Nameless

          

Aranis, Denzel, and I visited the lake yesterday. 

Hans came to see us with his mate and their three new cygnets... Swans really are hopeless creatures, known for choosing and remaining faithful to one mate throughout the course of their life, often becoming depressed if their partner dies or disappears... 

I am certain Aranis and Denzel couldn't see it, but I was not in the happiest of moods. Skye and I had spoken the night before, and just being in his presence is enough to piss me off. Instead, though, in my room that night with him, I had not gotten angry. Just sad, particularly after he told me that he remembered happy things that had happened between us and describing some of those things... And, ah, I'd rather not go into detail about it. He asked if he could sleep with me, and I told him that he had a husband to go to now. He didn't argue, and left, much to my favour, because as soon as that door shut, I began to cry. 

I had promised him that same night that I would help brighten up his "boring" life by collecting some butterflies for him at the lake with Aranis, and he had frowned. But Aranis was not Denzel's daddy, Nameless, why are you taking him instead of me? Oh, why should I take you with me instead? You would only drown, hm? And then I would have to save you for the sake of Denzel and Bambi. 

I failed, also, to take into account that the lake we were to go to was the very same lake where I had first met Cross, and we had some odd attraction towards each other and had spent the whole day in the water, kissing. I had never thought once about having an affair, or cheating on Skye with an absolute stranger, but when I left Cross that night, I didn't feel guilty. I wouldn't see him again until... I don't even remember, now. Untill I left Skye, or he left me. I don't remember quite how it happened... I don't remember quite a lot, actually... Perhaps dying was a good thing, after all, then. 

I captured thirteen butterflies for Skye, all different species (though I can't tell which, I have never really taken it to mind to study butterflies), and left them in a jar by his and Elias's room before going with Aranis to his own room and sleeping. 

I have been sleeping with Aranis nearly every night now. I am not one to be close to people, physically or socially, but I have this odd urge to be near him and to trust him, despite his reputation. I've never had a closer friend, not since Cross, and the relationship I had with him only withered after we confessed our love. I don't think I have the nerve to love again, now, and I don't think anyone will ever prove to me that it is okay to. I am not up for being hurt again, just yet... 

But suddenly I don't feel the desire to go about sleeping with any person who consents. I want to go to Nemo and Nicole, and tell them that I want to forfeit from the bet I proposed. I am sure Nemo will give me hell about being in love with Aranis, but it isn't something I can't put up with, surely. If I give him a jar of cherries I know I can get him to shut up, bloody man-child. 

As for Aranis, he still loves Keaira. He doesn't say much about Gabriel, and has not since he learned that Kearia and he were having a child. I pity him- the two people he loved the most having a child with each other. I wonder if he has even met Moira, and if he hasn't, I wonder how he would react to seeing her. I'd imagine it's difficult for him. I am glad to be there for him when he is upset. It is an honour to care for him.. But being around him is starting to scare me, and I am torn, because I can't decide if I should break away or let myself get closer... It doesn't help that Denzel is jealous of our relationship already. He seemed much better last night, but if anyone could get inside my mind, they would tell me that it is not wise to get any closer. Aranis and I are so close, yet so far from love, and though it is sometimes painful, I don't know if I could handle much else, or if he could. I'll let this last as long as it can... but nothing can change fate. Whatever is meant to be, I am certain, will work out perfectly, and so all anyone can do now is wait. 

You've Got Mail

Gabriel's Suicide Note

So go and tell all your friends
That I’m a failure underneath
If it makes you feel like a bigger man
But it’s my, my heart, my life
That you're calling a lie
I’ve played this game before
And I can’t take anymore

I feel it coming over me
I’m still a slave to these dreams
Is this the end of everything?
Or just a new way to bleed?

Dear Aranis,

                     By the time you find this, there will be a very great chance that I am now no longer on Earth with you, and, again, that I have left you for very selfish reasons.

You have taken me to this strange place in America, and now you've napped Denzel, as well. You told him you had a surprise for him, and that surprise was me. Neither of us expected that anything could go wrong...

But the look in his eyes when he saw me reminded me of what I am; A thief, a murderer, a liar. I thought that I lost my heart to you, but the fear that blazed within Denzel's gaze made me realise that I still had a small, damaged piece of it remaining.

To see a child regard you with such an expression, to see him burst into tears and sobs at the very sight of you, and to watch as he runs to hide and protect himself from you... Aranis, how did you expect me to stay after that? I love children, yet I cannot have any of my own... But still, ridden with hatred and bewilderment, I have destroyed every child I have come across, one way or another. Do you remember when Johanna was stolen? That was me, trying in vain to get her back. I just wanted a child, and she was given to me before she was even born. She was mine first...

And although I was not yours first, you were mine first...

I tried and succeeded in making an age reversal device in hope that you would want me again... Want me more. What I am now is obviously not good enough. Unfortunately, when my laboratory in Heaven was raided by Hell's allies and residents, it was stolen. My laboratory now lies in ashes, as I soon shall. There is no more hope.

I cannot see myself having a future on this Earth, and I especially cannot envision a future with you... Not a healthy one, anyway, or a long-lived one. Can you think to yourself, for my sake, why that is?

Why can I not have any thing that I want the very most? Or am I simply too blinded and shallow to keep trying? That can't be, though... I do not tire easily, but I now wish to be laid down to sleep for eternity...

Aranis, I am sorry- but I can no longer take being a slave to haunting dreams of innocent eyes. I love you, and I will forevermore, no matter where I may go... But I am not worthy... Not enough... Ruined... And unchanging for the better. It is better if I do not stick around...

Farewell, my love.

                                        -Gabriel Dae Keehl.


Sebastian's Letter to Ciel

To my dearest Ciel,

                          I regret having to inform you that something dire has come up in the nether regions of Hell, and I need you (or at least someone you find worthy) to watch over the Palace and Manor for me- and yes, that includes the people. Make sure to give Nemo lots of work, he tends to get himself hurt when he is bored. Unless, of course, you want him hurt, then take a picture so I can get a laugh out of it when I return.

I am unaware of how long I may be absent, but I presume it should be a little under two weeks. Please, be a good boy for me and inform the family of those listed below that they are safe with me:

Malphas
Luca
Johanna
Lachrimae
L
Sascha
Nameless
Dyfri

...Oh, it's nothing too important, for now, anyway. No worries...When I am not quite so preoccupied, I shall write you again with more details regarding this particular situation. I am afraid I must finsh this letter prematurely... I will try my hardest to get back to you very soon.

                                                          Love,
                                                                     Sebastian.

P.S. Please feed Megara and Styx (my cat) while I am gone. And please, please, do not kill or let them get killed somehow. Thank you.

Keaira's Letter to Cambion

                  Dear Cambion,

                                                   I'm really sorry to have left on such short notice, but I've decided to make room for some much needed... mother/son bonding time, with Caru. I'm also sorry I didn't even invite you.

He just seems very depressed lately, and I am extremely concerned about him.

I am taking him to the month-long summer festival in Hell, and we will stay there for about two weeks. Don't worry- I'll behave myself. I hope all the festivities will lift his spirits some, because, to be frank, seeing him so upset reminds me of the very last days I spent with Claude. I don't know what I would do if I lost Caru, as well.

I don't know why he is this horribly upset. I doubt it is just because of Aranis (though I can understand why that may be reasonable. Can't you?). Maybe I'll find out at some point. I give it... a 70% chance that I will. You can never quite tell with Caru.

Please do behave yourself while I am gone, and be nice to the other kids (*coughLachcough*) unless, of course, the other kids want to kick your butt, then you can do whatever you please to stop them. Also, you should kick Aranis in the crotch for me, and I will do whatever you want me to when I return. Promise.

I'll write again soon,

                                          Love and gay kisses (No, really.),

                                                                       ~Keaira.

Caru 


What would it take for things to be quiet?
Quiet, like the snow.
I know this isn't much but,
I know I could I could be better...

Denzel has finally returned from America, safely... with Aranis. Aranis with his... annoying flowy hair and the stupid eye patch and the stupid older person crap. Aranis who forces Denzel into a lot of situations without my knowing until it's already happened. Aranis who has gotten Denzel pregnant. Aranis who makes me look like the bad guy. 

No, but I guess I can't help feeling like that in general, anyway. 

When I returned from Heaven, I would cry if left alone, and go racing through the manor until I found company. Ever since Denzel left for America, though, all I've wanted is to be alone. As much as I love him, and my mother, Nemo... I feel distant from them. I don't mean to feel distant, and I don't want to alone, really, I don't think... But I have no friends. Even Echo doesn't count, she is more like a big sister to me. No one ever comes around, asking for Caru. It is always either, "Oh, hi Caru. Have you seen Denzel?" or "Have you seen Nemo?". No, I'm not jealous, I just feel insignificant  and forgotten a lot. 

After being raped, I had Nameless, Mum, Denzel, and Echo around to help me deal with it all. I got hugs and cuddles and words of reassurance. How could I want more than that? I should be thankful... I don't want to be a burden to the few people who I know consider me... So I'll leave them alone. Not that that even makes much sense if I don't want to lose them... but I feel so sad lately that I just don't really care. Negative energy is contagious... I wonder if this is how my father felt before he died... 

...How long does it take storm clouds to dissipate? 

Gabriel 

I can't run anymore,
I fall before you,
Here I am,
I have nothing left,
Though I've tried to forget,
You're all that I am,
Take me home,
I'm through fighting it,
Broken,
Lifeless,
I give up,
You're my only strength,
Without you,
I can't go on,
Anymore,
Ever again.

Constantly ignoring,
The pain consuming me,
But this time it's cut too deep,
I'll never stray again.

My only hope,
All the times I've tried
My only peace,
To walk away from you
My only joy,
My only strength,
I fall into your abounding grace
My only power,
My only life,
And love is where I am
My only love.

Nameless was indeed correct when he said there is no such thing as nothing- as not existing- as resting in peace. 

There is no escape from life. 

I am half human, and so my soul was tried, and I was condemned to Hell for all of the corruption I am responsible for. Sebastian promised my father that he would not torture me, but it is torture now that I crave. I deserve to suffer, for I have been nothing but selfish- that is what Johanna told me Aranis wanted to say. She doesn't have my necklace any more...

Without the torture I so crave, existing (for you cannot really call this "living") in Hell is dull and dreadful. I can go where I please if a guard (this is often Dyfri) supervises me, and I can wander aimlessly around every nook and cranny Hell has to offer. I suppose the best part, really, are the hateful gazes the demons shoot at me when I pass them by, and I smirk... Isn't this what I wanted, after all? 

Aranis wanted me for nothing more than companionship and sex. If he loved me, why would he do such things so early on? When he did them, did he even consider how I would feel if I found out? And I found out every time. I gave and trusted him with my heart, and now I haven't one, because it is his, and he has maltreated it. There is no reason to care any more- I feel nothing, and I shouldn't, anyway. Now I can continue making mistakes, and I know I will not regret them. 

Someone, please, come torture me before I am driven utterly insane...

Nameless- The Last Day of Gabriel

Depression is a selfish state of being, Gabriel. If that is so, what does that make suicide? Beyond selfish. But you are not beyond selfish, thanks to me...

Depression occurs when a person feels out of place in the world: They may have lost loved ones. They may have witnessed or experienced inhumane things. The may be suffering heartbreak. They may suffer from regret of past actions. Or they may just be lonely.

And time shall drag on for them, slowly, but quickly enough for the little white clouds in the blue sky to turn black and sullen with rain and storm. Depression occurs when one loses their place, and strays from their true path of fate.

People will go out of their way to provide charity for others, but the truth in life is that- the meaning of life is to discover oneself; One cannot be a stranger to themselves, lest they become hollow and lack meaning. One cannot travel through life wondering "Who am I?" and expect constant happiness and peace of mind.

Hell, no one can expect constant happiness and peace of mind, but when you dwell on that fact, you become depressed. Life is all about survival of the fittest- people strive to get to the top, even if it means sacrificing others. When a person loses determination to survive they are thrown to the bottom of the mass population and they are crushed like some disgusting insect.

Look at that simile again: Like an insect. Why not "like a person?" Because people are not made to be crushed (not to say that insects are, either, but I assume you get the point).

When a person becomes crushed... well, they sit on a bench in a sleepy old park with lighting akin to a Burtonesque film with an empty black suitcase, and they stare off with the lifeless, glazed moonstones that should only be possessed by those who have passed on. The lamp ahead glows a soft yellow before flickering for a good twenty seconds, and then giving out. The fog waltzes across the dehydrated grass, aimlessly and uncertainly, in a manner that implies a great struggle of the mind (and of course, fog is mindless). Why does this scene look so familiar to me?

Months ago, I looked like the angel upon that dull, wooden bench. It was his father who had come to my rescue and made me rise from my seat, so that I may go in search of new hope. But how could I offer hope to Gabriel, after all he had done?

The child was born and given away because his parents did not want him. He was left (and I cannot remember the order...) in the Trancy gardens and found by Cambion and Jazebel, his half-sister. Jazebel, by order of her master, Cambion, burned the solitary word "Vermin" into the infant's side. He was taken in by Malphas and Alois and raised with Luca. Beneath the manor, the child grew and developed a scientific laboratory, where he would invent endless contraptions out of boredom. By twelve, he had a job at a bakery on the east end, where he met and was rejected by his father. He also met Aranis- a son of my king- and had relations with him, gradually falling in love. He moved into an apartment with Aranis and aged to sixteen...

Aranis quite likes children, and I should know, because he has taken advantage my my own son, Denzel, before, and I shall never forgive him for that. Aranis would go between children, Keaira, and who knows what else... And then there was Gabriel, who had once said "I don't want you to love me; just use me as you will." regretting his words.Tensions would tighten between he and Aranis, and he would leave, and return, then leave again... Only to return, of course.

Last time Gabriel left Aranis, it was in a vengeful huff, and the hatred for both demons and humans had, like poison ivy, come to wrap itself around the angel's heart in a smothering embrace. It made him itch for revenge (no pun intended, hence the poison ivy). He was rejected by all whom he had come to love, rejected or betrayed: His mother, father, sister, brother, lover, boss (he got fired at some point, I believe), tc. Bet he was even betrayed by Ajax. I suppose the only people who supported him were Malphas, Luca, and Alois- who are all annoyances and obviously were not of much help. Geez, what a tragedy.

Overcome by his hatred, Gabriel took charge of Heaven's angels and led them to war with Hell. With a virus he developed and released on earth, he wiped out a forth of the human population- also about the same amount of devils were killed off, as well. Approximately sixteen demons were captured and imprisoned in Heaven- two of those devils include Caru and Nemo- Denzel's boyfriend and son (also my grandson). Caru was raped at a max of thirty times by the guards who kept watch over him. At thirteen, he is now severely  traumatized. Nemo was experimented on and was sick for about a week after he was freed by Johanna, the only angel I will admit that I like.

When the war met its end, Gabriel, twenty, basically turned himself in to Sebastian, but was bailed out by Aranis. The  pair fled to the U.S. and ended up in Texas where they resided for a few weeks in peace, before Aranis decided it would be a good idea to kidnap Denzel and bring him over for a visit.

Denzel, of course, was terrified of Gabriel after learning all that he had done, and Gabriel left the house (and Denzel and Aranis alone together, damn him!) in hopes of making my son feel more comfortable.From what I understand, he promised Aranis he would return.

He did keep that promise, you see...

He looked up at me, from the bench, his fingers running through his hair and his dull eyes suddenly taking on the appearance of misery- the same look you could get from a little dog at the pound who can't seem to find a good home, and keeps getting returned and sent back to the same old hell hole. Is that what I looked like?

We acknowledged each other by saying the other's name, and I made my way over with a smirk and ill-intent; the closer I got to him, the more I could feel that pitiful energy that he was giving off, and I loved it. He wanted to die, and the smirk I possessed formed because I knew this. Death is a lie; this I know. And it would be for him, as well.

He would then quickly proceed to ask me to kill him, and I agreed without any questions. He should have been dead weeks ago, already, and he could sense my amusement, although he could not guess what I thought was so funny. I did not want to deal with Aranis coming after me, however, nor did I want Denzel to figure out what I had done. Gabriel suggested that I made it look like a suicide, because at least the theory would be believable.

I have no problem with committing murder, as I possess no fingerprints, and virtually no individual DNA; if you were to run a strand of my hair or a sample of my saliva through a scanner of some sort, it would not be able to identify me; but instead take on the identity of a person near me. So, let's say, if I left a strand of hair behind at the scene after killing Gabriel- if tested, it would be identified as his hair. Lucky me, hm?

That aside... Gabriel led me to his and Aranis's house on the outskirts of the town and then into his room (why he has a room separate from Aranis, I fail to understand). His death was a boring one- he was silent and did not appear to be in any pain. I clawed a hole in his chest and set his heart aflame, and he crumpled to the floor like a wooden puppet and continued to burn in the silence. All that trouble to kill an angel, and he doesn't even complain the tiniest bit. If anything, he was probably planning his death anyway, and my guess is that his little suitcase is not at all empty. That suitcase is now in Sebastian's possession, and only he and Johanna know what its contents are.

Demons and Angels have their own sort of soul; if they "die", they are usually sent to what is called Utopia; the promised land, the final resting place of all that has ever existed. However- due to Gabriel's past actions, his judgement was passed by Sebastian.

Between Utopia and Hell, I am certain we can all guess where that angel resides... He has now taken on the appearance of his soul in all its misery and if he can be identified, I'll be damned.

I am aware that the details of Gabriel's death that I have given have been quite vague- but if you do want to know more, I'll be glad to tell you- If you can figure out what I have done, that is~

He'll show up again eventually, for this is only the mark of a new beginning...

Nameless

I live now only for my children: Bambi, Denzel, and Dyfri, and for no other reason.

Romantic love, I have come to believe, does not last forever, because forever is a very long time. But the love a mother has for her (or his) children is of the undying sort. The love for another person romantically, however, always does die in time- particularly if you happen to fall in love with a dumbass or a human, or both.

Do pardon my language.

My mother did not have the time to raise me, so much as give me a name. I am sure that in some way he cared about me- but it does not matter now. He would come and go as he pleased, and I was left to my father and Skye...

What bugs me now is that Skye has all a person could ask for when he does not deserve it. He has a handsome, loving husband, and two beautiful children with that man. He is loved, yet he goes off and sleeps with me anyway- Note that he does not remember who I was. He talked for me for five minutes and then started making moves on me. How am I the whore? I started nothing. I just agreed to help him become miserable. If not for our children together or Elias, I would kill him, and make him so miserable that he would have to fade. But Elias deserves no more misery- and certainly not the kind that I suffered through.

He was never the "bad guy", stealing Skye away from me. It was all Skye. I am still hoping that Elias can change him, make him realise that what he does is wrong. It upsets me when he does stupid things because he tends to hurt others while doing them. I would like him to actually learn how to think things through. That would make me so happy, perhaps happy enough to drag me out of this depression that I cannot ever seem to escape.

I suppose I am a whore, though- ...At this point, I will sleep with anyone, just for a kick, because to love, or make love, is utter bullshit. Who will come to me next?

Keaira

...I have not seen anyone but Echo and Johanna in the past... five days. I don't even know where Cambion is, and I am getting more lonely than horny. I hate this time of year. He is probably avoiding me. It's unfair. I want to cuddle him. I'm going to cry. I hate suffering alone. I hate being alone! Damn it. Cambionnnnnn. Where are youuuu? Dx I need... alone time... with youuuu... Please? D:

Johanna

Mum dyed my hair black. I came across Nemo yesterday, and he failed to recognise me. I was rather hoping it would remain that way, but it didn't. I have never met someone so infuriating as he, but I think I am doing a better job between the two of us of being annoying, which, for me, is good. I honestly don't care what he thinks. He speaks bullshit quite fluently- I think I will have a talk with Denzel about his lying habits. I would love to see Nemo get told off, he really is such a chld (then again, he was raised by children). He calls me a pest, because I am a dragon fly. The only pest I am aware exists is him.

I am currently working on a top secret case... It really feels quite cheesy working as a special agent, but I suppose someone has to do it. It also is quite entertaining, anyway, so I am not really complaining... Perhaps I will be allowed to share details sooner or later.

I wonder how Levi is doing? Last I heard, he is with Eliphas... Not that I mind. I can understand that. I think I will go see him again soon... I wonder if he will recognise me?

Sebastian

Nemo gave me a kitten. So now I have two babies to take care of- and one more name to choose. I hope I am able to attend work tomorrow because this spending all day laying around and doing nothing is really quite irritating. Perhaps I will get Denzel to babysit for me as long as he refrains from dressing Nikola up like a girl...

Ulixes came to be the other day in tears- I had always noticed that there was a place on his face that looked as if there were eyes just dying to be revealed, and now they have been... I never thought he would actually have any (and I wonder if the ones he had on the palms of his hands are still there?). That aside, he told me that Riley had tried to commit suicide. I will have to have a serious talk with that idiot soon...

Nemo says my facial features are cute. I do not approve. I wonder what Ciel thinks? I will have to ask him later... Speaking of which, the day I delivered Nikola, he suggested that he and I be "swingers". I didn't answer him. I figured he would ask this question eventually- but this seems a bit sudden. Perhaps we should test it out... But I really would rather not. I don't like anyone else touching him. He is mine. I worked too hard to make him mine. He is mine. I am far too possessive...

Good, then- what else should be expected of the devil, after all?~

"I'm your Opheliac
I've been so disillusioned
I know you'd take me back
But still I feign confusion
I couldn't be your friend
My world was too unstable
You might have seen the end
But you were never able
To keep me breathing
As the water rises up again
Before I slip away..."

Luca sat at the dinner table, though the moon was still out, shining brightly, though it was eight in the morning... He sat, stirring at his little china cup of Assam tea... A silver streak out of a thousand dancing moonbeams caught his eye, and abruptly, he rose with the cup and flung it- tea and all. The chair he had been sitting in flipped over with a crash that echoed through the room.

"...You worthless bastard!" he screeched, delusional. Before him stood the butler, bleeding from the forehead, as the china had severed his flesh; and yet, he remained otherwise emotionless, his sliver hair illuminated with his blue gaze by the moon.

"Master Luca, have I done something wrong?" he said.

Luca reposistioned his chair correctly, and sat back down in the silence...

thinking.

***

"You know the games I play
And the words I say
When I want my own way
You know the lies I tell
When you've gone through hell
And I say I can't stay."

***

I don't  know why I just did that.

He really is worthless, but he didn't deser- Yes, he did. Of course he did. Everyone deserves worse than that, I let him off easy. He's only a butler, after all... Still my friend...

If this is anyone's fault, it is Aranis's- All right, let me organise this for myself...

Aranis took advantage of Denzel. Denzel is my friend. Denzel is now pregnant.

Denze's fiance is Caru. Caru is my nephew. Shit, he's going to be upset...

Aranis is with Gabriel. Gabriel is my brother. He wanted to be with him. He shouldn't have done this. He's an idiot, he's disgusting. He is supposed to take care of Gabriel- If you love someone for real, you aren't gonna fucking cheat on them. He's a liar...

"G-Gabe... Love... him..."

...Bullshit. That dream was bullshit. I can't believe it wasn't real. He deserves to die, why the fuck is he alive? Why wont' he stay dead?! All he does is cause problems... And Johanna! I trusted him with her- But, damn, if she stays with him any longer... He's going to touch her. What am I going to do now? I can't take her, and I can't just leave her- Oh, and Gabriel has died. Wonderful. Chester... Chester, what's Chester going to think? "Oh. That's sad. What are you going to do with the baby? Put her up for adoption, I'm not ready yet. I'll never be ready."

No, you wouldn't even have to take care of her if I brought her back. Sascha and I, and even mum would. And you can sit there on your ass and not be a part of her life- I don't care. Don't act like you feel guilty...

Stupid dog.

I, however, refuse to simply sit around. Insane as I am, my insanity is only just beginning... And no one is doing anything much to fix it, and so they shall suffer the consequences in the end...

Compiled information: This affects Chester, has affected Gabriel, as he has passed suddenly, Johanna, Denzel, Caru, it shall affect Keaira, and indirectly affect others, such as Sebastian, Ciel, Mello, L, Valdus, Skye, Elias, etc.

Oh, what a mess... What a shame...

***
"You know how hard it can be
To keep believing in me
When everything and every one
Becomes my enemy and when
There's nothing more you can do
I'm gonna blame it on you
It's not the way I want it to be
I only hope that in the end you will see
It's the Opheliac in me."

***

Sascha's gaze never once left Luca's, and when Luca said,

"Nothing, Sascha. Go away," Sascha did  just that with a smirk on his face...

***

Master Luca really is a vengeful little brat. He makes himself miserable... Just like Aranis does. I cannot believe I am related to either. They are both pieces of pure rubbish. Everyone in this pitiful place is rubbish- this place is a literal dump.

Still, I do not like what is going on here... It makes Luca upset, and that will not bode well... I suppose it is my turn, and job, to intervene.

***

What are you thinking about me? About this? Oh, stop playing games, you twat.

***

I hate everyone here, but they are still so entertaining- So I'll just play along. Such is a butler's duty, after all, is it not?

***

You have cake frosting in your hair... It's pink... Stop staring... I dismissed you, you fool.

***

Oh, you did... My apologies; I shall leave, master. And do stop singing in your head, you sound miserable.

***

...You'll be my alliance in all this, Sascha. That's an order.

***

Yes, of course; I swear it, and so shall it be.

***

Pft, bullshit... And good riddance...

***
How cute... Good night, young master.

***

"Doubt thou the stars are fire
Doubt thou the sun doth move
Doubt truth to be a liar
But never doubt
Doubt thou the stars are fire
Doubt thou the sun doth move
Doubt truth to be a liar
But never doubt
I love..."

Luca

I have no idea why I react like this.

I don't know why it still makes me angry, and sad, confused, frustrated- After all, I knew what was in store.

And still, I cannot help myself; as Johanna's mother, I have a right to feel this way, I think. I gave birth to her; went through the pain; was ill my entire pregnancy; and then something absolutely incredible is the result- the reward- for, to, my suffering; and such is... or was, rather, Johanna.

Chester is unprepared to be a father, and that is his excuse for not wanting to raise her:

"Is she a burden to you?"

"No, she's not."

"A burden is something that weighs heavilly, as responsibility or anxiety... Somthing one does not want, or is unprepared for."

"Maybe she would be at first if I had to raise her myself. Feeding, changing nappies, and being responsible for her, but I'm not as such, am I? Gabe is. So she doesn't bother me... She's making someone else happy and that pleases me to an extent... Plus, I had time for it to settle in. Things haven't changed for us. Yes, I have the title of "dad." But... so what? It's still just me and you."

Just me and you? You and I? I know that in some ways, if not most, Chester is correct about this all- Johanna is not ours to raise, and I decided that when I offered her to Gabriel.

But I can't help but want her all to myself- No, not just for little occasional visits, but for eternity. She is mine, for I birthed her, conceived her, was pregnant with her- She is mine.

If I did not care about what Chester wanted, I would be raising her right now. And I wouldn't care about what he thought- And at this point, I don't know which of the two I love more, although, since I am sitting on my ass doing nothing to help my own wants, I suppose it is Chester who is the winner.

I do not wish to antagonise him, although with this situation, he leaves me very upset at times... Last night when he asked what had happened to Johanna, why she was kidnapped, and where she was taken, I did not answer because I did not think he deserved to know.

It is his choice to make; whether he wants her to know he is her father, or vice versa. Upon the moment that he makes that decision, I shall watch him, and if he does not want her to know- I shall look at his face, into his eyes, and henceforth, his soul- and if he looks as if he cares, then maybe one day, I will tell him what happened to her. If he appears to be indifferent, then it is not his business. She is not his business; he has no right to know a thing, then.

After Bernard's murder via Sebastian, the celestial beings have become angry; and they swooped into the manor and stole my daughter and had plans to destroy her- Why her, I do not know. And because even the "special, chosen ones" seem to be all of the same importance here- aside Sebastian, and, less importantly, Ciel- perhaps I will never know, even if I try to dig a little deeper.

Johanna and I were both tortured until I managed to, with her, escape; and she is safe and yet again in Gabriel and Aranis's care- I do not want to see her for a long while, because I know I will surely go insane and do something immensely stupid and selfish due to my current emotional state...

Sometimes, I don't even want to look at Chester... It's very sad, really. I told him last night, that when he passes, I want to go with him; and that, if we get married, I will become human. Such is probably a lie- but that's what you do in relationships... Make promises you don't intend to keep, and hope that somewhere along the road, he'll just forget all about it...

But I suppose it doesn't matter- I don't plan on marrying him any time soon. It'd be too much at once...

Oh, shit- Oh, shit, Cosmo is eating Chester's eyeshadow. Crap crap crap shit fuck fucking Chester leaving his stuff lying around Dad was right I am going to kill him god fucking dammit!

[End of Post]

Group Blog

Sebastian Michaelis

Nemo keeps suggesting that I take a break, and relax, when I have told him time and time again that I do not take breaks. I have a kingdom to run, after all- to neglect my responsibilities as a leader would be irresponsible, and that, I am not.

But at the same time, I would simply love to spend more time with Ciel, and unfortunately, it seems, that when I do  have time for him, he does not have time for me, and it really is rather painfully amusing...

I would love to take him out more often, he seems happy when I do... And it makes me happy to see him happy, but that's a given.

Nemo is to become the head of my guards in a few days; and I know Denzel will not approve. Nemo says he will just tell him that he is my  "gardener".

Angel fish, perhaps you'd do better to use the term "weed killer", because that would be more precise, I think.

The best of luck to you- and please, do not get yourself killed, you reckless child.

Lucius Caesar Trancy

I fear Chester will have a go at me if he discovers Johanna's true identity. I mean, why would he not be angry? I was pregnant, and gave the child to my infertile and adopted brother, and I did not tell Chester a thing; as I did this all behind his back.

I do not regret having Johanna, but I do regret keeping her a secret from Chester.

...But what difference would it make if he knew? Johanna is better off in the hands of Gabriel, and, dare I say it, even Aranis. She'll have a better life with them, I think. I cannot just thrust a child at Chester so early in our relationship... It is my fault for not listening, yet again.

I am depressed away from my daughter, and I am afraid, so afraid, that something bad may happen to her.

But when am I not afraid? Doing this has but proved my cowardice...

Gabriel Dae Keehl

Luca gave birth to Johanna on Monday night.

I kind of wonder how he kept his pregnancy a secret, he was rather unstable at the time. He told everyone it was food-poisoning from Addis's nachos; and so he spent the entirety of his pregnant severely ill; he water broke in front of- actually, on- Chester, and the idiot didn't even know better.

When he first found out he was expecting, he came to me immediately and asked me if I would like to take care of a baby. Well, sure! After all, I am infertile... The only reason I took up the offer was out of greed; altough Luca would have aborted it otherwise. The greed to be with Aranis, and to never lose him again... The greed to have a child when I knew I could not...

Aranis appears to be smitten with little Johanna, but who could blame him? She is simply precious...

There will, I know, be a point in time in which either Aranis or Chester will find out what Luca and I are hiding, and then, we wil both be in trouble- And over what? A baby.

My greatest fear is that Aranis will leave me again... I honestly don't know how I am going to deal with that. This time around, I took a girl's virginity, and I don't even know why.

Anyhow, until that day comes that Johanna's secrets are revealed, I shall make it my duty, and my very promise to Lulu, that I will protect her with my own life...

And if I fail, may God strike me down.

Myka Ophelia Trancy

It really is difficult being incapable of speech, but luckily, I can write...

I don't understand why people want to bloody keep me. I mean, honestly. First, there was that psychotic blonde girl with the yellow rodent hoodie, then there was my idiot brother, and then there was that blonde transvestite.

I am not a dog, I am a wolf. I am not a freaking pet, people.

Cambion says I should stop killing little animals, but I can't help it. They just look so funny when they are about to die... I am amazed for some reason that he does not agree.

I found a white turtle yesterday crawling about the woods, so I picked him up and put him in Cambion's treehouse. When I showed it to him, he told me not to touch it; but I guess that's what I get for killing lizards and frogs and throwing rocks at crows... I did, however, kill a dove, and he seemed pleased about it.

Oh- And I have no idea why I had the urge that one day to take Luca's scissors and carve "Vermin" into Cambion's wrist. I suppose I was bored, really; when I stop thinking as such, I do odd things; and yesterday, I ran a finger along the letters on his wrist and they changed to spell out "Jazabel". Mr. Mello the transvestite says that was his daughter, and that she is dead. I stole a box of pictures she took from under the zombie panda's bed, and I gave Cambion a picture of her because he asked for one. She really interests me for some reason, and I wish someone would tell me more about her...

Oh- Has anybody heard of The Game? Because if you have, you just lost it. Hehe~

Group Blog

Sebastian Michaelis

Ciel, my love... Do you realise what you have done to me? Or do you even care? When I formed a contract with you all those years ago, I hadn't one idea that it would lead up to this...

That was over a century ago.

These days, you lay about the same old manor house and dig though the same old ice box for food. Darling, I won't lie- your rump is getting a little more round every time I look at it. Which, I'm lucky if I get to do so at least once a week. When you are not having cat-naps or snacking on junk food, you are hard at work in your study (or tossing Alois out a window. Remind me again why he is still alive?). I don't see you as often as I wish I could, and that has led me to make some very wrong choices...

It may not be wise to live with regret, but there are far too often times in which that cannot be helped.

As the ruler of Averno, and as an ancient devil who has been living since the dawn of time itself, I am not the best of people. I do stupid things and at times, I do not think them through. I give into temptations, I lie, steal, cheat, etc. Or, I did for a very long while.

I have people, children, who look up to me now (no pun intended, due to the fact that I am the tallest being here). I am more than proud to be a role model for them all. I have been taught to care, and I do not mind it one bit.

Ciel, devils such as myself should not be allowed to sleep. A nap, perhaps, is all right, but to sleep leads to endless nightmares. I have been sleeping by your side the past few months, and each time, the nightmares become worse. You would think that I'd have learned by now... Last night's regarded me stabbing you several times with a holy-water laced blade, killing you.

I'll never forget that face you gave me, even if it was only a dream.

Have I betrayed you so much that I am dwelling on the guilt? Perhaps...

I miss you sometimes, even if you are right here in front of me.

Lucius Caesar Trancy

All right, let me get this straight...

Valdus loves Genevieve. Valdus is one of my best friends.

Genevieve is my ex-girlfriend who apparently dated Valdus only out of pity.

Valdus had sex with Aranis, my adopted brother's lover. That brother is also Valdus's brother. Aranis laced brownies with an aphrodisiac and took advantage when Valdus consumed them. Valdus is innocent. He does not deserve to be hurt any more, by anybody.

Genevieve broke up with Valdus upon finding out and returned to ask for me back. This girl claims she loves me, and I am tempted to give into her. Even if it only means she'll "love" me for a little bit, it's still something. As soon as she gets bored with me, she can go right back to Valdus. Who, at that time, will probably realise she's not... worth his time. Until then... there is no way she could hurt me more than she already has- she is my friend. We grew up together. I want to trust her again, but at what cost? She frightens me so much.

Then again, everything these days seems to frighten me.

Along came Chester in the midst of my pathetic suffering. He showed an interest in me and, wanting the attention, I played along and he and I started to play a dirty little game. He's a tramp, no matter how much he attempts to deny it.

But that tramp has become my best friend, my "'coon"hound puppy. He has a certain charisma that I cannot ignore no matter how much I scold myself. When we first spent a night together, he said that I should not become attached; he does not believe in commitment and hence, does not want a relationship. However, it's been a few weeks now since I've realized that it's too late for me.

I'm falling in love with him and it feels horrible, because he'll not love me back.

The hexed rose I gave him has multiplied into three red blossoms- Such symbolises "I love you". Although Chester adores roses, he is clueless when it comes to their symbolism, and for that I am grateful- for the rose changes in accordance to my feelings toward him.

There is a fourth hexed rose that I keep from him that has turned orange- and I know that it reflects Chester's own feelings for me: "We are friends, but I want more".

...No, you don't.

I don't ever want to be with you. I am not yours, I don't belong to anyone. And I don't want to. I can always get by on my own. I can't say yes to Genevieve, and I cannot be with you. Can't things just carry on without people caring so much about what I want from them?

I want friends. That's all I want. I don't want to be hurt again. I don't want to be in love...

I hate people...

Gabriel Dae Keehl

I miss my sister, even if I hardly knew her. I wish she was here now, to help comfort me. She didn't have to die... She could have accomplished so much more...

It's my fault, really. Everything must be.

Aranis doesn't love me. He just wanted me for sex. Now that I'm sixteen, I'm too old, and he didn't want me anymore.

I should have known better than to date the insufferable bastard who killed my beloved sister, and manipulated, tricked my little brother.

Mark my words, Aranis, I will make you pay for what you've done to me and my siblings, and I will show no mercy! How dare you do this, you arrogant fool?

Go burn in Hell where you belong! May Sebastian send you to the torture chambers to suffer! My hatred for you burns more passionately than my love ever did!

You are a thief, a whore, and a liar, and I will kill you!

Malphas Mephisto Trancy

Last night, I was minding my own bloody business. Y'know, just going to my son's bedroom to tell  him that dessert was ready.

As it turns out, he and Chester were RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF DESSERT. WITH LUCA ON TOP.

Please, do excuse me while I go die in a corner.

Luca - V-Day Post

"Originally Roses where white. One night the Nightingale met a white Rose and fell in Love . His love was so intense that he was inspired to song (for before that, nightingales only croaked and chirped). Eventually his love was such that he pressed himself to the flower and the thorns pierced his heart and coloured the Rose forever red."

I placed a snow white tea rose upon the nightstand astride the bed, as the entity before me still slept. I took one more glance at that flawless face, illuminated by silver streaks of moonshine, and I knew that it may very well be the last night I ever saw it.

It was an enchanted rose, in which, upon the touch of a certain being's flesh would become bloodied and crimson.

Pressed to the inside of my coat was a camellia, white as the rose in which I left upon the pile of cyclamen on the nightstand, in which I had hexed so that it was to never wither nor die so that it might truly reflect myself. But, maybe not really...

No, Chester, you are blinded from everything regarding me- Are you not? Whether or not you choose to be, you really have no idea. I cannot form a bond with you, though I know I already have. I must not fall for you- though I am chronically and innately ill-fated...

I cannot say the same for Valdus... However, I can say that he is in fact, clueless in another sense. He claims I am psychopathical, yet, he still lingers near me, so closely. He, along with everyone else, almost, refuse to let me leave to Germany to attend medical school. We are demons and angels, with the exception of my father and Chester- Twelve years is not so long; they go by in the blink of an eye.

"I shall not leave Friday, nor any other day." I had promised my father. I promised I would be around for Myka, my baby sister. I promised I'd not leave him, and I shall, technically speaking, not.

I'm never gone.

So- One more night, then? I'll need to get everything sorted out and put together, now...

 Perhaps I'd oughta pay Gen and Val a visit.

Father, Chester- it is because of you that I have become what I am today. Genevieve, I could not be happier than I am now, knowing that you've accepted my apology... And Valdus, take care of her...

Sebastian Michaelis

Life has come to a standstill, it seems, where nothing interesting is happening at all. I complain when peace is stripped away, but- ...Honestly. This is ridiculous. I'll stir up a ruckus in a few days if necessary.

I have always been one to become bored easily. Hence, why I still insist on playing the part as butler; I must always remain busy.

You can't really call giving a nine-year old boy a c-section "busy". It's not quite so interesting to dissect a body when you aren't allowed to kill it. And speaking of which, I'd love to "dissect" Riley. Asking for my eldest son's hand in marriage! The nerve of this boy! He really is quite ballsy, I'll give him that much. I dislike him with a passion...

I haven't seen Ciel in a while, and of course, I miss him. I mean... look what happens when I haven't got him to tell me off for things. "Don't do this, don't do that, bad Sebastian, you idiot!"

I need a slap, love. A real damn good one.

Caru Faustus

Nemo was born on Monday. Sebastian carried out the c-section perfectly... Denzel seems just as lively as ever. We're parents, he and I, now. And I couldn't be prouder.

Nemo looks plenty like Sebastian and Malphas. I'm a little sad, yes, that he doesn't look so much like myself or Den, but... nonetheless, I truly believe my son is perfect.

Mum says Ajax got Khod pregnant. He seems really excited that there will be puppies around soon. I think he wants another baby, to be frank- because he hates dogs, so why else would he be excited for puppies? But Cambion won't let him have another. He's probably afraid he'll be a failure of a parent, or just dislikes babies. I don't blame him- I mean... he is, after all, a failure of a hateful child and I hope that the fate that befalls him in the end is a tragic one. He deserves it.

Keaira Dimitri Faustus

Khod is having puppies.

Ajax is a man-whore. A total dog.

Cambion didn't seem so excited about it, I actually thought he might be. Perhaps I look too deeply into things.

I found out that I am highly allergic to the flowers he gave me yesterday- they make me act like I'm on crack, and I think I scared him a bit after sniffing them when he gave them to me. I still don't know just what I did. Which probably means I shouldn't find out.

I think I spend too much time at Claude's grave... but it can't be helped. Even though I'm with Cambion now... I want Claude back. I'm... so torn. It is possible to bring Claude back, but, I have Cambion to think of. I refuse to hurt him. Bringing Claude back is but a thought, and it shall remain that way. I need to learn to let go of the past and be grateful for what I have...

I don't know what to do.

***

"Lucius," called Malphas, his sinewy arm thrown over the back of a kitchen chair, his lengthy legs crossed in a casual fashion.

No response aside a long, high-pitched whine that droned from Ajax. The shepherd lay on his round belly upon the tiled floor, his neck descending in slow motion so that he might lay his chin on his golden forelimbs.

Malphas waited, his violet gaze shifting to the empty doorway as it tore itself away from Ajax. "Luca?"

Nothing.

The devil gave an exasperated exhalation of breath and rose from his seat, letting his arms hang at his sides in a manner that made them appear like he was burdened from the shoulders with heavy weights.

"Lucius Trancy, if you are ignoring me..." He shuffled to the stairway barefoot, and lifted his face from his position at the landing to stare at the very top. A solitary stained glass window glowed dimly in the silver moonlight, the twisted branches of dead trees and creeping vines casting shadows from behind, curling crookedly in the direction of Luca's room.

Malphas heaved a sigh and, lifting a snow-white foot, began his treacherous climb up the ancient staircase. The entire time, he clasped a hand to his abdomen in an almost protective manner. One wrong step, one little slip... It wasn't worth it.

Halfway into his journey, there was a sound so quiet that, at first, Malphas thought it to be the wind. As he came to another step, it sounded like a church choir- but in such a place that was quite literally Hell on Earth, why would a church choir even be near? He listened.

"A nightingale in a golden cage
That's me locked inside reality's maze..."

Had he the ears of a fox, they would have perked up in frivolous interest, and carelessly, the demon continued to sweep up the staircase in utter silence, the pads of his feet leaving nary a creak behind.

"Come,  someone,  make my heavy heart light
Come undone
Bring me back to life...
It all starts with a lullaby."

And, for the longest of moments , Malphas stood at the top of the stairs in which led into a corridor and listened.

"This is who I am
Escapist
Paradise Seeker
Farewell, time to fly
Out of sight
Out of time
Away from all lies."

A burst of energy later, the malignant spirit threw open the door to his youngest son's quarters, a scowl contorting itself upon his flawless visage as his wine-coloured gaze seared through the blackness of the young hellion's den.

A pale body lay sprawled upon the bed, the cream dress shirt let loose from its embrace upon it, its folds gently rising and falling about from under the body's spine. A small, flat abdomen glistened a dazzling white as moonbeams shot the flesh from out a window, the outlines of pink scars painted brutally all about the body's left. A bob of flaxen hair fell over one eye, large and laced about with long, long, noir lashes, the eyelids of the revealed eye darkly shadowed, bags above high-cheekbones. The periwinkle orb marred brightly through all the darkness, directed solely on Malphas.

A grin creeped upon the mangled face.

"Who's there knocking at my window?
The owl and the Dead Boy
This night whispers my name
All the dying children

Come hell or high water
My search will go on
Clayborn Voyage without an end..."

The orb evanesced, swallowed within the shadows, and did not dare open again.

Malphas swayed his weight to the right, and took one more step and cascaded to a kneel before the bedside, taking his son's head in his hands. He bent his neck and kissed the little upturned, pink nose of what once was the most radiant face in all of Hell- for now, it was the most frightful.

"...Sweet dreams, Luca. I love you, my son. I love you."