Keep all the roses, I’m not dead
I left a thorn under your bed
I’m never gone
Go tell the World I’m still around
I didn’t fly, I’m coming down
You are the wind, the only sound
Whisper to my heart
When hope is torn apart
And no one can save you!"
I'm back and kickin' all right.
But so far, it's not been good; it's been shitty and so have I. Yeah, me. I'm on too many narcotics to keep up with, and now I can't even remember just why I am, anyway. Hell, I don't know why I do half the things I do anymore, or say, or think, or even mould into the form of an idea. Tell me, why am I even writing this?
Doesn't matter if no one hears me out. I don't really care, honestly. Heh~ Look what I've become. What am I worth? You're all entitled to your own opinions. So make some.
I dare you.
"I walk alone
Every step I take
I walk alone
My winter storm
Holding me awake
It’s never gone
When I walk alone
Go back to sleep forevermore
Far from your fools and lock the door
They’re all around and they’ll make sure
You don’t have to see
What I turned out to be
No one can help you!"
Well, Aranis. Hah! Why'd ya have to love me? Do you really think I deserve all that you have to offer? Why do you even think of me? Ever? Move on. Just don't do it in the way that I have.
I'm a crackhead. I'm a pedophile. I'm in love with my little brother. Or at least, I think I am. I feel I am. But what do I know? I mean, look how well love has worked out for me before! And who screws it all up? Me. Gee, I wonder why. I strive for impossible, ridiculous things. I'm too out there. My mind is too open. And so is my heart, in certain areas; whereas, in others, it is completely walled up and blocked off. Fuck, the damn think dun even beat anymore! I can't feel cold, nor warmth. I can't feel physical things much at all. So how, with this dead heart of mine, can I even have emotions?
Who am I to know?
"I walk alone
Every step I take
I walk alone
My winter storm
Holding me awake
It’s never gone
When I walk alone
Waiting up in heaven
I was never far from you
Spinning down I felt your every move!"
Cambion.
I'm sorry. Know that.
I've wronged you almost as much as I have wronged poor Aranis. I only hope you can forgive me; I won't come around as often, I don't think, for your sake. Because, I'm afraid now of hurting people. And at the same time, I don't care if I hurt them. I suppose it really makes sense; If I acknowledge that I don't care, why do I bother sticking around? What good is an arrogant prick like me gonna do for this place? There are enough problems here as it is. But I care. So I'll limit my time around you guys and be on my best behaviour when I am around you.
You've cared through all of this- all my mistakes and ill-minded thoughts and actions. And you... don't stop. You just care so much, therefore, I care about you. To be honest, I've lost quite a bit of respect for Aranis, of all people. Because he says he doesn't care. I don't care if he doesn't care about me, but it seems he doesn't care about anything. And that really bothers me. You have to care to lead a life worth living. You have to care about something. And if you do- you're making a good person out of yourself. Live, laugh, love... Yeah. That's how it goes.
If you need me, I've taken up residence at Lach and Tsumi's old cottage. No one likes going there anymore. So that's why I chose to live there. I've taken all my money and art from the flat in Kensington, and I'm doing good. I'm gonna get myself a nice job, too. I had about ten interviews today. I'm lucky; didn't think anyone would hire me, even consider employing me, what with my looks and all. I'm a bloody... demonic zombie. Yup, that about sums me up. Well, shit. No one's gonna change me now. Maybe they can teach me, and maybe I'll learn- but that doesn't change who I am or will be or must be.
Why?
'Cause I'm Keaira, that's why. And if you don't care for me, hey- fuck off. Heh~!
"I walk alone
I walk alone
Every step I take
I walk alone
My winter storm
Holding me awake
It's never gone
When I walk alone~"
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