was dead. Is dead.

Those magnificent orbs of eyes fading, dying, like early morning embers...

It was the most unbearable scene I have ever witnessed in my sixteen years alive.

And why? Because I loved him.

I and don't understand why he did it. I don't! And it's so very unfair! Oh, Cambion, he and I were going to get married! I had proposed to him just the night before, and he had said yes, and we had made the sweetest of love and he had told me the most tooth-rotting confessions, and I was so happy!

I must be a fool to believe he mirrored my very feeling. Damned fool I was and am and shall be!

And thus, despair has come to claim her prey. Misery has found her dwelling in the very pit of my mortal heart and it is unbearable.

In case you have not been informed prior, I will have you know that Aranis is indeed alive. As a little black rabbit. And I did see him before I returned here to sob into my love's body, and he bit me, because he was so very jealous that I have found love.

I do hope he has not resorted to anything rash- again.

Please, go find him for me, and tell him, it's all his fault I'm dead. And you damn well know why I believe that is.

And have someone go and tell Daddy he was right about Claude.

And tell Ciel that I hope he's happy and that Aranis is alive.

No, I never, per se, hated my life.

I never considered it unbearable. I’d call this feeling— this churning mass of broiling self-hatred— unbearable, but no.

No.

What's unbearable is laying here in the dark of the night with its blanket of thick cloudes masking over the full moon. I can't see anything but Claude. What's unbearable is knowing that I couldn't do anything to save him. I could never make him happy.

What's unbearable is having finally found love, and being left- in the end- to wonder if you were loved back.

Claude, did you know how much I love you? Did you have even the smallest, miniscule inkling? My darling, why did you leave me? And without a good-bye? When I thought you were happy! When I thought we could all be happy- Yes! me and you and our little daughter! Together, a family! My very best friend, my only love, my only, only, only one...

I had so much hope.

And in a solitary, lonesome heartbeat, it's all gone, and it hurts so bad.

I can feel my heart within me contracting violently, enlarging, because the drugs I have taken will surely bid it to explode and create quite a mess. If ever a broken heart existed, it certainly is my heart now.

I love you Claude. I miss you. I want to be with you. Forever and ever, for death cannot part us...

Cambion, what's unbearable... is knowing that loving him killed him.

I love you, Cambion.

I love you, Dad.

I love you, Mum.

I love you, Aranis, and Ciel, and Sebastian, and... everyone, even if they have hated me.

Maybe you'll all die now, just like my beloved, in agony, feeling worthless and unloved and wretched and vile and simply disgusting like the writhing, ravenous little maggots that will soon devour my very flesh and dispose of all of me, yes, the waste that I am!

I can't save myself now! No, so I might as well get myself higher, and contaminate my body Claude thought to be so pure once upon a time with all these filthy, filthy drugs! And I'll die tonight. I'll die.

And I don't care.

Adieu.

-Keaira Dimitri Trancy, September 6, 3:18 a.m.

Group Blog Three

Sebastian Michaelis-

Ciel smiled.

I made him smile.

I feel... astonishingly accomplished.

Because he rarely smiles, and I cannot begin to express how happy I myself feel knowing I was the one to force that grin upon his face.

It's pleasant to feel like his lover again. It's... such a relief to have regained sanity.

He flashed me the most amazing expression last night... His eyes- both blue again due to our contract having fallen void a while back- shimmered as if a thousand stars resided within them, warming me to the very core and sending chills down my spine.

He loves me, this I know...

And it is the most wonderful feeling I have felt in all my years alive.

His smile made this feeling all the better.

I'm going to rant about this forever if I don't make myself stop...

He'll probabably yell at me when he awakens, because he fell asleep before I could give him a bath, and he deliberately told me that he wanted one.

He's such a child when he doesn't get his way...

I am determined to stay strong for now on for both of our sakes. And for the sake of the children.

If I break down one more time, everything will be ruined.

And I know all too well that even Ciel himself is going to test me...

And I must not be driven into madness.

Jazebel Keehl-

Cambion has been a pain in my ass lately.

He honestly possesses no talent save that of getting himself injured and almost killed. Far to frequently. I'm losing motivation here.

I don't listen to half the things he tells me anymore. Most of what he says is pointless to begin with, and he wonders why I don't talk much. He thinks I'm upset when I go quiet. But I'm only responding to him with pointless answers to match his pointless questions.

Nothing interesting happens. It's been the same "Oh, Cambion's been attacked and is dying someplace; let's go save him!" routine for quite a while now, and quite frankly, it's boring me.

We never talk about anything interesting anymore. He relies on me to create topics to discuss and I cannot think all of the time! Goddammit, I'm a bloody blonde here, Cambion! Don't expect too much from me, now. You'll be quite disappointed.

Malphas attacked him about a week ago and he's this one horrid scar upon his face in which- for whatever reason- I am unable to heal no matter how hard I try. I don't know if it bugs me or not. His face was so lovely...

Now it's a mangled mess.

Should I pity him? He seems to have accepted it, but... with Cambion, you can never really be certain.

I still think he's lovely, though, no matter how... dumb... he can be. I intend to keep my word to him and fullfil this contract I have formed with him.

I would hate to disappoint him more than anything.

And speaking of which, I am due to die soon...

Does he realise that if I die before him, he will not be saved in death? He refuses to go back to the manor for my saftey, but I personally suspect he indeed has figured that he will not be safe without me- Then again, there are plenty of devils here to go around, many who seem to adore him.

Which must make my love for him seem like nothing.

Which makes me angry.

And I want to destroy something now.

So if you'll excuse me...

Gabriel Day Lawliet-Keehl-

I was playing with Ajax just a couple of days ago, right outside Alois and Malphas's palace, and I saw this man with long brown hair. I could hear him singing, and I was really very curious, so I decided I should follow him, because he had a pretty voice.

I went up to him, and I tugged on his sleeve, inquiring of him what he was doing. And he asked me if I was lost, his green eyes stretching wide, and I told him no, and that I wasn't little. He told me he was going home.

I wanted to introduce myself, and so I did. And he said,

"Hi, kid. I'm Riley." With a massive hand, he patted me on my head and handed me the jar of peanut butter he had been carrying with him. "Here. You can have this."

So, like a good boy, I thanked him. He told me he really loves peanut butter, and I smiled really wide, 'cuz I like it a whole bunch, too. There was a pretty golden ring on his finger that I suddenly found him staring at, and I asked him just what exactly it was. He told me it meant he was getting married. I asked him, "To who?"

I wasn't expecting what he would say next. "Mello." He beamed.

Mello! My daddy! I was so happy, 'cuz my daddy's gonna get married! But when I told Mister Riley this, his smile fell and his eyes went real dull, and he asked me who my mummy is.

I don't remember how Daddy told me to pronounce it, and so I stood there for a long time, trying to pronounce it right, and finally uttered out a simple "L" because Daddy told me that was Mummy's nickname. L.

"...Oh." Mister Riley gradually seemed to appear more and more sad, and it made me feel a bit sad, so I laughed, and I said:

"Daddy's marrying you? You seem really nice!"

I don't think I mind that Daddy's gonna marry Mister Riley 'stead of Mummy. 'Cuz sometimes, I hear that happens. Daddies don't marry mummies all the time, I don't think. But I dunno. I like Mister Riley. But I still have to meet Mummy. I hope he's nice and I hope even more that he likes- no, loves- me...

I watched Mister Riley slip the ring off of his finger and stuff it into his pocket, his face flushing over and his pretty, emerald eyes brimming with water.

"M-maybe I was wrong..." And I asked him how he could be wrong about something like that. He said he didn't know and stared off for a brief moment before bursting into tears.

I don't like it when people cry. It makes me sad. So I, biting a nail, asked him what was wrong, but he didn't answer, and just sank down into the yellowing grass that Autumn brings along. And he sobbed.

I gave him a real big hug because hugs always make things better.

Or so I thought.

He told me to please stop touching him.

I was taught to listen when someone asks me to do something nicely. So I backed away, and went home with Ajax, because I didn't want to make Mister Riley more upset than necessary.

I hope he's okay, really.

I want to see Daddy again, 'cuz I want to talk with him about this, and I want to ask him about Mummy, and I want to ask him if I can go to school.

I really like learning... I want to be smart. Really, really smart. So I can help people and make them feel all better! I want Mister Riley to feel better too.

Maybe I'll see him again someday. I do hope so.

I hope we can be friends.

L. Lawliet-

My Gabriel is alive...

I can't believe it.

Mello told me the news and I couldn't help but to be overcome with emotion.

After all, it's only natural for a parent to shed tears when they find out their child- whom they believed was dead- is actually alive and well, isn't it?

I want to see him again soon. I would simply... love that. Mello has regained his memory. And I hope more than anything he and Gabriel and myself can become a family. The very concept itself makes my heart leap, and I want to sing, because it is simply glorious.

My child is alive. My lover- fiance, actually- remembers everything once again. I want this to go right for us. I want to have a real family. I do believe I'm ready.

I couldn't be any happier, I don't think.

This is as close to perfection as one can ever get.

Lachrimae Branwen Michaelis-Phantomhive-

I've been spending the majority of my time now out in London. I'll more than often vist the Hard Rock Cafe, and I drop by pubs and I'll order myself a round of shots. Sometimes I'll go and watch local dog shows. And as for the rest of my time, I am the owner of a book store.

Not that such is important to anyone else. But I'm happy.

I've met this lady from America. She's awfully charming, really, with her pale hair so akin to the snow and her eyes, two pools of pristine ocean water from the Atlantic itself. She can be quite nervous at times, but I think that's due to the fact that every time I see her, she is consuming some sort of sweet. She reminds me of my father somewhat, actually. But with a better additude, in which is quite the relief.

Hm, but I do think I have frightened her.

You see, little Miss Echo Meine does not believe in the afterlife, and therefore, I was quite insulted. She told me she didn't believe in God or angels, or demons.

And so I showed her my true self.

...Do you believe now, Miss Meine?

We are always watching, and I can promise you, my lovely...

We will meet again, my snow white queen...

Malphas Mephisto Trancy-

Having a new baby around is exhausting.

It feels as if it's been forever now since I've changed a nappy, or since I have had to prepare bottles, or have these small, greedy, rosy lips greedily attempting to latch onto my nipple beneath my shirt, trying for a suckle.

Oh, Luca, what am I to do with you? You are even more demanding than your father.

I must feed you every two or three hours and you rarely even sleep. You simply stare at me with those big eyes of yours, laying on your back and making cooing noises. And you never cry, yet, when you have soiled yourself or are hungry, you scream as if you are a pig being slaughtered. I am going to go deaf, I say! Is it natural for a child to scream so very loudly? Keaira certainly never did, nor Solange (may she rest in peace), nor even Cambion.

And you screech like a banshee until you have your way, and the second you find pleasure, your sceaming ceases and your horrid frown immediately becomes a wide smile, and you'll giggle and produce spit bubbles, so very innocently.

You are the most adorable little child, but you are just a handful.

Alois, my love, help me...

This child of ours makes me so...

so...

sleepy...

Keaira Dimitri Trancy-

I'm going to explode.

"Cambion's a shitbag; Claude doesn't like me; I don't love Mummy, Papa; Aurelei got sick on me, it was gross; Keaira, you are a man-whore, don't grab my ass, it's not funny!..."

Aranis is alive.

Claude is being impossible.

Cambion is far too demanding.

Aurelei doesn't respect Claude.

Jazebel is a total bitch.

Guess what Cam? Wishes do come true. Hey, Ciel, I hope you're happy. 'Cuz yours bloody came true.

What am I to do?

I don't know.

Growing up is no fun.

I've not been the same since New York, nor Aranis's death.

Things seem to be getting worse rather gradually.

Claude is a tease. He won't marry me nor even give me a chance to propose.

I'm starting to try and jack off with Jazebel of all people because I am indeed a desperate whore.

Who gives a shit anymore?

No, everyone else, come tell me your problems! I'll gladly listen because I don't want to bitch to you about all of mine or my thoughts!

Aranis didn't bloody care when he cheated on me with Sebastian and told him he loved him! He said he would only ever love me! And it's all his fault I am the way I am now! I hate him. I hate him. He could have chosen someone else aside his father. He could have told me he didn't love me like he said he did. He could have left me properly instead of fucking acting as if it wasn't important to me. It hurt me.

When I met Claude, he quickly became my friend. He was there with me through all of Aranis's little experimentations. He didn't kiss me until after I learned what Aranis had done with Sebastian. And when I learned, I deliberately attempted to seduce Claude, as revenge, and I let him take me. Because I thought it was only fair.

I didn't think I would fall in love with him.

When the realization struck me...

I went to Aranis, telling myself I still loved him, that he was my only one. I was hurt. What was going on? I was too young. Thirteen.

I played dead. I ran off to New York for three years. I had myself some whores. I tried out drinking and I got high more often than not. I would slit my wrists and legs and every part of my body I could reach. One night, in the midst of the storm, I swam out in the middle of the Atlantic, and I screamed at the sky, and dared to lightning to come and strike me down like a blasted tree.

It never did anything.

Jazz was the one who made me go back to London.

And... then I went and I was a total ass to Aranis. I told him I didn't love him and a bunch of other obviously rude things.

He killed himself before I got a chance to tell him I was sorry.

Am I sorry now?

No.

Love seems to have tainted mine and Claude's friendship. It's almost as if we're not as close anymore. Am I loving him in vain? Am I his Aranis? Is that my role in life now? Is this my punishment? ...

I just want things to go back to the way they were, sometimes...

I really fucked up, I think.

All over what I thought was a broken heart.

No, it was something else... Wasn't it?

Nameless-

I've come home now, Skye. Just for a visit. I've come to see you for a few days. I don't really know why. It's as if some unseen force has guided me back to Phantomhive, to come and see you and the children.

I don't want to be in a relationship with you again. I'll be your friend, but nothing more. Because that makes things complicated. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't know right from wrong.

You don't think, Skye. You aren't considerate of my feelings. You do things behind my back and act as if it's all okay. You don't seem to care much if I'm hurt. You'll act concerned for five minutes, and then, you'll quickly lose focus, and forget anything has ever happened to hurt me.

I want to hate you, but I can't, because I know you don't know any better.

I know you believe you love me.

But you had your chance, and you blew it- out of sight, out of mind.

So shut your mouth, I just can't take it, again and again and again, and again...

Since I've been gone, I can breathe for the first time in a long time. I'm moving on now.  I'm sorry. But this is what I want and I'm going to get it.

No more kisses, Skye. Not anymore. I will visit you and Bambi and Denzel whenever you lot wish me to.

But I have a life to live and I can't take care of you. I'm too incompetent. Please be nice to Eli, he did nothing to deserve such foul treatment.

If you're going to be rude to anyone, victimize me.

Because I'm not putting you first anymore.

There's a line you've helped draw.

And you've crossed it again.

You never learn, do you?

Lecea Seleby Michaelis-Phantomhive-

I don't want to say anything. I don't know what to say. I'm just so angry. At everything.

No, Mum, I don't care that you and Father tried to make me. I don't care that I'm here. I don't care at all. I wish you would have miscarried me like you did those other four children you lost. I wish I could have caused you pain in your womb, and I wish I could have passed out of you in a pool of blood, having never had the chance to live. I wish I wasn't here. I don't see the point in life on Earth. It's fucking miserable.

And the worst part about being a demon is that I don't ever- no, never- get to die. I have to live forever and ever and ever. If the Earth dies, I don't get to die along with it. I just get to move on to another world. Probably Hell. I'll never know Heaven. I'll never know death. I'll never know pain now, either.

Because I ruined myself. I am but a weed among a field of beautiful flowers, with my crippled leg and my scrawny body, and my mismatching, dull eyes, and my ancient-coloured hair, and my... my... everything.

Bambi deserves better.

I acknowledge that I'm stupid. My logic is shit.

Bambi said Cambion told him he and I did things.

The day after this rumour was told to Bambi, I was in the stables, taking out a yearling so that I might train him, and I saw Bambi walking by. I went to greet him and he blatantly ignored me, and kept walking.

It made me angry. I put the horse back in his stall and just left the manor, to pay a visit to Cambion.

And when Cambion told me what he had said to Bambi, I was furious. But I didn't show it. Not really.

Instead, I kissed him. Twice. Because I thought, if Bambi doesn't trust me, I'm not going to let him think so in vain! Stupid idea. So, so stupid. How could I? What's wrong with me? First off, I hate Cambion. But the main point is that, I could have just let this all be, and I could have gone to Bambi, and told him nothing was true, and everything would be fine and dandy and goddamned peachy right now! But no. I had to get angry, and I had to kiss Cambion. How can I feel sorry for myself when it's all my fault?

Because I'm selfish, maybe. And I have the brain the size of my own pinky nail, I'm certain. And I'm psychotic as all Hell.

I've been nice to Cambion lately, too. Because when I'm really angry, I get nice. I don't understand why. But he will come back to the manor one day.

And the very godforasken second he does...

Heh~