Nameless - "Time-Keepers"

"Time, it took us
To where the water was
That’s what the water gave me
And time goes quicker
Between the two of us
Oh, my love, don’t forsake me
Take what the water gave me

Lay me down
Let the only sound
Be the overflow
Pockets full of stones

Lay me down
Let the only sound
Be the overflow..."

Cross is dead.

Yesterday, I made time stand still and slipped from the cuffs that bound Skye and me together, and I went to pay Cross a visit- so that I might bid him a final farewell.

I told him of my pregnancy and that I was going home, after all this time, and that I was staying there. At first, he appeared surprised- but, oh, the pregnancy. He turned an ashen shade, and stared down at his shoes.

"You... went out as well last night.... It's Skye's."

I said nothing to him in regard of whom the father is.

When I looked back up at him, tears were streaming freely from his violet gaze. He trembled, trying to laugh at some point before realising his vocals had twisted into a pitiful sob, and he quieted himself. I asked him,
"Do you think you would ever kill someone, Cross?"

"Nobody but myself."

"Don't say that."

"Oh, it's a joke, Nameless... Isn't that what we psychotic people do? Make dark jokes?" And he claimed he was happy, but I did not believe that claim for a second.

"I'm sorry, Nameless... I said my heart was yours, that you could have it..." From his coat, he pulled a glass heart of the deepest shade of crimson, and he slid it across the table, to me. "I will not betray you."

I told him that I am a coward- and I am- and that I was not ready for any of this. I am so afraid... of everything...

"Go back to Skye, and raise that beautiful child with him... Take my heart, but forget my face, forget everything about me... You're stronger than you think, Nameless..."

"Skye will die if I leave him again... He wants me to kill Elias, and Elias to kill you...!" (But honestly, Elias- Did you expect me to be the king's advisor and be unaware of your little secret? How sadly amusing...)

"I'm already dead, it's all right."

"What?" I did not understand. This boy was not a ghost. What was he talking about?

"Nameless, oh Nameless... My heartbeat intrigued you the other day, and I told you, it was merely a time-keeper. The blood that pulses through one's veins, their heartbeat... That is only anatomy- If their soul is damaged enough, what is life but a vague and contridicting lie?"

I sat on the floor, contemplating this, and all I could manage to say was "I don't want them to hurt you, Cross..."

"What would me being a corpse and not of this earth affect you? And it's fine, it shouldn't. It shouldn't with anyone..."

"Then, let me have your soul..." I am selfish.

He said he was not ready to give it up, and so I told him to stop saying stupid things. Then he said, he would cancel it, and blubbering, he pulled it out, saying I could have his sould now.

I asked him if he was certain about his decision, and he turned to me, purple eyes dull and stoic...

"Would it make you happy?"

"What is it you want, cross"

"To live a happy life. No, nothing perfect. Nothing is ever perfect, and I like that. But I seem to mess up everything in my life. I'm selfish. I call myself an artist... my wrok is redundant and nothing special... Would my soul ever be pleasing! Ha!"

"Then, live..."

From the table, he drew a blade and slashed a crooked line deep into his jugular until the blood squirted out uncontrollably, and he began to gag and cough and produce spattered noises to accompany that crimson liquid...

"And oh, poor Atlas
The world’s a beast of a burden
You’ve been holding on a long time
And all this longing
And the ships are left to rust
That’s what the water gave us

So lay me down
Let the only sound
Be the overflow
Pockets full of stones
Lay me down
Let the only sound
Be the overflow..."

"You might a-as we- well... take my soul now." said he, and, my composure unfaultering (as I was in shock), I outstretched an arm, and withdrew the knife from his grasp, letting it fall to the tile floor below with a jingle, a clink, a ring of silver that pierced through the ominous silence.

My friend, Cross, died with a smile on his face. And as he died, I took him by his coat collar and pulled him into one final kiss, and stole from him his soul.

I did not cry, but took his wounds and healed them, and I took his glass heart and infused it with his soul... What I did with his body is not to be spoken of.

"‘Cause they took your loved ones
But returned them in exchange for you
But would you have it any other way?
Would you have it any other way?
You couldn't have it any other way..."
Skye... He's dead, just like you wanted. Just like you wanted...

Always what you wanted...

Let this child foretell our fate, my love, I love you... Love me, only me, always, and forever...

"‘Cause she’s a cruel mistress
And a bargain must be made
But oh, my love, don’t forget me
I let the water take me

Lay me down
Let the only sound
Be the over flow
Pockets full of stones

Lay me down
Let the only sound
Be the overflow

Lay me down
Let the only sound
Be the overflow
Pockets full of stones

Lay me down
Let the only sound
Be the overflow."
And such is the end of the story
of my dear friend,
Cross. Farwell, you psychotic son of a bitch...



 

Sebastian Michaelis

Ciel is on leave for approximately two months. I'm frightened he won't be home in time for Christmas... Even though we are as we are, it is still a lovely time in the year for family and I wouldn't fancy sleeping alone on Christmas Eve.

While he is gone, I have busied myself with creating a parliament within my extended kingdom of Hell- because I cannot be there all the time, hence, such a government structure is needed- and it is the most tedious ordeal.

Meanwhile, at home, I have been a horrible old thing, throwing chairs and harming the children.

 I wrote a letter to Ciel today and I should hopefully have one in return from him by Monday...

I am slowly losing my patience for life on Earth. Suddenly, time does not go by so fast anymore...

Caru Faustus

I've lost my pride, my innocence, to Denzel.

The boy who calls that silly old bear his lover.

The boy who wears dresses without a care in the world.

The boy who...

Who makes me so very angry.

I do not want to risk falling in love with someone like him. I am not certain if I trust him entirely. There is this nagging voice in the back of my head... Is such a valid excuse to be frightened? I think not.

No- what is frightening is that he would go so far as to hurt himself out of guilt.

He bent his finger back until it gave a loud crunch and pop and was fractured last night, because we were playing a game, and he had dared me to go and slap Sebastian and call him a baka- Sebastian gave me quite a few blows with those heavy, clawed hands of his. I will be honest- it did hurt, very much.

Denzel figured that if I was hurt, he had to hurt as well, for he was the cause of my pain.

What a moron.

I do not want to have sex with someone of such a low mentality. I should not fall in love with him. I should not let emotions nor hormones rule. Ego sum daemon.

Hm, scratch the hormones bit, then.

...And if I happen to fail, then so be it, yes?

I am going to discuss this with Eevie...

Keaira Dimitri Faustus

Mother has tricked Cambion into taking a potion that transferred the illnesses of our extended bloodline into his frail body- everyone is healed, and he must now carry each of their burdens.

I haven't one idea of how to fix it, at all. I need to know. Mother refuses to tell me and I am becoming- frustrated is a major understatement.

I am thinking too slow. Researching too slow. Taking my precious time...

Last night, Echo asked me something that had not crossed me mind prior:

"Is he going to die?"

...Not if I can help it, he won't. I must hurry despite any reassurances Cambion may give me that he is not dying.

Time waits for no one.

Nameless

"Long ago, whenever we'd meet,
we would always fight, lie, and scream-
Yet, I still look back on those days so fondly.
Because of you, I am the person who is
standing here before you;
And no matter how hard it may be, I can grasp ahold
of happiness, I believe..."

Dear Skye,

I'm gone again, but by the time you read this, you'll already know that, I guess...

I miss you. I always will. I miss you, even when you are right beside me. I feel so far away from you now... It never used to be like this.

I ran, because I got scared. I get scared easily. I don't trust anyone.

And I stabbed Elias for those exact reasons.

I didn't think I would actually hurt him, because, I'm blind.

Not to mention, I treat the children like rubbish. I don't spend time with them and I when I am given the chance to, I become unstable, and I yell at them.

I don't expect you or anyone to come after me now. I'd only run again unless you kept me locked away.

I should have just stayed dead... I'm miserable to such an extent that I am hurting other people...

How pathetic.


-Don't hurt Lucky, cheer up Den, and be nice to Bambi,
                                                            Nameless.
"Even though my hear is aching,
and my weakened spirit, breaking,
I will find a way to keep
all those dreams we made so long ago.
I'll return to where it began,
and I'll thank God for the times we had,
so when I wake up to morning, I won't cry
even though I'm alone."



Lachrimae Branwen Michaelis-Phantomhive

"When I try to look through the past,
I can finally start to see
that we were so young, full of life, and naive.
And now I question if this life we hold
is nothing more than fleeting dreams;
But those thoughts, they only hold me back
from becoming all that I can be.
I'll move on..."

There is not one day that goes by, that I do not regret... all the choices I made in the past.

But- it did, after all, lead me to this life that I live now. And, really, leaving in this manner is not so bad, for...

I am honestly considering asking Echo to marry me, when I thought I might never be married again. When I thought I would fall ill in another relationship. When I thought, I didn't stand another chance in love.

Echo is a darling. Every moment spent in her presence simply- makes me happy. I cannot explain it in words, and if I could it would look like this:

jaodjaidjioeuaroieyghaodbvajklnf[ldmlkfjaodieueiouerioau[erw2i4u0qujoidflak]d\fja[dfl.

Well, kind of. Actually, that looks like I am high.

Never mind.

Anyway...

I comprehend that some obstacles may be presented- But like Mum always says-

What is a game without its thrills?~


L. Lawliet

"I'll go anywhere, just watch me-
Never stopping, always growing.
Oh, this happiness I long for- I know one day,
it will be with me.
Though our distance may grow further,
and our hearts are overwhelmed at times,
we can look back on all me made.
I proclaim: I will be born again!"

I collapsed into the snow when he gave me back that ring, and my heart, like glass, shattered to bits and pieces, and I died.

He had kissed me, and held me, and cried. He had told me "I can't love you any more because I'm scared."

..."I can't love you, L."

It was my own son- my little angel- he brought me back to life, for he knew, I had not meant to leave him- even if he knew conducting such an act would cost him his place in Heaven.

He brought Mello back to me the day after.

It would seem that we cannot stay away for too long, under any circumstance, and for that, I am grateful- It is like gravity keeps up bound to one another.

He belongs to me, and I belong to him, and this is how it must be- For, true love is never wrong, and so it never dies.

The only perfection that exists in this world, is when I look into his eyes and that of our son's, and see the memories that we have made, together- the good, the bad, the- the ones that look like that bag of marshmallows that Mello stole from me last night.

...He shall pay for that. D<


Gabriel Day Lawliet

"I can feel my heart is breaking,
and although my strength is dying,
I can hear a voice inside me, telling me
that I must go on.
Life will always be so painful
in this loneliness consuming me.
Still, I know that deep in my heart,
there's a light that's shining brightly... "

"Go find a new home."

Dad basically told me he didn't want me in my time of need. I mean, I understand that he was upset, but...

I had to sleep with my mother's cold, dead body. I had to walk all the way back home, alone, in the middle of the night, in the snow, with only my pajamas to keep me warm.

When I took it into my own hands to reanimate Mother the next day, and I brought Dad to come and see him, I had the strongest urge to rather take the life of Mello in the end.

I cannot describe in words my hatred for this vile boar.

I hate him. I really do hate. Hate, hate, hate, hate...

And when I looked in the mirror this morning, I was none to surprised to discovery two little knobs protruding from the sides of my skull...


Sebastian Michaelis

Ciel and I were wed again on October the 30th (if I do not write this down, I fear I will forget the date...) and are now in Paris (not Texas) for our second Honeymoon.

The room smells sorely of ginger, and now, of sex- and I will not have Ciel wear any extravagant clothing for the rest of our stay here. He wore a lovely black dress with a corset for the wedding-

What a hassle to simply remove from his body. By the time it was taken off, we were both more exhausted than eager.

I am still amazed we got through one time that night.

Eh... Fail.

Ciel, however, had obtained enough energy thereafter to force me into this dreadful gingerbread man costume-

And speaking of cosumes, Sascha gave me a call about an hour ago, informing me that a certain master of his threw a party at my (former) master's manor.

...I shall now think of more activities for bocchan and I to participate in until the children clean up the whole of the estate.

...

...

... I should probably fetch some coffee first.


"Now is where I take my last stand.
This is all I have, my last chance.
Time to make all our dreams come true;
If I fail, I'll just keep moving on...
When I close my eyes at night,
I can hear our laughter loud and clear.
Now I know what keeps me living-
You are 
             my 
                   most precious 
                                           treasure." 

L- C'est La Mort- Day One

Fight the fight alone
When the world is full of victims
Dims a fading light
In our souls

Leave the peace alone
How we all are slowly changing
Dims a fading light
In our souls

In my opinion seeing is to know
The things we hold
Are always first to go
And who's to say
We won't end up alone?"

Since the day I was born on this Earth, I have strived for things I knew I could never reach- I could only ever come so close.

That never stopped me from trying.

Being thrust from my place in Heaven changed that and I give up. But I suppose everyone has already guessed that, correct? Yes. Correct.

I could have had a family. When I think back to that time where the word almost only mad me hope more, it hurts, because "almost" now, makes me think of what can never be now that I've ruined it. Like a shattered vase, I can always try to piece my life back together, the bonds that were broken; but the glue would be cheap, and surely, the vase would only fall to pieces again. And so, what really is the point in trying? What good will it really do in the end? And what would make me think I was good enough for them? Their trust? I cannot even trust myself now, because look at what I've done. I steal away hope. I wreak havoc in my very wake. And since when did I start lying?

Since that lying, selfish, dead, superior being decided that I was worthy enough to enter His realm- and then, upon realizing I was frightened of the afterlife, mistook my fear as ungratefullness, and tossed me back down here like a wad of useless rubbish; when I needed His comfort. Now, where is the hope in that? Where is hope on broken wings, do you think?

"On broken wings I'm falling
And it won't be long
The skin on me is burning
By the fires of the sun
On skinned knees
I'm bleeding
And it won't be long
I've got to find that meaning
I'll search for so long."
Riley was chasing after his dog yesterday and just so happened to come into my neighborhood, and I invited him into my house, because he's my friend after all. I trust him- in fact, he's the only person I can confide in any more, and I am grateful for his companionship. But I do wonder if he really knows this... I wish he would believe me when I tell him.

Words were said, and things were done. But lies were not told. Lies never accomplish anything... Or so I've learned.

We spoke for a while, about ravens and writing desks, and I gave him peanut butter- and then, he asked me, "L, do you still like... Light?"

And I thought for a very long time.

"I hate him, and I love him." I said. "There were always times I wished he would get out of my skin. And he's been dead so long now, burning in Hell; a befitting punishment for a psychotic mass murderer..."

He shot me a cold glare, though I could tell he had not intended to do so. He's jealous, I know, even if I'm not really a "people person." I thought it was obvious...

I continued. "It doesn't matter now. He's dead. I'm dead. No one trusts me anymore. I don't work. I don't fight for justice. I simply sit here with each passing day, gradually, disgustingly, rotting away... Riley, Heaven is truly Hell when its so called "reward" is eternal life. No one should have to live forever. There is nothing importantworth living for now as an angel, but I cannot ever die, because angels aren't made for that. I should be burning away in the Might Blaze, because then, even suffering would be more satisfactory than being thrust down from eternal life and having to reside on this Earth forevermore, after I thought I would never have to return here. Misery is an unbearable emotion when you know it really is inescapable. Any why (in my case)? Because I keep fucking up. And I'm losing everyone I have ever dared to care about. Which is why I try to stay away from people; I am bad luck to everyone."

And he listened to me, a shocked expression slowly contorting his features. At the end of this, he blinked, and told me that he "wouldn't know." I immediately apologised for going off on him like that about such depressing subjects.

"But, L, maybe you're right." He stuttered. "But like I said, I wouldn't know. I'm just human..."

Just human, hm? Just?

What an understatement.

"When I was human, I helped a great deal of people. But now, as an angel, I bring nothing to them but pain. When I was human, I figured, I would dedicate my life and intelligence to others, and when I died, all my duties would be fulfilled and I could rest and not have to exist for so long, or down here, ever again. I thought I had said good-bye to this world, to any kind of life, forever. I never liked the thought of an afterlife. I didn't want there to really be one; even simply thinking something like this could happen scared me more than anything in the world."

"But, if you have something to live for then, living isn't so useless then, right? You have kids and shit. I think that's reason enough. And, there are a lot of people, here on Earth, that really enjoy your company..."

"My kid hates me, and he has reason to. He wants nothing to do with me, and- I don't understand why anyone would enjoy my company. I can't trust myself. How can anyone else trust me, then?"

"I don't know why... And... I can't help it, and though I shouldn't, I trust you. 'Cause... I love you. I mean, as a friend, of course!"

My face became warm and my eyes began to burn. Please don't, Riley... I beg of you. And I don't like begging, not ever.

Before I knew it, he told me to shut up and stop saying bad things, and he kissed me.

And eventually, we flocked over to my bed.

"I don't want to feel, to hear the silence; the quiet scares me because it speaks the truth. Please don't tell me why we are having this converstation. I wouldn't understaind when I cannot be trusted; because I am obviously just that stupid. I just want that salvation I was promised. I just want that salvation I was promised... in any form it is offered in. But it has to want me too."

And at some point in time (after a tickle fight, in which I swear lasted about an hour), we settled in the bed, in the dark, together.

"I'm cold."

"Whaddaya expect me to do about it?"

"...Do you know the best way to start fires?"

"With a lighter?"

"Hm, I prefer the old fashioned way... Rubbing wood together."

He blushed and I laughed, and said I was going to sleep and pretended to do so; Riley fell asleep quickly, and I watched over him.

When at rest, things are in their most beautiful state...

"Cry ourselves to sleep
We will sleep alone forever
Will you lay me down
In the same place with all I love?

Mend the broken homes
Care for them they are our brothers
Save the fading light in our souls

In my opinion seeing is to know
What you give
Will always carry you
And who's to say
We won't survive it too?"
I was leaning against my son's favourite bridge and looking down into the murky water this afternoon when I heard a voice I wasn't so sure I had ever wanted to hear again, saying my name.

Mello.

By his feet lay a briefcase, and wrapped around his lily-white shoulders was a jacket. He regarded me with an uncertain gaze and asked me how I was. I threw the rock I had kept in my fist at my own reflection in the water and said that I didn't know how I was.

"Don't do that, please..." he said, and came up to me, giving me a hug. And for a moment, I clung to him, and pushed him away, yelling at him to stop- such was futile; he only reeled me back in.

"Shut up, stupid."

I started crying. I didn't want him near me again. I didn't want to see his face. He wouldn't let me go. Dammit! How dare he make me cry?

Why should I even care when I haven't a drop of pride to spare?

"Mello, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

He winced as if he had not been expecting this, and lifted one of his paws and pressed the tips of his long digits into my back, rubbing at the twisted muscle beneath my skin.

"Yeah, I know. It's all okay. L, you need to go see Gabriel and Riley..."

"I did... Riley is asleep at my place and Gabriel doesn't want a thing to do with me..."

"...Yeah, that figures. About- ya know- Gabriel. But I think- I think, maybe Riley should stay with you. Take him in. He loves you a lot."

You aren't going to really lecture me about this, are you Mel? I wondered. I didn't want to talk about any kind of love, or relationship, bonds. Nothing. It was enough to make me want to spit my own stomach out like some kind of frog. Well, not necessarily it- but me. I'm disgusting. I don't think I really am worthy of being loved. Mello of all people should know that. How dare he even suggest it?

"I don't want to be loved ever again. Once was enough for me."

"If anything, I think that's what you need. And you want that, too. No matter how much you deny it, because you're a horrible liar. Did you know that, Detective? No one likes being lonely. You don't, neither does Riley. So staying with you wouldn't be a bad idea. You owe it to me."

Okay, so let me get this straight: You believe you know what I want and what I don't want, but, how can you think you know me when I'm trying to understand myself? Answer that for me, Mello. I dare you. Second- The guilt card? Are you certain you want to play this game with me? Choose wisely.

You want lying? Fine.

"...I don't want him. I'm still in love with you and, and I can't do anything now but sit in my room and rot away wishing there was no Heaven, and wishing I could have stopped existing, and wishing Light would have really made that happen like he swore to me he would, and he lied to me! But maybe this was his intention because he knew I'd go to Heaven and then, suddenly, I wouldn't be good enough for God, and then I'd fall. Because I was meant to suffer and live forever in this fucked up world!"

There you go.

Lies.

Truths.

You sort them out yourself if you think you know so much, Keehl.

And what did you do? You rolled your eyes to me.

And what did you say? ...

"Light was a little bitch. And you weren't meant to suffer. Honestly? You're being selfish. If you want to stop being in pain, stop yourself from wallowing in it, then go and fix it. Try to do something with your son. Let Riley live with you. I keep trying to get through to Riley and he still just loves you. And if you're not going to do either of that, then you can just go and get out of my fucking face, because the sight of you doesn't please me anymore."

So that's how you feel, hm?

I spent my entire life on Earth, living for the world, for the people, to bring justice and make a change for the better. And now you are saying, that in death, I cannot be selfish? Am I being selfish, Mello? What are you doing? What am I doing? There is a fine line, a miniscule thread, here, between love and hate, and the truth and lies.

I'm going to find some scissors now, and I'm going to snip that thread away.

Yes. In the same way I walked away from you today.

You came onto me all those months ago, and I warned you- I cannot love properly. I warned you, you would regret this. I warned you, get away while you could.

Don't you tell me to go away when you wouldn't. You have no right to. You fucking bastard... How dare you?

I feel sick. I think I'm going to go take my temperature now.

"Set a-free all
Relying on their will
To make me all that I am
And all I'll be

On broken wings I'm falling
And it won't be long
The skin on me is burning
By the fires of the sun
On skinned knees
I'm bleeding
And it won't be long
I've got to find that meaning
I'll search for so long..."

Sebastian & Keaira- "Merely Eternity's Memories"

Sebastian Michaelis

Wednesday, October 12, 2011 - 4:08 PM

It cannot be determined whether or not my fiance can recall the events of our past. And I wonder to myself quite frequently, are they simply old, raggedy, faded, contessa-scale Victorian-era memories, dead and gone along with the humans Ciel and I once came to know?

Perhaps it is somewhat unnatural for a devil to dwell even subconciously on mere memories. For, memories are but a thing of the past; things of yesterday; the power of humans' minds to remember the things in their short lives. What good are memories to a devil?

What good are they, at all, to the King of Hell?

What good comes to a devil, anyway?

Cinematic records, perhaps; as they determine a humans fate and pass his final judgement: Shall he enter the Almighty Kingdom or shall he become fuel for the Mighty Blaze, to be burned hollow with bloody rays? Cinematic records are moulded by memories, even for a demon.

Henceforth, memories must be of some importance. Does Ciel know that?

I know it. I just answered my own inquiry about it, and I do believe it sounds very logical, indeed.

What, may you ask, brought upon this thought, to myself? It really is a very simple conflincting thing, really. You see, last night, I encountered a child clad in a lovely little dress that seemed, at the least, fimiliar to me.

His name is Denzel.

Denzel informed me that Ciel had given him quite a load of old dresses. And, normally, I wouldn't mind that so much- save for the fact that Ciel had included within those dresses a very special dress- at least, it's special to me.

What made the matter worse is that Denzel also mentioned that, perhaps I should go and hide these dresses for some time, because his brother Bambi was determined to set them aflame.

Two words: Hell no. Not going to happen so long as I'm around.

No child will burn away my precious memories, woven so demurely and carefully within every very thread of that old mass of rose-coloured silk; so perfectly woven.

I asked Denzel if I could perhaps, get that dress back, and he said I could, and so I did, and now I do.

...I believe it would result in safer action if I was to hide this dress away for a while, because I know Ciel will call me childish for clinging to events of the past that I am certain he believes are not at all very special.

I have my reasons.

And I am not telling them.

Some thoughts are better kept within the mind of their beholder.

Keaira Dimitri Faustus

Dear Caru,

You have been asking me constantly.

You have been asking others.

Anyone you encounter, you ask them, even if they are some random, dirty old hobo with rotten teeth and a musky scent that clings so desperately to their skin and refuses to be washed away via any amount of soap, perfume, or lotion.

And I suppose, you need an answer.

Who was your father? Who was Claude? And how did he die?

It's a very long story; I do advise that you bear with me now; and be attentive to every inkling of detail, every word, every simile or metaphor, I will be using.

Let us begin.

***

Once upon a time,

I was born to the young Earl of Trancy and Malphas Mephisto (insert very long "maiden" surname here") out of wedlock; I was not meant to be. Malphas (and do keep in mind that his story is not at all a simple one; He was betrayed, raped, misled, envied; but he has already told you his story, I know), one day, took me away to my grandfather's old cottage; I was to be thrown in the old oven and consumed by its flames. But before he was granted that chance, he was taken away from us all.

He was persecuted. He was tortured. And he was killed.

On the third day, he rose again, in the form of an angel.

He returned.

I was allowed to live; I was wanted by both of my parents, and I was loved.

Time passed, and Malphas and Alois married, and during that time, my father and I formed a very strong bond; and such can never be broken.

I never considered outside forces until the day I met Aranis- the son of Sebastian Michaelis and Ciel Phantomhive.

We fell in love, but that love soon fell apart.

Aranis pursued others; Mello, and even Sebastian- his father. Did he not consider me? Did he really think it was okay to go and break my heart without so much as a second thought?

I knew what he had done, but I could not tell him off, for, I had raped Cambion- who at the time, was a truly heartless demon; I did it only to put him in his place, for I am a lion, and such is natural behaviour.

What hurt the most was knowing he pursued these two other men with the potential of giving them his love. Even today, he claims he was blinded.

Indeed he was, and he very well still is. He is my friend, but I cannot trust him.

Funny, isn't it?

There was a time I sacrificed myself for him, because I could not take it any more; I ran away to New York and I stayed there until I was sixteen. That is four years.

When I returned, I had changed; I had tried drugs, smoking, alcohol.

When I returned, I paid a visit to Aranis before anyone else.

When I returned, the first thing I told him was that I didn't love him any more.

That night, he killed himself; he tore his heart out; Cambion was with him and was powerless to save him.

And, what of Claude?

Claude was the Trancy family butler, diligent and stoic- he became my friend and my favourite subject when it came to my art. His eyes were much like yours, Caru- golden, profound, breathtaking...

He was my best friend.

When I cried, he'd wipe away all of my tears.

When I'd scream, he'd fight away all of my fears.

And he held my hand through all of those years, and you are the sole thing of his that remains; the crystalized treasure of our love.

Though in my childhood I was often composed, I was still a child, and with being a child comes along the desire of childish revenge.

I was thirteen when I learned of Aranis's affair with Sebastian.

Angry, I went home and decided I should seduce Claude as a form of revenge, for, I had (for quite some time) recognised the looks in which the spider regarded me with; like a succulant fly tangled and writhing in his web.

That happened and we denied for a period of time that feelings had formed.

I came to love him, and I no longer loved Aranis.

Claude was what I wanted and needed. He considered my feelings. He could take care of himself. He was reasonable. He was smart. He was wonderful...

Meanwhile, Alois was watching everything unfold from afar and decided he did not like my relationship with his butler, a lowly servant, unpredictable and antisocial.

Do you want to know something, Caru? I was Claude's only friend. No one cared to understand him but me. They prejudged him. And now, they say they are sorry he is dead.

Lies.

My poor Claude... Alois made him choose between being a butler and his love for me.

Claude chose me.

He stayed with me and held me and saved my life, when I learned of Aranis's death and blamed myself, and attempted suicide because I simply felt I did not deserve to live. I killed him, I thought...

I was inconsiderate of Claude's own feelings. I overdid my mourning of Aranis. He felt insuffient, and he would always tell me.

And I would always tell him, Don't you dare even think that; I love you, and only you, and no one else. You are the only one who really cares about me and my thoughts and I can tell you anything. And you can tell me anything, because I won't judge you. And secrets don't need to be kept between us, because we are one, and we always shall be. I do love you; and I love us.

Aurelei was born to us later on, and she was a lovely child until she learned Claude was pregnant for a second time.

She became jealous and manipulated seemingly everything so that she could convince Claude he had miscarried.

I cannot begin to describe to you her hatred for him.

It resulted in her insulting him to the point of death.

I killed myself immediately, but was brought back to life three days later by Gabriel.

And the first thing I did was get my revenge.

...
Violence isn't the answer; It is the question.

And the answer is yes!

-Love, Keaira.

Group Blog- Their Stories

Sebastian Michaelis

A singular set of pristine, vermillion orbs did not dare stray from the furry creature of their utmost fancy; a little tabby cat with lithe paws and a slender coat, and such gorgeous eyes that regarded the orbs with such wit and whim.

Sebastian gracefully cascaded to one knee on the cobblestone pavement that was placed just outside the newly rebuilt manor-house, and took the fimiliar feline in his arms and pressed his nose lightly to her little pink button one. His lips tugged into a soft smile, and he lifted her up into the air somewhat so as to admire her.

"Hello, again, Miss Akuma."

She acknowledged his greeting with a curt mewl and squirmed so that he might let her down to lay in his lap for a short cat-nap of sorts.

This was the same cat Ciel had presented him with prior to their Honeymoon, and he had raised her as if she was his own child (though, none of his own children had ever clawed up a curtain (imported from Spain) before), spoiling her with plenty of cuddles and treats and ribbons and bows. It was no wonder Ciel was noticably jealous of her; on the bright side, Sebastian knew (and a cheeky grin graced his lips each time he thought this) that he could use this as an advantage to get his lover's attention.

Ciel would often quip, "Why do you love cats so damn much? It's simply unnatural! There is nothing speciel about them at all."

Little did he know how very special Sebastian really did consider them to be.

In fact, he had not always liked cats; So arrogant, snobbish, unthankful! Unnerving, annoying, and always...

Always wanting more.

No, he had not always loved cats.

But, once upon a time- the winter of 1885, in London, England- he came to form a contract with a young Earl, frail in appearance, yet strong in spirit. He took up residency with the Earl at his manor. But never before had he even come close to thinking that a solitary month in captivity would erode even the most basic of manners! This child Earl would smack him for even the slightest of gestures, such as attempting to help him up the stairs. Why, he ought to have been thankful, especially when his depth perception was non-existence (hence the eyepatch guarding the Faustian seal etched within his right iris)!

And once upon a time, the butler had stepped out of the house in frustration with his young master, and he happened upon a little black cat. And when it seemed that no one else would so much as care to hear out his frustrations (thought often the cat would regard him with an expression that implied she thought no different) she was there, and she would listen to him- though in truth, she was but waiting for him to feed her.

Cats, Sebastian soon learned, are viciously playful and playfull vicious.They are prone to illogical when they feel frightened or bodily threatened.  They are schemers, and tacticians, unashamed of conspiring against you, even as they feed from the very palm of your hand... They require the proper amount of patience, the proper amount of care- But they will never be tamed no matter your will, and that is the beauty of them.

And in those eyes, he never failed to realise a fimiliar sparkle of intelligence; a sadistic delight in the destruction it knows it can cause even with the few assets it has at its disposal.

So fimiliar...

Time did pass, and Sebastian came to better understand Ciel with the help of a certain little whimsical friend.

Still, he does not expect Ciel to understand him; for such are all his precious little secrets to keep hidden beneath lock and key, all for himself; all the mystery of a demon's love.


Keaira Dimitri Faustus

His lips pressed into a straight line and his gaze came to fixate on nothing less, and nothing more, than the ruins of his grandfather's old cottage (in which he had recently come to obtain and take up residence in along with his son and younger brother), marred to musky brown ashes and dull silver cinders and blackened splintered wood. The grizzled body of a burnt wolf lay sprawled beneath the remains of the kitchen table, its flesh oozing unatrually where it had been seared. This was no "whodoneit"; there were only two names that came to mind and the very thought of such an alliance sickened Keaira to an unspeakable extent.

How dare they?

When his brother- Cambion- had come foward and inquired the identity of these people, Keaira insisted that he knew nothing and simply pushed the small boy's quip aside, or, rather, attempted to.

Upon the following day, Keaira came to the discovery that there had been a casualty; Cambion blamed himself, for, he had been the primary target, and he had been missed. And now, someone whom he had regarded so dearly had to pay the ultimate price because he had not been there in her place; Woe was he, in all his childish ignorance.

And perhaps Keaira grieved the same loss, as well, but if he did, he decided not to show it, for such was his responsibility to remain aloof for the sake of his dearly beloved brother and Caru, his sickly son. However, as is a characteristic of Keaira, it did not take long for his emotional strength to bend and bow, bend and bow, bend and bow...

Certain actions cannot be prevented.

Certain lives cannot be saved.

Certain thoughts cannnot be erased.

What you already know and take heed to cannot be unknown.

And what you plan to do about it is primarily up to you. 

Someone must pay.

Gabriel Day Keehl

He lay with his legs wrapped tightly around the lithe body of the older man, his body trembling from the wave of fear that had just washed upon the shore of his very soul. Ah... The fingers... They hurt... It hurt... Every thrust, every tug, every pull, push, every little movement... A-ah...

"Aranis..." Gabriel whimpered constantly, and there would come the soft murmur of a response from Aranis immediately after, a reassurance.

And then Aranis would draw his digits from his dear friend's backside and pull down his own pants and pull Gabriel close so that their flesh would collide and they would become one. Oh! How Gabriel wished to scream, the pain was unbearable! Oh, but it felt so good...

"W-what is this called, Aranis?" he had asked, writhing and grinding his hips against the man's, his dark eyes stretched wide in innocence.

"Sex. Making love. Fucking." said Aranis.

And Gabriel contemplated this.

Aranis had reiterated the same three words to him that day, over and over and over again and again and again. Gabriel thought it only added on to the mystery behind those red eyes- all the lies, all the hurt, all the fear and the pain- for, he knew, they reflected his own spirit. Aranis didn't have to love him, he didn't have to lie; there was nothing to hide, and Gabriel, the angel, in all his ignorance and innocence and disbelief of unscientific things, realised but that, and just that.

Sex. Making love. Fucking.

Unnecessary copulation; They could simply spark, and never have to touch; This love had been perfect even before it was love; it was most certainly meant to be, the most certain thing in all existence. And Gabriel knew it, even if Aranis believed otherwise due to his own paranoia. It was, indeed, a fact.

...We are one, Aranis.

Jazebel Keehl

Her lithe paw drifted away from the child's hand as his mother carried him off, their digits lingering in suspension for what seemed to be four long years, never wanting to let go. But distance did tear them apart in the solitary time of a moment, and the door leading to the outside world that was drowned in all the glorious golden light of the sun was closed, leaving the wolf in her own solitude, alone in the bitter darkness and silence of the old cottage. For minutes, she stood unblinking with her gaze fixated on that closed door, and then she sat on her hindquarters and huffed at the silver door-knob, glistening in such a mocking manner that she felt the urge to become ill.

Only moments ago, Caru lay sleeping in his cherry-wood crib, sound asleep with the softest of snores whistling through his rosy lips; her paw had stretched out to rest upon his clammy little forehead, and she had sighed at the touch of it and came to establish some greatly yearned-for form of relief. His fever had broken, and her job, her every responsibility here, every aspect, facet of it all, was nearing completion, fulfillment, reconcile.

She llay her long neck across the hard wooden edge of Caru's crib and let her head hand, her ghostly pale eyes diligently watching over him and never once shifting astray. Though he was not her child, he was her duty now, and she loved him so dearly. When Keaira returned (he greeted her with a pat to the head) to take him away to visit that horrid Alois, he had awoken and reached out his stout little arm for her, and only her, and she had trotted along after him with her tongue lolling out the side of her mouth.

"Jazz, bye-bye," he had cried. "I love you!"

And now he was gone.

She stood from her post before the door and stalked with protruding shoulder-blades beneath the table, squeezed cozily within the legs of a chair. Her forelimbs laid out in front of her, she laid her lead down on her paws and shut her eyes, and drifted into a deep sleep.

"I won't ever love anyone but Keaira."

"I'll never feel the same way."

"Bad dog, Jazz."

Cambion...

He had been her first friend, and her master, and her one and only love. Only he had understood her. Only he had cared for her. Only he, him, Cambion... No one else. Just him. Alone.

Alone.

Alone now that he had fallen in love with his brother. Alone now that she had given her voice to bring L back how and could not speak. Alone because she meant nothing to anyone now; she was old news, a female, a whore, a thief, a murderer, a liar. A bitch.

How could she let him go? He was her only hope as he had always been. He was all she had now.

But what was there to be had when you felt so alone in this vast world?

Absolutely nothing. Nothing, no one, Jazebel.

This is who she was, if anything. She had tried so hard but got nowhere. She had loved but was not loved in return. She had cared but was disregarded. She did not hate, but she was hated.

And when she came to abandon hope in her very sleep, there was a violent shake of the earth, and her eyes flashed open and saw the red of spider-lillies engulfing her view, and then there was the sound of loud thunder in which was followed by blackness, and then nothing, and she fell dead.

And such is the end of the story of Nothing, if such a thing does even exist; for such things always come so unexpectedly.

Keaira- "Never Far"

"Put all your angels on the edge
Keep all the roses, I’m not dead
I left a thorn under your bed
I’m never gone

Go tell the World I’m still around
I didn’t fly, I’m coming down
You are the wind, the only sound
Whisper to my heart
When hope is torn apart
And no one can save you!"

I'm back and kickin' all right.

But so far, it's not been good; it's been shitty and so have I. Yeah, me. I'm on too many narcotics to keep up with, and now I can't even remember just why I am, anyway. Hell, I don't know why I do half the things I do anymore, or say, or think, or even mould into the form of an idea. Tell me, why am I even writing this?

Doesn't matter if no one hears me out. I don't really care, honestly. Heh~ Look what I've become. What am I worth? You're all entitled to your own opinions. So make some.

I dare you.


"I walk alone
Every step I take
I walk alone
My winter storm
Holding me awake
It’s never gone
When I walk alone

Go back to sleep forevermore
Far from your fools and lock the door
They’re all around and they’ll make sure
You don’t have to see
What I turned out to be
No one can help you!"

Well, Aranis. Hah! Why'd ya have to love me? Do you really think I deserve all that you have to offer? Why do you even think of me? Ever? Move on. Just don't do it in the way that I have.

I'm a crackhead. I'm a pedophile. I'm in love with my little brother. Or at least, I think I am. I feel I am. But what do I know? I mean, look how well love has worked out for me before! And who screws it all up? Me. Gee, I wonder why. I strive for impossible, ridiculous things. I'm too out there. My mind is too open. And so is my heart, in certain areas; whereas, in others, it is completely walled up and blocked off. Fuck, the damn think dun even beat anymore! I can't feel cold, nor warmth. I can't feel physical things much at all. So how, with this dead heart of mine, can I even have emotions?

Who am I to know?

"I walk alone
Every step I take
I walk alone
My winter storm
Holding me awake
It’s never gone
When I walk alone

Waiting up in heaven
I was never far from you
Spinning down I felt your every move!"

Cambion.

I'm sorry. Know that.

I've wronged you almost as much as I have wronged poor Aranis. I only hope you can forgive me; I won't come around as often, I don't think, for your sake. Because, I'm afraid now of hurting people. And at the same time, I don't care if I hurt them. I suppose it really makes sense; If I acknowledge that I don't care, why do I bother sticking around? What good is an arrogant prick like me gonna do for this place? There are enough problems here as it is. But I care. So I'll limit my time around you guys and be on my best behaviour when I am around you.

You've cared through all of this- all my mistakes and ill-minded thoughts and actions. And you... don't stop. You just care so much, therefore, I care about you. To be honest, I've lost quite a bit of respect for Aranis, of all people. Because he says he doesn't care. I don't care if he doesn't care about me, but it seems he doesn't care about anything. And that really bothers me. You have to care to lead a life worth living. You have to care about something. And if you do- you're making a good person out of yourself. Live, laugh, love... Yeah. That's how it goes.

If you need me, I've taken up residence at Lach and Tsumi's old cottage. No one likes going there anymore. So that's why I chose to live there. I've taken all my money and art from the flat in Kensington, and I'm doing good. I'm gonna get myself a nice job, too. I had about ten interviews today. I'm lucky; didn't think anyone would hire me, even consider employing me, what with my looks and all. I'm a bloody... demonic zombie. Yup, that about sums me up. Well, shit. No one's gonna change me now. Maybe they can teach me, and maybe I'll learn- but that doesn't change who I am or will be or must be.

Why?

'Cause I'm Keaira, that's why. And if you don't care for me, hey- fuck off. Heh~!

"I walk alone

I walk alone
Every step I take
I walk alone
My winter storm
Holding me awake
It's never gone
When I walk alone~"

Group Blog 5

Sebastian Michaelis

Ciel has been rather upset after all of the events that have occured as of late.

He certainly has reason to be (I should know), but that does not necessarily mean I can just let him remain in this state and dwell on all his emotions, by his lonesome.

And so about two days ago, I went into the city to hunt down a little gift for him.

The world is strange these days. But, better to be strange than to be boring, I always say... And speaking of strange, I happened upon Lachrimae's new girlfriend(???), Miss Echo Meine, in all her silver-haired glory.

She really is a very friendly girl, and I have taken quite a liking to her. Heh, but that's probably soley based on the fact that she helped me decide what I should give to my love.

Together- almost simultaneously- we began walking towards this cardboard box on the side of a road, and within it was a lovely little litter of-

Dogs.

Oh! such wretched creatures they are!

But I know that Ciel quite fancies them (Good, then, if I'm named after a dog, dammit!), and therefore, a puppy was just what I was going to bring home to him.

Easier said than done.

This little dog urinated all over poor Miss Echo.

When I arrived back at the manor with it, it left a present for me in the laundry room (I had gone into my quarters to fetch an old, yellowed hatbox) and it was not pleasant.

Dogs require constant attention, and along with that, potty training. I don't remember ever having to "potty train" a cat! How repulsive!

And so I took the hatbox and a spool of silken pink ribbon, and tied some of that ribbon in a bow around the dog's neck (cuteness appeal... it works wonders) and stuffed him (quite literally) into the box, in which I also tied up (very firmly).

When Ciel came through the door later that day, he seemed quite sullen- which would, I knew, either be perfect or would end in utter disaster.

But I cannot describe to you the manner in which his eyes lit up in such delight at the sight of the puppy. Even a smile came to grace itself upon his lips.

"Sebastian, this is lovely!" he proclaimed, ever so joyous.

Smiling is contagious, my friends, and I am proud of myself, and of my Ciel.

Now, this dog's training must commence... I will get no sleep. *sigh*

Keaira Dimitri Trancy

"Every night in my dreams,
I see you, I feel you;
That is how I know you
go on.

Far across the distance and spaces
between us,
You have come to show you go on.

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more, you open the door
And you're here in my heart and
my heart will go on and on."

You'd be proud of me, wouldn't you, my Claude? Even if you're dead, no matter where you are, you would be proud, yes?

I am finding strength everywhere I look. I have found the courage to go on and the love to help mend my wounds, though I know they will scar over, nonetheless.

And, my darling, my love, for the sake of even an immortal life, I will go on and I will find happiness, and in turn, create such emotions in others, for I cannot stand to see a frown plastered upon the face of a loved one.

Aranis is the prime example of such. I don't understand why he is so angsty, and it cannot be due to my pregnancy alone. So do you know what I did, love? I got him a bag of fresh carrots and I've ordered him this lovely little Arabian studhorse, in which should be arriving Saturday. And I've made him smile, but I am hoping that it isn't because I am giving him material items. I want him to appreciate that I am trying to make him happy, that I think of him, that I do, in fact, love him.

Now, don't get me wrong; I will always love you. And we will be together again someday. Alas, Aranis is not your replacement. I hate the mere concept of that. I had to deal with you thinking you were his replacement several times over, do you remember? It broke my heart, Claude.

It is indeed possible to love more than one person. I have been granted another chance to life and I refuse to let it go to waste; I will not rot away, a piece of corrupted, worthless, depressed rubbish.

Aranis needs me, too, Claude. If I fail to raise him up, he will rot away in the same way I might, if I let misery find her dwelling in my heart. I don't want that for him; I don't want him to end up like you. I don't want to see another dead body for as long as I live.

My heart doesn't beat anymore, Claude. Cambion said, it may be because you were my heart, and you are dead- therefore, my heart is dead because you are. I do wonder if it will ever beat again?

Our child is due tomorrow and I am so very exhausted... I certainly do not feel up to it. I'm quite frightened, really. I've never had a child before and it seems to be extremely painful and messy. But I really can't worry about that too much. I just want our baby to be healthy, really. And I want Aranis to accept him- he doesn't have to love him, but I would like him to at least be friendly. He and this baby are my world now.

I think I'll pay him a visit again, soon. I'm going to make him a carrot cake now, I do hope he likes it!

Lots of love,

                       Keaira~


Malphas Mephisto Trancy

My son will never stop hating me. He believes that if he were to give into my love just because I am his mother, the others would think him weak and cast him aside.

Comes to show just how valuable my love is, doesn't it, now?!

Both Alois and I found out that he was alive (I thought I had killed him) and Alois went off on one. And I thought, maybe if I go and ensure that Cambion dies this time, instead of walking off right after attacking, Alois will be happy.

I cannot tell you just how wrong my plan went, and I don't even know what happened.

And I can't even believe that I cried myself to sleep last night, thinking of Rosier and of Cambion and Alois and Solange and Keaira and... I don't know if I can take it much longer.

Damn it, who am I now? What am I? I don't know.

I need help and I'm not going to find it.

I'll just waste away and nobody will even notice... They never do, anyway.

Jazebel Keehl

L.

I don't know if I've saved him or not.

I gave my voice... Oh, my beloved voice...

Where is he?

What happened?

Jesus, Mello, I am going to hunt you down and I am going to find out just what the Hell is going on! I don't give a flying fox if I can't speak. Wherever you are, I will snuff you out, and I will make you tell me.

And the very same goes with Riley.

I don't know what to do with Cambion anymore. I just don't. He's been a sharp pain in the ass and heart for far too long now and it's painful.

I want to give up on him. Something won't let me. I care too much and I don't understand why. This is a tedious game, it is! Absolutely pointless, I will never win!

...But neither will Cambion, and I do think that is quite obvious.

Time is short when humans are thrown into the ingedients of life. Mortals. They die. Fast.

If you'll excuse me, now...

I've got a bone to pick with my father and Riley.

P.S. Pregnant Keaira is lovely, really. I get oodles of cuddles, and it makes me happy. No one ever shows me affection.

P.P.S. Cambion, I show you affection, not the other way around. So STFU.

Lecea Seleby Michaelis-Phantomhive

Bambi came to me crying the other night. He says Denzel died in the fire.

But Mummy said he only found five bodies. He says, Esperanza was so tiny that she probably just burned to ashes right quick! I don't know how big Denzel was, but maybe he suffered the same fate? Until I find out, I promise I will look for him, and bring him back to my beloved, dead or alive.

I promise you, my Bambi. Please don't cry anymore...

Group Blog 4

Sebastian Michaelis

"Look no more,
Only the weak use their eyes
But I, I will teach you right

Come with me, come inside;
Spread your sails, shed your pride
And don't mind those salty sips
That drag you down..."
Once upon a time,

I came to admire this small boy with mismatched eyes that seemed to gleam and sparkle with mischief.

And even though he was young, he seemed to understand more than any ordainary child his age should. I came to consider him not only as a friend, but as a son. I was more than obliged to take him in because he did not have a real home.

...But look what he's done now.

My beloved husband became quite upset with him one day and threw him out of the house (I still need to discuss this with him, in a calm manner, I hope).

The next thing I know, the boy- contracted with a young (and quite foolish) demoness- had ordered the estate to be lit up in flames.

Ciel was horrified, and he will come to me, and sob. Because the flames... His memories have been provoked and my poor Ciel has been forced to relive them.

This fire did not pass without several casualties. We lost all of our horses, the cat Ciel gave me for our honeymoon...

Skye and Nameless lost their youngest son, Denzel. Bless them...

And Ciel and I... lost six of our own children.

Malachi.

Serafina.

Desdemona.

Karasu and Anastasia.

And Esperanza, the youngest- only three years old, a twin to my little Eiri.

When I told Ciel... he was overcome with anger due to Cambion. Because we all knew it was him. No one else was foolish enough to do this. No one else has been vengeful enough.

We had thirteen- no, fourteen, living children (because our lovely Aranis has returned). Prior, we had lost four due to miscarriages- Well, I lost those. We are left with eight children.

In all, we have lost twelve.

Not only is this due to my recent inablity to manage incredible feats (I suddenly feel like a very old man, though that really is not far from the truth in human years...) but it is moreso due to Cambion.

When I attcked him last night, I decided it would be a very selfish act to finish him off all by myself. Surely there are plenty of others who deserve to see the little shitbag in pain, misery, suffering. I found it immensely amsusing myself! And do you know what? He's bloody daft; Yes! he told me he respects me! Oh, Cambion, darling... Respect the man who left you in such a horrible, disfigured state? All mangled and mauled?

Respect the man whose children you have so very heartlessly murdered? Ha!

You fool.

If he shows his face to me ever again, he will die right then, right there. Because I don't give a solitary shit about him.

When saying we hate him- I cannot even begin to tell you how underrated the word "hate" is.

And he lived happily ever after? ...I think not.

 You'll be slaughtered like the pig that you are.

Lachrimae Branwen Michaelis-Phantomhive

An addict to my tones,
You will drink me 'til you say when,
And then you'll have to drink some more:

You'll love me like the devil loves
To drink his water laced with wine,
But you won't, like him, be called an angel
When you fall..."
I've been living in a hotel since Piper and Cambion burned my hard-earned book store down. I suppose the upside to this is free wi-fi. *sigh* It's lonely here, though. It's not at all like the manor or my shop, filled with the smiling faces of people...

I feel rather guilty for letting it cross my mind that I should take this one lovely Spanish maid aside and have a little fling with her. I don't know why I feel guilty about it. I never have before- well, after my marriage fucked up, I mean. Women are easy to seduce... Well, that's what I thought, anyway.

But I can't look at this Spanish lady and not let my thoughts wander off to someone else.

Once upon a time, it was Tsumi, Tsumi, Tsumi...! But, now, when I'm falling asleep in the dark frigidness of this suite, and my eyes are closed... I think of my Alice, my ice queen- little Miss Echo. And I know it is the horrible blush upon my face when I think of her that warms me up. I don't blush...

Jesus! This can't be right. I feel like a schoolgirl! And that is not due to me being bisexual, I swear.

I started sweating last night- though the air condition was on full blast- because I feel like a bloody fool. And why do I feel as such?

Because I kissed her. She said she liked it, and then she ran away! What does that mean? Echo, you are so very confusing and I just cannot deciphor you. I wanted to kiss you. And I did. And you kissed back, and... Did that mean nothing to you?

You really do believe I'm a man-whore, don't you?

I was married to my half-brother and even had children with him. I've tried having sex with my own son's husband. I've had an affair with my own little sister. I took her virginity.

Tsumi's dead and was psychotic.

Alois I only wanted when I was drunk- or when my son drugged me up with a syringe and made my mind fuck up like the static on a TV screen. Hell, I've had sex with Malphas without even knowing until I came to and was told.

And Piper? She hates me. She scares me. She hurt my feelings. I'm too sensitive, and for a lady, she's too insensitve. I gave her flowers that night after Malphas drugged me, to show her how sorry I was. And she tore them up. And now she's burned my sanctuary to worthless ashes. I hope she's pleased that I want to cry.

And now Echo... Well, I have no plans on having sex with her anytime soon. Sex ruins things. And I'm sure she'd be frightened. I don't want to frighten her any more. I crave her friendship, for I am lonely, and she needs a friend too, because she's new to London and doesn't know much anyone.

I told her, people will say horrible things (though most are true) about me. Yes, I warned her that they might try and turn her against me. I told her I don't care what she thinks of me, because she should be free to have her own opinion. I told her all of this and she didn't run away. She said she didn't want to.

But she did.

And I'm sorry I kissed her, because I wanted her to stay. She's been so kind to me.. I want to tell her I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for fancying her.

So why is it I can't stop?

When my book-store is rebuilt and I manage to collect myself a nice amount of books and sweets and things of the sort, I'll let her have anything she wants, for free. She's a wonderful friend- more wonderful than most I've had in my past.

Would it be appropriate, Echo, to call you my best friend? After all, I've only known you for a short amount of time.

...But it's the truth.


L. Lawliet

"One day I'll be conquered by a wily voice and eyes
And my tomb will be the stage where
Great cities rise;

And the queen will be dead, long live the queen;
And the queen will be dead, long live the queen...

...You'll just be gone and I'll
Sing on and on
And on and on and on; to capture the next one..."I don't know what to say.

Blake has taunted me enough for my foolish mistakes.

I'm an angel. I shouldn't make these kinds of... sinful... mistakes...

What's wrong with me?

I had everything I could ever want, and I've fucked up now.

I can't blame Riley.

It's all my own fault.

I'm sorry, Riley.

I'm sorry, Mello.

I'm sorrry, Gabriel...

My fault? ...Yes, my fault. And Light's. Kira. Raito-kun. I fail to understand why-

But it isn't at all possible.

The bastard is burning somewhere down in Hell. And I should be laughing, because I was granted the gift of wings and a halo and...

I've fallen, nonetheless.

What good am I to anyone? Especially when I can't die?

I have betrayed Mello in unspeakable manners and I am so ashamed.

What's worse than him throwing that engagement ring to the floor is that I don't know where he is, or if he's okay...

Of course he's not okay.

I've had sex with Riley of all people, and I can't begin to imagine how fucked up that must appear to Mello.

And now his daughter is due to die.

And our child...

Oh, what was I thinking?

My heart hurts, Light... and it's all your fault!

Keaira Dimitri Trancy

"Long live the king, the king is dead;
Your prayers won't call him back to your bed
With all this blood I've laced upon the moon
No spells or tricks will bring him home:
Long live the king;
The king is mine, the king is dead!"
I was supposed to stay dead.

I want Claude. I want my parents. I want someone to love me and hug me and kiss the top of my head and hold me, and tell me that everything is all right, just like I'm a kid again.

I don't know if I'll ever stop crying.

Damn you Gabriel. Damn you for using me as an experiment! Haven't you ever read Frankenstein, you dork? Reanimation is sinful! A bad idea! You are not God! How can you even be an angel? You're sick!

I died so I could be with my Claude. And I want him back. I want him back right now! My best friend, my love, my only one...! Oh, Claude, come back, I say... Come back... Please...

Aranis is alive, in human form. He was there when I awoke in the laboratory. He ran away from me when I awoke, and now I know why.

I'm hideous. I look dead.

My skin is cold and grey. My once pink lips are chilled blue. My golden hair is now faded and dark and thin. My eyes are filmy orbs of frosted glass, icy and lifeless. And my nails are black.

I may look like a zombie, but I am, in fact, a full demon now.

I'm not beautiful anymore. I'm not beautiful on the outside, and not on the inside. They say your outward appearance reflects what you are, who you are, and how you feel on the inside.

...Fine, then. This is me.

I'm miserable and depressed and so very ugly and lifeless and worthless and pathetic and imcompetant and selfish and vile and hated and used and I am shit.

I don't see why Aranis gives a fuck about me. How could he love this? I don't want him to love me. I'll only hurt him again, and I'm afraid. I don't want that. What can I do, though, when he says he loves me? If I tell him I love him back, not only am I lying to myself, but I'm lying to him. False hope is horrible, but it is still hope. And the more hopeful he is, the harder he'll fall when he realises I'm lying. But I can't tell him I don't love him. He'll start hating me and become depressed. And I don't want that. He's still my friend, and he cares about me, perhaps even more than Claude ever did. And it hurts to acknowledge that. He must feel so unappreciated, but what can I do? I crave his companionship, but I'm scared- horrified to death- to love him. To love anyone anymore. I'm simply scared of people in general.

Claude used me because no one else liked him, and he needed sex, and I was a stupid, vulnerable child in love with him. Cambion uses me because he's afraid of being all alone. Aurelei- damn her to Hell.

I dont know what to do anymore.

I need help.

Somebody...!

Anybody...

Help me...

Keaira- "In the End"

(It starts with one)
One thing I don't know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Didn’t look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on but didn’t even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch you go

I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

One thing, I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I’m surprised it got so (far)
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
In the end

You kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter...

Dear Cambion,

You didn't honestly believe that I'd go off and leave you without a proper farewell, did you?

Of course I wouldn't.

I'm sorry if my writing is lacking in this final note of mine; I am afraid I am quite high and cannot focus sufficiently at all.

Heh~ I think it's only now that I'm regretting doing this to myself. Right as I'm about to die. When I know it's too late to turn back now.

But Claude damn well acknowledged- and I did warn him- that if he took his life, I would follow him. I'd go wherever he would. I always will. I don't expect you, my dear brother, to fully understand this, as you claim you have never- and never will be- in love.

Claude killed me.

But I killed him all the same.

I cannot imagine the way he felt. Because I have never been in his posistion. So like Aranis, lay his bloodied body sprawled across the floor, stiff and lifeless, his skin grey and his golden eyes- oh, those magnificent pools of pure gold I so loved- dulled over so very horribly. I closed my eyes and spun around, because, I thought, if I looked back again, he wouldn't be there. Yes, I must be hallucinating!

Such was not the case.

Claude was dead. Is dead.

Those magnificent orbs of eyes fading, dying, like early morning embers...

It was the most unbearable scene I have ever witnessed in my sixteen years alive.

And why? Because I loved him.

I and don't understand why he did it. I don't! And it's so very unfair! Oh, Cambion, he and I were going to get married! I had proposed to him just the night before, and he had said yes, and we had made the sweetest of love and he had told me the most tooth-rotting confessions, and I was so happy!

I must be a fool to believe he mirrored my very feeling. Damned fool I was and am and shall be!

And thus, despair has come to claim her prey. Misery has found her dwelling in the very pit of my mortal heart and it is unbearable.

In case you have not been informed prior, I will have you know that Aranis is indeed alive. As a little black rabbit. And I did see him before I returned here to sob into my love's body, and he bit me, because he was so very jealous that I have found love.

I do hope he has not resorted to anything rash- again.

Please, go find him for me, and tell him, it's all his fault I'm dead. And you damn well know why I believe that is.

And have someone go and tell Daddy he was right about Claude.

And tell Ciel that I hope he's happy and that Aranis is alive.

No, I never, per se, hated my life.

I never considered it unbearable. I’d call this feeling— this churning mass of broiling self-hatred— unbearable, but no.

No.

What's unbearable is laying here in the dark of the night with its blanket of thick cloudes masking over the full moon. I can't see anything but Claude. What's unbearable is knowing that I couldn't do anything to save him. I could never make him happy.

What's unbearable is having finally found love, and being left- in the end- to wonder if you were loved back.

Claude, did you know how much I love you? Did you have even the smallest, miniscule inkling? My darling, why did you leave me? And without a good-bye? When I thought you were happy! When I thought we could all be happy- Yes! me and you and our little daughter! Together, a family! My very best friend, my only love, my only, only, only one...

I had so much hope.

And in a solitary, lonesome heartbeat, it's all gone, and it hurts so bad.

I can feel my heart within me contracting violently, enlarging, because the drugs I have taken will surely bid it to explode and create quite a mess. If ever a broken heart existed, it certainly is my heart now.

I love you Claude. I miss you. I want to be with you. Forever and ever, for death cannot part us...

Cambion, what's unbearable... is knowing that loving him killed him.

I love you, Cambion.

I love you, Dad.

I love you, Mum.

I love you, Aranis, and Ciel, and Sebastian, and... everyone, even if they have hated me.

Maybe you'll all die now, just like my beloved, in agony, feeling worthless and unloved and wretched and vile and simply disgusting like the writhing, ravenous little maggots that will soon devour my very flesh and dispose of all of me, yes, the waste that I am!

I can't save myself now! No, so I might as well get myself higher, and contaminate my body Claude thought to be so pure once upon a time with all these filthy, filthy drugs! And I'll die tonight. I'll die.

And I don't care.

Adieu.

-Keaira Dimitri Trancy, September 6, 3:18 a.m.

Group Blog Three

Sebastian Michaelis-

Ciel smiled.

I made him smile.

I feel... astonishingly accomplished.

Because he rarely smiles, and I cannot begin to express how happy I myself feel knowing I was the one to force that grin upon his face.

It's pleasant to feel like his lover again. It's... such a relief to have regained sanity.

He flashed me the most amazing expression last night... His eyes- both blue again due to our contract having fallen void a while back- shimmered as if a thousand stars resided within them, warming me to the very core and sending chills down my spine.

He loves me, this I know...

And it is the most wonderful feeling I have felt in all my years alive.

His smile made this feeling all the better.

I'm going to rant about this forever if I don't make myself stop...

He'll probabably yell at me when he awakens, because he fell asleep before I could give him a bath, and he deliberately told me that he wanted one.

He's such a child when he doesn't get his way...

I am determined to stay strong for now on for both of our sakes. And for the sake of the children.

If I break down one more time, everything will be ruined.

And I know all too well that even Ciel himself is going to test me...

And I must not be driven into madness.

Jazebel Keehl-

Cambion has been a pain in my ass lately.

He honestly possesses no talent save that of getting himself injured and almost killed. Far to frequently. I'm losing motivation here.

I don't listen to half the things he tells me anymore. Most of what he says is pointless to begin with, and he wonders why I don't talk much. He thinks I'm upset when I go quiet. But I'm only responding to him with pointless answers to match his pointless questions.

Nothing interesting happens. It's been the same "Oh, Cambion's been attacked and is dying someplace; let's go save him!" routine for quite a while now, and quite frankly, it's boring me.

We never talk about anything interesting anymore. He relies on me to create topics to discuss and I cannot think all of the time! Goddammit, I'm a bloody blonde here, Cambion! Don't expect too much from me, now. You'll be quite disappointed.

Malphas attacked him about a week ago and he's this one horrid scar upon his face in which- for whatever reason- I am unable to heal no matter how hard I try. I don't know if it bugs me or not. His face was so lovely...

Now it's a mangled mess.

Should I pity him? He seems to have accepted it, but... with Cambion, you can never really be certain.

I still think he's lovely, though, no matter how... dumb... he can be. I intend to keep my word to him and fullfil this contract I have formed with him.

I would hate to disappoint him more than anything.

And speaking of which, I am due to die soon...

Does he realise that if I die before him, he will not be saved in death? He refuses to go back to the manor for my saftey, but I personally suspect he indeed has figured that he will not be safe without me- Then again, there are plenty of devils here to go around, many who seem to adore him.

Which must make my love for him seem like nothing.

Which makes me angry.

And I want to destroy something now.

So if you'll excuse me...

Gabriel Day Lawliet-Keehl-

I was playing with Ajax just a couple of days ago, right outside Alois and Malphas's palace, and I saw this man with long brown hair. I could hear him singing, and I was really very curious, so I decided I should follow him, because he had a pretty voice.

I went up to him, and I tugged on his sleeve, inquiring of him what he was doing. And he asked me if I was lost, his green eyes stretching wide, and I told him no, and that I wasn't little. He told me he was going home.

I wanted to introduce myself, and so I did. And he said,

"Hi, kid. I'm Riley." With a massive hand, he patted me on my head and handed me the jar of peanut butter he had been carrying with him. "Here. You can have this."

So, like a good boy, I thanked him. He told me he really loves peanut butter, and I smiled really wide, 'cuz I like it a whole bunch, too. There was a pretty golden ring on his finger that I suddenly found him staring at, and I asked him just what exactly it was. He told me it meant he was getting married. I asked him, "To who?"

I wasn't expecting what he would say next. "Mello." He beamed.

Mello! My daddy! I was so happy, 'cuz my daddy's gonna get married! But when I told Mister Riley this, his smile fell and his eyes went real dull, and he asked me who my mummy is.

I don't remember how Daddy told me to pronounce it, and so I stood there for a long time, trying to pronounce it right, and finally uttered out a simple "L" because Daddy told me that was Mummy's nickname. L.

"...Oh." Mister Riley gradually seemed to appear more and more sad, and it made me feel a bit sad, so I laughed, and I said:

"Daddy's marrying you? You seem really nice!"

I don't think I mind that Daddy's gonna marry Mister Riley 'stead of Mummy. 'Cuz sometimes, I hear that happens. Daddies don't marry mummies all the time, I don't think. But I dunno. I like Mister Riley. But I still have to meet Mummy. I hope he's nice and I hope even more that he likes- no, loves- me...

I watched Mister Riley slip the ring off of his finger and stuff it into his pocket, his face flushing over and his pretty, emerald eyes brimming with water.

"M-maybe I was wrong..." And I asked him how he could be wrong about something like that. He said he didn't know and stared off for a brief moment before bursting into tears.

I don't like it when people cry. It makes me sad. So I, biting a nail, asked him what was wrong, but he didn't answer, and just sank down into the yellowing grass that Autumn brings along. And he sobbed.

I gave him a real big hug because hugs always make things better.

Or so I thought.

He told me to please stop touching him.

I was taught to listen when someone asks me to do something nicely. So I backed away, and went home with Ajax, because I didn't want to make Mister Riley more upset than necessary.

I hope he's okay, really.

I want to see Daddy again, 'cuz I want to talk with him about this, and I want to ask him about Mummy, and I want to ask him if I can go to school.

I really like learning... I want to be smart. Really, really smart. So I can help people and make them feel all better! I want Mister Riley to feel better too.

Maybe I'll see him again someday. I do hope so.

I hope we can be friends.

L. Lawliet-

My Gabriel is alive...

I can't believe it.

Mello told me the news and I couldn't help but to be overcome with emotion.

After all, it's only natural for a parent to shed tears when they find out their child- whom they believed was dead- is actually alive and well, isn't it?

I want to see him again soon. I would simply... love that. Mello has regained his memory. And I hope more than anything he and Gabriel and myself can become a family. The very concept itself makes my heart leap, and I want to sing, because it is simply glorious.

My child is alive. My lover- fiance, actually- remembers everything once again. I want this to go right for us. I want to have a real family. I do believe I'm ready.

I couldn't be any happier, I don't think.

This is as close to perfection as one can ever get.

Lachrimae Branwen Michaelis-Phantomhive-

I've been spending the majority of my time now out in London. I'll more than often vist the Hard Rock Cafe, and I drop by pubs and I'll order myself a round of shots. Sometimes I'll go and watch local dog shows. And as for the rest of my time, I am the owner of a book store.

Not that such is important to anyone else. But I'm happy.

I've met this lady from America. She's awfully charming, really, with her pale hair so akin to the snow and her eyes, two pools of pristine ocean water from the Atlantic itself. She can be quite nervous at times, but I think that's due to the fact that every time I see her, she is consuming some sort of sweet. She reminds me of my father somewhat, actually. But with a better additude, in which is quite the relief.

Hm, but I do think I have frightened her.

You see, little Miss Echo Meine does not believe in the afterlife, and therefore, I was quite insulted. She told me she didn't believe in God or angels, or demons.

And so I showed her my true self.

...Do you believe now, Miss Meine?

We are always watching, and I can promise you, my lovely...

We will meet again, my snow white queen...

Malphas Mephisto Trancy-

Having a new baby around is exhausting.

It feels as if it's been forever now since I've changed a nappy, or since I have had to prepare bottles, or have these small, greedy, rosy lips greedily attempting to latch onto my nipple beneath my shirt, trying for a suckle.

Oh, Luca, what am I to do with you? You are even more demanding than your father.

I must feed you every two or three hours and you rarely even sleep. You simply stare at me with those big eyes of yours, laying on your back and making cooing noises. And you never cry, yet, when you have soiled yourself or are hungry, you scream as if you are a pig being slaughtered. I am going to go deaf, I say! Is it natural for a child to scream so very loudly? Keaira certainly never did, nor Solange (may she rest in peace), nor even Cambion.

And you screech like a banshee until you have your way, and the second you find pleasure, your sceaming ceases and your horrid frown immediately becomes a wide smile, and you'll giggle and produce spit bubbles, so very innocently.

You are the most adorable little child, but you are just a handful.

Alois, my love, help me...

This child of ours makes me so...

so...

sleepy...

Keaira Dimitri Trancy-

I'm going to explode.

"Cambion's a shitbag; Claude doesn't like me; I don't love Mummy, Papa; Aurelei got sick on me, it was gross; Keaira, you are a man-whore, don't grab my ass, it's not funny!..."

Aranis is alive.

Claude is being impossible.

Cambion is far too demanding.

Aurelei doesn't respect Claude.

Jazebel is a total bitch.

Guess what Cam? Wishes do come true. Hey, Ciel, I hope you're happy. 'Cuz yours bloody came true.

What am I to do?

I don't know.

Growing up is no fun.

I've not been the same since New York, nor Aranis's death.

Things seem to be getting worse rather gradually.

Claude is a tease. He won't marry me nor even give me a chance to propose.

I'm starting to try and jack off with Jazebel of all people because I am indeed a desperate whore.

Who gives a shit anymore?

No, everyone else, come tell me your problems! I'll gladly listen because I don't want to bitch to you about all of mine or my thoughts!

Aranis didn't bloody care when he cheated on me with Sebastian and told him he loved him! He said he would only ever love me! And it's all his fault I am the way I am now! I hate him. I hate him. He could have chosen someone else aside his father. He could have told me he didn't love me like he said he did. He could have left me properly instead of fucking acting as if it wasn't important to me. It hurt me.

When I met Claude, he quickly became my friend. He was there with me through all of Aranis's little experimentations. He didn't kiss me until after I learned what Aranis had done with Sebastian. And when I learned, I deliberately attempted to seduce Claude, as revenge, and I let him take me. Because I thought it was only fair.

I didn't think I would fall in love with him.

When the realization struck me...

I went to Aranis, telling myself I still loved him, that he was my only one. I was hurt. What was going on? I was too young. Thirteen.

I played dead. I ran off to New York for three years. I had myself some whores. I tried out drinking and I got high more often than not. I would slit my wrists and legs and every part of my body I could reach. One night, in the midst of the storm, I swam out in the middle of the Atlantic, and I screamed at the sky, and dared to lightning to come and strike me down like a blasted tree.

It never did anything.

Jazz was the one who made me go back to London.

And... then I went and I was a total ass to Aranis. I told him I didn't love him and a bunch of other obviously rude things.

He killed himself before I got a chance to tell him I was sorry.

Am I sorry now?

No.

Love seems to have tainted mine and Claude's friendship. It's almost as if we're not as close anymore. Am I loving him in vain? Am I his Aranis? Is that my role in life now? Is this my punishment? ...

I just want things to go back to the way they were, sometimes...

I really fucked up, I think.

All over what I thought was a broken heart.

No, it was something else... Wasn't it?

Nameless-

I've come home now, Skye. Just for a visit. I've come to see you for a few days. I don't really know why. It's as if some unseen force has guided me back to Phantomhive, to come and see you and the children.

I don't want to be in a relationship with you again. I'll be your friend, but nothing more. Because that makes things complicated. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't know right from wrong.

You don't think, Skye. You aren't considerate of my feelings. You do things behind my back and act as if it's all okay. You don't seem to care much if I'm hurt. You'll act concerned for five minutes, and then, you'll quickly lose focus, and forget anything has ever happened to hurt me.

I want to hate you, but I can't, because I know you don't know any better.

I know you believe you love me.

But you had your chance, and you blew it- out of sight, out of mind.

So shut your mouth, I just can't take it, again and again and again, and again...

Since I've been gone, I can breathe for the first time in a long time. I'm moving on now.  I'm sorry. But this is what I want and I'm going to get it.

No more kisses, Skye. Not anymore. I will visit you and Bambi and Denzel whenever you lot wish me to.

But I have a life to live and I can't take care of you. I'm too incompetent. Please be nice to Eli, he did nothing to deserve such foul treatment.

If you're going to be rude to anyone, victimize me.

Because I'm not putting you first anymore.

There's a line you've helped draw.

And you've crossed it again.

You never learn, do you?

Lecea Seleby Michaelis-Phantomhive-

I don't want to say anything. I don't know what to say. I'm just so angry. At everything.

No, Mum, I don't care that you and Father tried to make me. I don't care that I'm here. I don't care at all. I wish you would have miscarried me like you did those other four children you lost. I wish I could have caused you pain in your womb, and I wish I could have passed out of you in a pool of blood, having never had the chance to live. I wish I wasn't here. I don't see the point in life on Earth. It's fucking miserable.

And the worst part about being a demon is that I don't ever- no, never- get to die. I have to live forever and ever and ever. If the Earth dies, I don't get to die along with it. I just get to move on to another world. Probably Hell. I'll never know Heaven. I'll never know death. I'll never know pain now, either.

Because I ruined myself. I am but a weed among a field of beautiful flowers, with my crippled leg and my scrawny body, and my mismatching, dull eyes, and my ancient-coloured hair, and my... my... everything.

Bambi deserves better.

I acknowledge that I'm stupid. My logic is shit.

Bambi said Cambion told him he and I did things.

The day after this rumour was told to Bambi, I was in the stables, taking out a yearling so that I might train him, and I saw Bambi walking by. I went to greet him and he blatantly ignored me, and kept walking.

It made me angry. I put the horse back in his stall and just left the manor, to pay a visit to Cambion.

And when Cambion told me what he had said to Bambi, I was furious. But I didn't show it. Not really.

Instead, I kissed him. Twice. Because I thought, if Bambi doesn't trust me, I'm not going to let him think so in vain! Stupid idea. So, so stupid. How could I? What's wrong with me? First off, I hate Cambion. But the main point is that, I could have just let this all be, and I could have gone to Bambi, and told him nothing was true, and everything would be fine and dandy and goddamned peachy right now! But no. I had to get angry, and I had to kiss Cambion. How can I feel sorry for myself when it's all my fault?

Because I'm selfish, maybe. And I have the brain the size of my own pinky nail, I'm certain. And I'm psychotic as all Hell.

I've been nice to Cambion lately, too. Because when I'm really angry, I get nice. I don't understand why. But he will come back to the manor one day.

And the very godforasken second he does...

Heh~