L- "Too Tired to Come Up With a Title XP"

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations...

Hmm...

So I am momentarily on my flight back to Japan. It's pretty late at night- eh, two a.m.- and... everyone else onboard is asleep. Aside the baby an aisle across from me. He has big black eyes and golden locks... He really reminds me of a certain somebody.

All there is to be heard is the humming of my laptop and the snoring of a man four aisles down, and the plane engines. The sky is nice from this point of view with the stars spilled out like shards of diamonds... It's really beautiful out there.

And it's dark in here, where I am forced captive.

Say what you need to say, Say what you need to say...
Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only . . .
Mello paid me a visit yesterday. Until then, he had been spending less and less time with me. He's lost about three years of his memory and forgot just whose doorstep he was sitting on, looking for chocolate. Even before he had arrived, I found myself irritated. Why do things have to be this way?

I opened the door and prodded him with an inquisitive foot, and startled, he let a small scream escape and whipped out his gun. Yet he let it drop at the sight of me, his pigmentation going pale.

For a long while, I stared back at him, then drew my hands into the shape of a gun. "Bang." I said.

And that's all it took.

"L? ...Am I seeing things?"

"No. I'm pretty sure I'm me. Unless I'm Kira, but I highly doubt that."

He threw himself at me, his lovely gaze brimming with crystalline tears. "Oh my God! Where have you beenb? I haven't seen you since I was 17... So, 2 years ago?"

I cannot tell you how difficult I found it to restrain from hugging him back. It was... simply torture. I uttered a quick apology as he pulled away, smiling so, so sweetly.

"I'm just happy you're here! Oh, god. I was talking to Riley about you today. FYI- You're coming to my wedding."

I clenched my jaw, my heart sinking low into a bottomless pit... Or perhaps, that was just my stomach. I am quite aware my stomach is a bottomless pit...

"Ah, God! L Lawliet. Back. In England. Wait till the boys hear about this!" he said. "Who ever thought of me and marriage?"

...He just seemed too damn happy. It made a knot form in my stomach and I was quite certain my eyes were turning green...

Ahem. As I was saying, I was having a serious case of de ja vu. It really hurt... He's forgotten everything now. Gabriel, Jazebel, and now me. Well, what he and I had... I don't know- no, I can't blame him, even if he made that damned contract without my consent. I fell in love with him. I should have known better. I was never meant to be loved.

I'm L.

Do you know what people mean when they posistion a hand in the shape of an L?

Loser.

That's me, all right.

There is nothing left for me. Everyone is gone. I lost my son- he's dead- and my fiance -he's trapped in his past. Everyone else thinks I'm dead. So I've left England and am headed back to Japan, to start anew.

Watch that go downhill, too.

There is nothing left...

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again

So I suppose I'll have to close this now. I'm emotionally drained. I don't want to stay awake, because I'll be allowed to think. Yet I don't want to sleep, because... I'll dream of you, Mello.

I love you. But this is the one thing I can't fix... Because I'm not that great nor that capable. Not even now... I'm not God. I don't know what to do. I haven't any idea. I feel so stupid.

I feel like I've failed you. Maybe that's because I have... There's nothing I can do but move on.

I hope, Mister Mihael Keehl, that you live the remainder of your life in pure bliss. Don't you cry because you are loved. You are not the uselessness I know you believe you are.

You are so much more than that...

And I'm sorry I had to play the coward in this and abandon you.

It is a selfish act. Maybe my love has never been enough.

I suppose it never will be.

But you won't ever know the difference now.

Nothing matters anymore. Not really...

I'm going to sleep now. Maybe in the morning, I'll feel better. I don't want to live forever in the black. Depression is stupid. I won't become some weird hermit and close up my heart.

Life is for enjoying. Especially if you have to live forever...

Good-bye, Mello. I love you.

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say, say what you need say
Say what you need to say, say what you need to say...

"Say" by John Mayer

Sebastian- "Fine Lines"

I must hurry and write this out.

There are only about two segments in my day that I can find the salvation of sanity. They last about fifteen minutes each. And every time my sanity returns, it's like a speed bump.

I can not describe to you all the guilt and humility I am feeling right now. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... This isn't me.

No, this isn't the me you have moulded me out to be, my love. It's not. I'm but reverting back to what I once was- this blood-eyed monster! This fanged fiend, this horned Harlot...

It won't leave me be. It won't. This starvation blinds me alongside my newfound hatred for everything life has to offer- even you. And I hate all of it. I hate everything!

I promised I wouldn't hate you and yet this monster has told you otherwise.

Please don't believe him. I don't hate you.

I just need you to know that, no matter what happens.

Please, remember this: I love you, my Ciel. And I'm sorry for all I have done.

Maybe I shouldn't be, but I am.

I'm sorry to everyone. I have wronged them, as well.

All out of hunger and hatred.

What have I done- No, what has this devil done?

I am Sebastian Michaelis. I am Ciel Phantomhive's lover. I have a family with him. I have so much I need to care about.

I greatly hope my love for them helps me find victory in the end, because, for now-

I am at war with myself.

There is a fine line between Love and Hate.

Which will win?

Malphas- "FML"

Can't I be content for once in my life, without being bloomin' bored?

Alois and I had sex, after a month-long strike (no thanks to Phantomhive; fuck him).

Jazebel is alive because, apparently, Sebastian raped her.

Sebastian is now a king of Hell, by the way. Which is... a very scary concept.

Mello threw a fit at this.

And now I am stuck having to "fix" this. "This" being Sebastian.

Oh- And guess what?

Yeah, that time Alois ordered me to stay put no matter what? The time Cambion attacked me? And I had to regrow every body part he cut off?

I regrew my reproductive system, as well.

Guess who's bloody pregnant?

Me, myself, and I.

Isn't that just lovely?

Alois is going to explode.

Group Blog 2

Sebastian Michaelis

Love is my sin and thy dear virtue hate,
Hate of my sin, grounded on sinful loving:
O, but with mine compare thou thine own state,
And thou shalt find it merits not reproving;
Or, if it do, not from those lips of thine,
That have profaned their scarlet ornaments
And seal'd false bonds of love as oft as mine,
Robb'd others' beds' revenues of their rents.
Be it lawful I love thee, as thou lovest those
Whom thine eyes woo as mine importune thee:
Root pity in thy heart, that when it grows
Thy pity may deserve to pitied be.
If thou dost seek to have what thou dost hide,
By self-example mayst thou be denied!

Jazebel Keehl

Gabriel, I named him. I can't say where I "found" him, because it is strictly confidential information. Cambion says I should let Malphas have him- but I can't let that happen. Yet, if I don't, I have to tell Cambion where this little angel came from. And I can't do that either, master or not. It's a bit personal for me. What's worse- he may just make me kill Gabriel. And I cannot have that happen. As much as I love Cambion, I've realised, what is the point in trying to sell a person something they will never buy? This contract is going to take its toll on me, and I know it. I do believe now that Mello was correct. But, if this all happens, I won't be the only one who is hurt. What am I to do? What am I to do with my master? ...Nothing. And that is how it has to be. I must sit here, and watch this play out, only taking action when Cambion tells me to. If he does make me kill this baby- now that I know where it came from- I can fully ensure my heart will be broken. And not just by the loss of Gabriel.

Nameless

I made my way to Sunbury two days ago. I've also manipulated my body to age to sixteen years old, so that it would not seem a twelve year old boy with strange eyes and strange hair and innocent features- Well, actually, I suppose it doesn't make much of a difference. The world outside is probably about as messed up as it was back at the manor houses. But the only true reason I regret leaving is because of my children. And at the same time, I don't know if I could even stand to look at them right now. Bambi, especially- he looks a bit more like Skye. These children were but the result of me being used. As a sex toy, as a baby machine. And they, quite frankly, disgust me on a certain level when I think of this. I don't want to look at them. I don't want to go back. There is no reason to whatsoever. This is where I'm going to be selfish and not care. I refuse to be hurt again. It's absolutely unnecessary.

L. Lawliet

I finally gave Mello what he wanted last night. Even though I was exhausted. Why? ...To make the long story short, I simply despise angel anatomy. This is ridiculous. It doesn't even make sense. But it happened. I doubt Mello would be pleased... That aside, I've entrusted Jazz with this "problem" for the time being. Yes, I know: Why would an angel trust a demon? < That's actually a very stupid question I feel should not have to be answered. Come on, people, use your goddamned brains.

Keaira Dimitri Trancy

A little rabbit followed me around the woods yesterday on my way back home. I see these guys often, but this one was just a little too different... Yes, it had a black pelt and her its were a shade of burgundy, much like Sebastian's. I suppose it's nothing, really. Anyway, I also had a paper sac with some pregnancy tests in it for Claude (we're going to try for another baby, I think), and a cookie in another small bag for Aurelei. I'm guessing the rabbit must have smelled the cookie, because it tore up the bag and then crawled back out, looking hungry. When I picked it up, it cuddled into and purred, but as soon as I explained to it that the cookie was for my daughter (for some reason, it could understand me...) it went quiet, licked my cheek, leapt out of my arms, and ran off. I find this peculiar, and I most certainly will be looking forward to seeing it again. This is something I believe needs to be looked into.

Malphas Mephisto Trancy

ONE MORE DAYYYYYYY. *dies*

Lecea Seleby Michaelis-Phantomhive

I do believe a war has started between myself and Cambion. Unfortunately, it does not seem that he cares much about the target I pinpointed last night- Miss Jazebel. Which really is a shame. That, or he really does not believe I will come out victorious. He really needn't be so confident; such will be his downfall. Whether he cares about Miss Keehl or not doesn't matter to me. In the end, I will kill her. My next target, I suppose, must be my own father, unfortunately... And we were getting along so well. But... anything to win, yes? After all, these are all but my pawns to manipulate (except Bambi, of course. He's the only person I love in this world at all.).

Fin.

Sebastian's Blog- Hid Under Lock & Key...

Take heed to these words, for every time I look down at my shadow on the floor, I know I am gradually... "demoning", as Grelle would say...:


The secret side of me
I never let you see
I keep it caged
But I can't control it
So stay away from me
The beast is ugly
I feel the rage
And I just can't hold it
It's scratching on the walls
In the closet, in the halls
It comes awake
And I can't control it
Hiding under the bed
In my body, in my head
Why won't somebody come and save me from this?
Make it end!
I feel it deep within,
It's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I
Feel like a monster
I hate what I've become
The nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I
Feel like a monster
I feel like a monster

My secret side I keep
Hid under lock and key
I keep it caged
But I can't control it
Cause if I let him out
He'll tear me up
And break me down
Why won't somebody come and save me from this?
Make it end!
It's hiding in the dark
It's teeth are razor sharp
There's no escape for me
It wants my soul,
It wants my heart
No one can hear me scream
Maybe it's just a dream
Or maybe it's inside of me
Stop this monster!
I, feel like a monster...


***


Dear Ciel,




Evil's most sinister form comes in that of Hope, for it prolongs the torment of all.


Vile and cruel, indeed, it is- The evil that is in the world almost always comes of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence if they lack understanding. All that we are is the result of what we have thought. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him. Shall I tell you what the real evil is? To cringe to the things that are called evils, to surrender to them our freedom, in defiance of which we ought to face any suffering...


If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed. Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.  And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before. Hope is the dream of a soul awak. Hope never abandons you; You abandon it. There is love of course. And then there's life, its enemy. 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived. The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.

Love is a given, hatred is acquired. Heaven has no rage, like love to hatred turned,
Nor Hell a fury, like a devil scorned.

Hate Love,

                    "Sebastian".

Jazz's Blog- How do ya like me now, bitches?

So, yeah. I spoke with Sebby yesterday (NOT in a happy mood. On a scale of one through ten- ten being exploding- I'd give him a nine) and, as it turns out, my daddy is trying to break the contract between myself and Cambion.

What. The. Flying squirrels.

This is where I consider myself lucky Sebastian is friends with Cambion.

I honestly don't know what Mello is even thinking. I chose to become a contracted demon all by myself- I'm not a little girl anymore. I can take care of myself and make my own decisions. I just wish he'd realise that.

He probably think I'm going to wind up hurt, and that Cambion's a little shitbag. He thinks Cam would harm me. He doesn't know anything. Even if Cambion does hurt me, I can't do a thing about it, and I'm perfectly fine with that. I am the boy's servant now- I follow his will and his will only.

Dad needs to read up on Faustian contracts and demonic diplomacy.

I made this contract for selfish reasons. I do not wish to see Cambion suffer in the firey pits of Hell when he dies. And so I shall serve him until his dying day. In the end, I get to protect him and make him smile and laugh. That's all I want in this world.

If I get hurt, so be it. I am prepared. I would give my life to protect my master, I would happily take a bullet. Every inch of me belongs to him now, from my toes down to my very last strand of hair. If he wishes to mess with my mind, then I will let him. If he desires to toy with my emotions, who am I to stop him?

If he dare lays so much as a finger- if anyone does, actually- on my master, I will not hesitate to attack and even kill if necessary. I have aesthetics. Mello needs to acknowledge that.

Meanwhile, Cambion has been absolutely brilliant. I am currently working on building a treehouse for us when our "parents" kick us out and we have nowhere else to really go. Speaking of which- Ciel has gone on another asshole streak and seems to have zero tolerance for poor Cambion lately, more or less. I can only hope Phantomhive improves his behaviour soon. I don't hink he realises just how many people he's hurting, even indirectly. Primarily Sebastian and Cam. I worry for both of them.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to fetch Cambion's chocolates from the Trancy house.

~<3 Jazz

Lecea's Blog-

When I came to the room at the end of the hallway, the very first thing that I was able to see was a head of marble-coloured hair, fashioned messily.

Oh, hell no...

I took a deep breath and sped right out of there, advancing to the staircase. There were soon footsteps that sounded dissimiliar to mine. I gritted my teeth when a voice came, as well, following me just like those steps.

"Hi there, Lecea."

"...You."

There was then a bump into my backside. "Whoa- Me?"

"No shit. Watch where you're going. Idiot."

It was at this point that I swiveled around to face him.

Bambi. Bambi the half-demon, half-angel, with the marbled hair, and with the doe eyes.  Bambi, the only one I had love left to give to. Bambi... My Bambi...

He blinked, appauled. "...What's wrong? I've missed you..."

I gritted my teeth and snapped my gaze away, and began trekking up the stairs with my usual limp. "Don't you dare tell that to me now."

And of course I was followed by this very confused boy. "But...! What did I do...?"

"Just go away."

"I don't wanna go awayyy..." With that blue-flecked brown gaze of his, he stared right up at me, his thin lips plastered into a frown. "Tell me, what's wrong? W-why are you being like this?"

"...All this time and still no brains. Idiot. Bugger off."

"Is it because I haven't sen you in a long time? You told me to leave you alone a while ago, so I did, a-and... I really really wanted to see you..."

Yes, Bambi. Provoke my tear-ducts, why don't you? "...Why so long? Why'd you have to listen to me?" I uttered.

"...'Cause that's what you wanted."

I couldn't look at him. No, not with my eyes welling up so severely. However, I am certain my voice gave me away. "...I thought I lost you."

"I thought I lost you, too." he whimpered. "You didn' seem very happy with me, and I didn't even do nothin'..."

From the top of the stairs, I raced all the way back down- despite my injury- and I threw my arms around him, the tears streaming down my face.

"You're the only damn thing that keeps me sane... Don't you dare let me tell you to go away ever again!"

He returned my favour and held me, resting his chin on my shoulder and beginning to cry, as well. "I-I promise. I won't. I... I love you."

"I love you too!"

How sappy... But I guess sappiness is pretty okay.

"I missed you so much, Lecea. I really really did."

"I missed you, too."

"C-c'mon..." And he took me up to his room and pushed me down on his bed. Bambi, my Bambi...

"I don't you to ever leave me, 'cause I dunno if I can take it anymore." he said.

"I won't. I won't leave you. I don't want to."

***

We eventually made our way outside and stared up at the stars together- like diamonds sewn to a lady's dark velvet dress, they were. I looked at Bambi- he's really very beautiful. If I didn't know better, I might mistake him for a girl... Even his name- But that's aside the point. He's mine, and I am his. And that's all that matters.

It was all perfect until things got a bit steamy... In the end, nothing was accomplished. Which is actually probably good...

I asked a rather embarassing favour of him, which he has yet to fulfill...

I think I fell asleep in Bambi's arms during the middle of a conversation. He'll probably be angry at me for that. But not for long, 'cause I don't want him to be. He's my best friend and he's also my lover. I never really cared about being alone until I met him. This feeling chills me to the bone...

Daddy, tell me this isn't love. I dare you.

You can go die for all me and Mummy and everyone else cares. Because I don't. And Cambion can go die too. I hope Miss Jazebel make stealing his soul the most agonising thing in existence.

You're all just jerks.

Tequila's Blog- "Detrás de esta Máscara"

My name is Alejandro Enrique de la Cruz.

I was born in New York city in December of 1995.

Both of my parents were originally from Madrid, Spain. My father was of impressive military lineage, and my mother was a fashion designer- she was actually a gringa (white girl)- with great potential that would never be noticed according to both her and my father's deaths in '99. Our apartment in New York was burgalarized and burned down. My parents were both shot to death.

A fireman managed to salvage me from the wreckage of the building hours later, as I had remained hidden, asleep in my closet with my pet dog, Pooka, who did not survive.

I grew up in a catholic monestary. Or was it something else? I didn't pay attention, because the place was crap. The nuns there were crap. Strict. Ugly.

When I was twelve, I snuck through the ventilation shafts, snuck out, and never returned.

I bumped into a few street-wise prostitutes- both male and female- and they raised me.

I acted just like them. I called myself a whore.

But do you want to know something?

I'm a virgin.

The money I got? ...I actually worked at a nice job as a waiter. The whores in my district always wondered how I got so much money, and when I said "I earned it through hard work" they asked me, "How the hell many do you manage in one night? You must be good, nino."

Nah. Not me.

When they would ask to sleep with me, as well, to see just how "bueno" I was, I would turn them down. Every time. And they thought I had an ego.

I figured, So be it. I don't want sex. It scares me. I don't want it with anyone who doesn't mean a thing to me.

Prostitute?

...No.

Just a poor little orphaned Spanish boy.

"De le Cruz" means "of the cross".

Well, where the Hell is God when I need Him, if my name is so "holy"?

Fuck Him. I can get by on my own. As I always have.

My name is Tequila.

From Malphas to Alois.

Dear Alois,

                                                I am going to rape you.

                                                                   -Love, Malphas, your >perfect, needy< husband ^^ <3

Sebastian's Blog- Kitty Paper

Both the flowers and the trees are sad
Only being able to grow toward the sky
Every time they look down they remember
And they look up once again.

You look so sad as you sleep
As if you are having a bad dream
But I am here. Right beside you.
And I won’t go anywhere.
How do I live without you?

Everyone looks up at the sky
But then glances back down
You will never see the blue sky unless you search for it
Which may seem sad
You have lived mistaking freedom for selfishness
Relying on a starless night
With an invisible eye
Wandering around

I have had nothing to be afraid of
Because I had nothing to protect
Not tomorrow or ten years after
The me now is scared
I  live happy, my sweetheart
Everyone cries with the sky
Lend out a hand, and dream a dream
The blue sky I've ever seen
I will always protect it

The shadow is free to flap its wings and fly around
For I do not long for it anymore
Everyone isn’t free
Freedom isn’t anything like that
It’s just that the sky doesn’t have a road

In the sky called “you”
Is where I am trapped
I am not going anywhere
So please don’t go anywhere either

Everyone is in the sky
In the cage called “freedom”
It is enough if you are here
For in this sky I do not need wings anymore.

 The darkness amounted to nothing, nor did that sickingly sweet smell in whose origin appeared to be the damp rag I was cuddling up to. I could catch the slightest whiff of fresh air and though my drowsy eyes had just opened, there was a visible light-source.

I took a seat and let whatever needed to sink in come to me, my eyes, I knew, lazily half-lidded.

Okay, rag... I had been drugged. And I knew I was wearing a dress, and in my hair was a small tiara encrusted with cheap rhinestones, that you might purchase at a cheap litle baptismal store. It took me a little longer to notice I was also wearing lingerie.. And that I was in a box. How troublesome... Upon realisation, I crawled out tiredly and flopped all the way down to the tile kitchen floor. So much for saving grace...

"This isn't my hotel..."

Too soon, my thoughts were cut off at the sight of Ciel. He had curled up on the sofa with a quite exhausted expression, his gaze coming to fall on me.

"What are you doing here?" he sighed.

At this point, I had made several deductions that came down to the guess that-

"Oh, I get it. i'm dreaming. I'm in a dress. And wearing lingerie. Heh... I must have some serious problems..." I ranted unintelligbly.

"You're not dreaming. You really are wearing lingerie. Idiot."

"And you are just here because I really fucking miss you."

"I'm not lying!" Ciel chunked his cane at me, and quite frankly, it hurt. "Ugh, you're just as moronic as ever."

The pain surged up my shoulder and it was then that I realised-  I wasn't dreaming. I shook it off and asked: "Why am I here?"

"I have no idea. But look." Ciel held up the box I had been in. When I saw how small it was, I wondered just how I had managed to fit in it... "Cat wrapping paper."

"...I was a gift?"

"...I suppose you could call it that." He then took the box and threw it away with a neutral expression, and at this point, I was unsure of how to react. I am positive I must have uttered at least his name, for, he looked over at me for a moment, then back to the trash bin, silent.

"...Are you all right lately?" I asked, though I had taken into account prior that it was a stupid question.

"Do I look all right to you?" He frowned. His hair stuck up wildly in various place and looked as if he had not been properly washing it. He had heavy bags beneath his eyes that somewhat resembled Mister Lawliet. I honestly wasn't certain if I wanted to know what else he had managed- or not managed.

"..No." I looked down guiltily. This hadn't worked the way I had expected it to. At all. In any way.

"I..." He started, furrowing his brows and fidding with his bare ring finger. "I really missed you!"

"I missed you as well..." I was so ashamed...

"...You were gone for too long."

"I was not sure if I was allowed back..."

"And if you were?"

"..You know I couldn't stay away for so long."

"...I don't know whether I shoul;d be happy about that or not. I don't know if I should let you live here, now that we aren't married."

Bloody Hell, I wasn't even here willingly...

"Do as you please. You will always be my master. And... here." I silently slipped off my own ring- which I had kept on- and placed it in Ciel's hand. He looked right down at it.

"...What do you want me to do with this?"

I only shook my head. I didn't want to speak. Such was unnecessary...

He suddenly flashed me an accusing glare. Oh dear, I knew what was coming... Master and dog training time.

"Sebastian... Why aren't we married anymore?"

"Because of me..."

"And what did you do?"

"I fucked up..."



"I thought you would be happier away from me."

"Now that you've seen what has happened, do you realise you were wrong?"

I but nodded. This was humiliating, but I figured I deserved it. I felt like a scolded puppy. But I suppse such is suitable, no? After all, I am but his dog...

"Last question." He paused.

My heart sank to my stomach as I prepared myself to be chided yet again. The feeling was simply awful...

What he said next, I hadn't been expecting at all.

"Would you consider... marrying me? Again, I mean?"

...Was that just a proposal? I was admittedly shocked, even if I tried my very hardest to play it off. How was I supposed to react to that? If I said yes, this would be our third time... (The first divorce- which I had hoped would be our only one- happened under stupid circumstances involving Lachrimae's ex-husband somehow managing to send in the wrong papers, plotting ridiculous things as he always did... So technically, it wasn't a genuine divorce. Neither Ciel nor myself agreed to it.)

After all that had happened recently, I took a breath and said this to him:

"Can I properly win your heart again, first, and show you I was so wrong and that I am sorry?"

He agreed and threw my arms around him, only to have him push me onto the couch and cuddle into me, clinging somewhat.

"Don't let me go." he said.

"I don't want to."

And he hid his face away, though it was obvious he had begun to cry. "Good."

Upon further discussion, he told me that Riley had sauntered into the manor house yet again and had rummaged through the groceries. He also said that he hadn't been getting enough sleep, due to "everyone leaving" him. He was worried about me and Cambion's new Faustian contract with Jack. I asked him if he was too angry to give me a kiss.

"You don't deserve it." he said. But in the end, he gave in, and I was quite appreciative. I missed the taste of his lips, the warmth that surged through my spine everytime we touched...

He wants me to behave myself now. I fear botching things up again, but I will try my hardest. I cannot help but wonder how long this happiness will last...

For a while, we spoke. I complained about my dress and leaving all my clothes back at the hotel, and he dared me to walk around in the nude- all the time. I must get back at him for that, because I was appauled enough to (I was taking the dress off anyway, to see if I could tailor it into something more appropriate) rip the sleeve of the dress all the way down to my waist.

He snickered cheekily at this. "I suppose you'll have to now, won't you?"

What a brat. Then the topic of waxing came up... Yes, I had gone a few days. So what? I was too busy moping about to even care. He never complained about this a century ago. How utterly annoying. So to please him, I immediately went to do so, and when I came back, he said to me:

"That's much better. I tried to wax while you were away, but I couldn't seem to do it right and it's... kind of... wrong."

"What did you do?"

"There's... nothing there."

"...What?"

"I... I waxed it all off."

"...Waxed what off?" I raised a brow. I wasn't sure if I liked where this was going.

"Don't worry, it's just... bare."

"Show me." Oh, my God...

He blushed and refused, but I remained persistent, and indeed, it was exactly what I thought it was. My poor Ciel... He told me to fix it even when he was aware such was impossible. To be honest, I thought about getting a stuffed animal and-

Ahem.

Back to my clothing issue, I now stood nude in the middle of the room.

"I need clothes..."

"No you don't. It was a dare, you have to walk around nude. All the time."

"But, the childen..."

"I don't care. They're bound to find out soon, anyway. Do it." He snickered.

What a child.

I was absolutely determined to have my way. And so I leaned down and whispered into his ear rather seductively. "But I desire for only you to see me naked..." Aka, I am not sharing myself with our children. This body is for Ciel to look at. No one else. Hell, even when I rape anyone, I never strip myself. Besides... I've caught Ciel drooling over me on several occasions and it just brings a smirk to my face... How amusing.

He told me to go find clothes, and so I did.

Poor Ciel... when I returned from changing clothing, he was busy looking at what his sad attempt at waxing had cost him.

"Nothing." He pouted.

Oh, such an adorable face... I simply had to take the bate and cuddle up to him, and he sighed contentedly.

"It's good to have you back, Sebastian."

"Is there anything I can do for you?"

"I... I just want to sleep." And like an adorable kitten, he shut his eyes and let out a tiny yawn. I was so immensely happy to be back... My Ciel, my precious Ciel. My only, only, only love.

"Shall I take you to your room?" I offered.

He looked up at me with his eyes- two fathomless oceans I never once ceased to become lost in.

"Our room, yes."

He let me carry him up, and we soon curled up into one another.

Then we slept. (no smex, let's have a round of applause, shall we? ^^)

Let us see what happens next.

Nameless's Blog- "Recklessness"

I cannot begin to stress to you the severity of the amount of reckless acts that have taken place in this short period of time.

Excuse me for inturrupting; Allow me to introduce myself. I am a demon who was never given a name. My friends call me "Nameless." I am twelve years old in human years. My skin lacks pigmentation, and therefore, I am albino. I am blank. Nothingness.

My story goes like this: I was born in Hell and when I was about seven, I was taken up to Earth and, there, I met my father and one of his friends, Skye. At this point in time, I was utterly emotionless. I reacted to nothing emotion-wise. I could not feel.

I wonder if now I should have stayed that way.

But then, Father would give Skye the impression that he loved me. I wanted nothing to do with Skye but he clung to me like a child to his mother. As if we were best friends. As time wore on, I couldn't help myself and I know now I had started developing feelings for him without completely realising. He was the first one to make me feel anything. He was the first one to bring a smile to my face.

It wasn't long before he called me his and vice versa.

I fell in love.

There was a time in which Tsumi no longer wanted us together. We fought hard just to stay together. Tsumi locked Skye out of the house and me, in my room. In deperation, I escaped from out my window, and we ran away with each other.

When we decided to return a couple of months ago, Skye decided that he suddenly didn't love me. I was only friendship material. I thought, "You must be bloody kidding me. After all we've been through... You are barking mad." What had I done wrong? Why wasn't I good enough?

In tears, I fled to Hell, to assist my brother, Malphas, who had become a king. I adored my brother- I still do- and I stayed by his side as his advisor. He was my only source of comfort. He was like a pillow to spill my tears on, tell all my troubles to, a cushion to rest my heartbreak on.

Skye came after me when he realised I was missing. I was willing to give him a second chance. Then he uttered to me the words,

"But I don't love you, Nameless."

And I, for whatever reason, began to hate him.

Someplace in Malphas's palace, I hurt my love both physically and emotionally. This stupid angel... Again, I fled in tears, and I pierced my heart with a dagger and "died." Or at least killed off the human bit of me and survived as a full demon.

It was a long time before Skye realised.

There is a long part of the story that involves me taking over Malphas's and Alois's daughter's stillborn body. And I lived through her. That ended in tragedy... She gave birth to Skye's son, Bambi, and died from anatomical deformitites.

When she died, all that was left was me. I had returned, and soon enough, Skye and myself were married.

However- There was a hitch.

Elias Taylor.

I find the chap lovely. But Skye had fallen in love with him not long after I had committed suicide.

It was when I learned this that I regretted marrying him. He didn't love me.

He doesn't love me.

I didn't listen.

I didn't learn.

I should know better, because-

Ciel and Sebastian. Bambi and Lecea. Keaira and Aranis. Other couples.

They fail to listen. Some of them lie because they're just too damned nice and smitten and- It angers me. They're stupid. They never learn because this is practically what they're saying.

"Oh, love, it's okay if you cheat on me."

"It's okay if you touch our children innapropriately."

"It's okay if you say you love your daddy and not me."

"It's okay if you commit suicide."

"It's okay if you leave."

"It's okay if I don't love you."

"It's okay if you don't take care of yourself."

"It's okay if you don't care about our family."

"It's okay if you're just using for sex because someone else won't give it to you."

"It's okay if you hate me."

"It's okay to be disloyal."

"It's okay for me not to care if you're dead and gone."

"It's okay, my love. Deceive me."

Is it really okay? Of course not.

Grow some balls. Speak out for yourselves. You have a voice, every one of you.

Does it really take a blank slate to tell you such a thing?

Are you too stupid to figure it out for yourself?

Why don't you learn? Why don't you speak out? Why don't you say what's hurting you?

Must your pride get in your way?

Must you be so reckless?

Today, I paid Elias a visit. I trust him, admire him, I want him to take care of my Skye, where I could not. I am not willing to put someone else first in such a situation. I can't stay here any longer.

I'm leaving this awful place. I don't want to belong here.

It's pathetic.

Such is all I have to say:

"Through me you pass into the city of woe:
Through me you pass into eternal pain:
Through me among the people lost for aye.
Justice the founder of my fabric mov'd:
To rear me was the task of power divine,
Supremest wisdom, and primeval love.
Before me things create were none, save things
Eternal, and eternal I endure.
All hope abandon ye who enter here.
Such characters in colour dim I mark'd
Over a portal's lofty arch inscrib'd:
Whereat I thus: Master, these words import."

                                                        The End.



Jazz's Blog- The Contract

According to the events of last night, I am, as of now, a collared dog.

My attempts to create a new identity for myself have failed, as Cambion came to me last night and threw his arms around me, crying "Jazz!"

I never asked him how he found out. In the long run, I did admit to being Jazz, because I knew, he would never let me win an argument. Especially when all the deductions he had made were far too sensible.

Yes, why did Jack appear days after Jazz die? Why had no one ever heard of him? Why had Sebastian never told anyone where Jazz's body was? Why did Jack look so much like Jazebel?

I was hoping he would never put so much thought into it. But he did.

He seemed so happy... That smile of his... The way his eyes gleamed...

I know his final destination is most certainly Hell. Demon's intuition, but, I could not bear to watch such a lovely boy- my best friend- suffer. To see that face burned and miserable, to see his soul be tormented, would surely drive me right into a church to steal the holy water for myself...

In that moment, I desired nothing more than to save him. Make him mine. Protect  him.

I asked him to form a contract with me. Here on Earth, I would serve him and follow his every order in exchange for his soul, so that I may forever protect it.

He insists on keeping that old locket of mine and the note contained within it. I don't know why he wants to. I don't expect him to love me. I haven't any right to, as much as I love him...

This contract is the closest I will ever get to being his.

So long as I never see that locket again, I am sure I will be able to accept this. I will not allow myself to long for him. Such is foolish and futile.

I am his servent. He is my master. This is how it is, and should be, and has to be.

I am his obediant bitch, his faithful pet, his humble friend.

I love you, my Cambion... I owe you so much. This is not a label.

I speak only the truth, for I am your unworthy dog.

Sebastian's Blog- Porcelain

In my dreams I'm dying all the time
As I wake its kaleidoscopic mind
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to lie
So this is goodbye
This is goodbye

Tell the truth you never wanted me
Tell me

In my dreams I'm jealous all the time
As I wake I'm going out of my mind
Going out of my mind...

In this world, mistakes are made so often that if one sole being were to count all of the mistakes everyone makes even in the compressed time of one day, he would be God.

I will, right now, go ahead and tell you that everything that has happened is my own fault. I did this myself. I'm the bad person here.

Of course, however, let us strip all of that away from myself and reveal what lies within my heart.

Regret.

Oh, how I regret leaving my Ciel- my heaven. I cannot tell you how much I long for him. But I knew the sacrifices I would make by choosing to carry out my actions.

The sacrifices, yes. Perhaps, however, not all the consequences...

I have been staying in a hotel in London for a few days now. As luxurious as it is, it is nothing compared to the manor. It is spacious, as well, and at times, I will stand in the middle of it and look around at the sun-bleached white walls and the glistening tile flooring, and realise just how lonely it is there. White like sin. White like a blank slate. White like... emptiness.

In fact, yesterday, I was driven to the point where I felt ill from looking at it, grabbed my coat, and walked out. I needed some air.

Sometime later, on the streets of the west end, I bumped into a fimiliar face. Riley.

This, the Riley that fair made my bile rise. The Riley that so disgustingly tried to flirt with me whilst I was pregnant with Lecea. The Riley that thought he could just burst into my master's home and find himself a nice jar of peanut butter. Just like a rat, Riley. Vermin. Filth. A dirty whore.

When I saw him last evening, he was eating a chicken leg (for a change) on the side of the street, which he had apparently bought with his last bit of money, and seemed to be thoroughly enjoying it. He looked up at me with that glazed over (with stupidity, no doubt) green gaze, and stared for just a moment before backing up a little. I had to force the smug smirk from my face... I intimidate him? My, my...

"You." I said. "You needn't be afraid any longer."

For a long moment, he just looked at me, his eyes stretched wide. "Why?"  

"...Well, I'm not in the mood to harm anyone right now, is all." I lied. (Yes, I'll lie to rats, but never to my master nor a friend. That is against my aesthetics.)

"That's a first." Riley scoffed. He then stuck out his tongue and threw the bare chicken bone at me, striking me in the shoulder.

I kneeled down before him with a raised brow, and slaped a hand down on the patch of concrete adjacent to the boy's hips, and leaned closer. He flashed me a rather unamused expression.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

I then lifted my hand and showed Riley its palm. "There was a bug."

As I blowed it away, Riley contorted his ugly face. "Oh, gross. Go wash your hands... That's disgusting."

How utterly annoying... I removed my gloves and asked if such would suffice. And to tell the truth, glimpsing down at my left hand, I wondered, "Where the bloody hell is my seal?"

I rememebered, and immidiately, a knot of mixed feelings twisted itself about in my stomach. I felt I would be sick as my heart sank. It was Riley's voice that brought me out of my pathetic state of mind again.

"...Yeah. That's fine, whatever. Why do I care?"

So many times I had heard that, and it angered me. I played it off emotionlessly, keeping my composure. "Why do you? It was merely an insect." I batted my lashes innocently.

"Yeah, and bug guts are gross." He shoved me away. "I don't want someone being so close to me with bug hands."

"...My. I'm "gross?""

"...Very."

He probably didn't notice, but at this point, I had been struggling to vent my anger and my hand had pressed so hard against the ground below that it was beginning to crack.

"It's fine." I sat up and looked away from him, seething. "Insult me. It's nothing new."

He stared right back up at with with a shrug. "Oh, but I do like your hair. What's up with you? Why aren't you back at that big mansion thing?"

I was not about to discuss this, to him, especially. I made sure to shoot him a glare of death, so as to intimidate him further. "...That shouldn't matter to you."

He pouted. "I'm just curious, jeez... You're an idiot. I deserve to know things."

Idiot. I hated that just as much as the "I don't care." And I most certainly was not about to tolerate it.

"Idiot. Tch." I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck begininning to prickle in irritation. "You're one to speak, Riley."

"I'm an idiot, yes." He retaliated bluntly. "A sexy idiot."

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

I gave up on him. What a worthless waste of time...

"And I am just... nothing." I muttered miserably. Riley's gaze ceased to stray from me. I couldn't tell if I really did just have attention from him, or if he was just wary I might harm him yet again.

"Dude, seriously, what's up? You wanna talk about something?"

"No. I don't."

To this, he didn't respond, and so I continued, something genuinely stupid snapping in my mind. I glanced at  him, noticing he looked just a tad bit tackier than he had since Mister Lawliet had bought him a penthouse out of pure generousity. I automatically knew what this meant.

He was broke, and might just whore himself to obtain even a pound of currency.

"Riley," I said. "You look like you need money, yes?"

"Uh, kinda, yeah. Why?"

Crouching down, I took his chin with a hand and ensured he was looking me straight in the eyes. "...If you do me a favour, I will pay you a significant amount."

Thank goodness even this idot knew what I meant by "favour." Unforunately, he flat out rejected me, which annoyed me even further.

"I don't think so, man. Not you."

"Oh? ...I see. I'm simply not good enough for anyone nowadays." Not even my own Ciel...

"Nah, that's not what I'm saying... I mean, you're... really fucking scary."

"I am not." I sighed. "I'm just pathetic."

Raising a brow, he uttered. "Yeah, you're acting pathetic right now. If ya want him back or somethin', then... just, not be pathetic?"

"...I'd rather suffer, alone, knowing that he could be free of the devil who so fouly corrupted him... Myself."

I had now gained his sympathy without even using manipulation. This was the truth. He crawled over and rested his head on the same shoulder he had previously hit with the chicken bone.

"That's sad."

"It's my fault... So much of it, all his pain and misery..." I closed my eyes, suddenly feeling very hopeless. I missed him so much...

"Well, I dunno what's goin' on, but I'm sure you're both wrong about a lot of things."

"I miss him very much... But I must endure this."

He seemed almost shocked. "Endure... no love or sex?"

"It's difficult. The loving bit especially. I would cry if I had any tears left. But I suppose I haven't the right to."

"And what will sex with me do to help any of that? Don'cha think it would make your love even angrier?"

I didn't care. No, I didn't care if it upset Ciel, because... I don't know why. What was going on with me? What... It hurt me quite a bit... I didn't necessarily want this myself, but... if I could just imagine...

"I want him to hate me." I stated. "Such would be the ultimate punishment for which I am worthy of."

Riley sunk his teeth into my shoulder. "What if he doesn't wanna hate you?"

"Owch... Then I'll just have to make him."

"Make him hate you? How?"

"I'm a demon. Such a thing would not be difficult..."

"Oh, cool. Whatever."

"Without him, I am just what I once was. But much weaker..."

I was now losing his attention, for, he began to sing.

"Under the sea... You'll find it better down where it's wetter, under the sea!~"

I proceeded to tell him not to make it sound so kinky, and that I was not a crab (Hence, The Little Mermaid's "Sebastian".) We continued for a bit with idle talk and singing, which only made me lose interest even sooner.

In the end, I had my way with him. I didn't know who disgusted me more. Him or myself...

"Er... Crab? What are you doing?"

"...You."

"...Nah, that's... that's not right."

"And why not?"

"Because, I don't want it. G-get off of me."

"It's not worth the money, then?"

"No. It's... It's not. C-c'mon, man, stop it."

"That's it, struggle..."

"N-no. Stop, get off of me... I'm gonna call the fuzz!"

"...No one uses that term anymore, kid. Shut up."

"Agh! I swear-!"

"You dare question my actions, human?"

I-I, no, stop it! Your little lover boy's going to be a-angry...!"

"He doesn't fucking care anyway! He just wants me for sex, dammit! Actually,  he doesn't even want my sex anymore! He'd prefer to molest our children behind my back or use toys! What am I fucking good for anymore?!"

"At the moment, I don't really care! Aaaeee! Get. Out. Of. Me. Now!"

Riley began to cry. I will admit I wanted to as well. But anger and agony are more pleasing than misery, I though, and so I only continued harder, evil, twisted laughs escaping from my mouth with my needle-sharp fangs bared.

Riley kept right on sobbing. "I never did anything w-wrong to you...!"

I slammed my fists into the wall I had him pinned up against, and trembled. I had to stop myself from clinging to him. I felt so desperate and pathetic. I just wanted my Ciel... My only, only, only one...

I let a stifled sigh escape, on the verge of tears, and said "...Suit yourself." I shoved him to the ground, and tossed a bag of money down at him.

"I-I... That was..." Then Riley whimpered, grabbed the bag, and darted off.

When he was gone and I was all alone in the rank alleyway, I sunk to the ground, and I sobbed because I could no longer help myself.

Mello had told me I wasn't a monster. What a lie.

"Mine, forever and eternally, my lord..."

"The only one I want to make love to is my young master..."

"Did you know that sometimes it hurts me when you reject me like that?"

And what the Hell have I managed to learn? I call Ciel the thick-skulled one. This makes me the ultimate hypocrite.

I remember so clearly now.

The moon may be pretty but it cannot be trusted. It is false; it's reasssurance is a lie. It is always changing, always disappearing-

But eventually, it reappears, does it not?

When the sun bids the moon to evanese, the sky is left alone in the dark. The night sky is left empty in the shadows. Dark and barren... like nothing. Just a pitch black nothingness.

But though the moon may disappear, it is never fully gone. It is always there, even when you cannot see it...

"But in the end, he'll return.. because he belongs to the sky."

The question is...

Will the moon be welcome?



    

Jack's Blog- "

Inside a boy
I found a universe
And in his eyes
Are a thousand stars
On a dark sky

We are clouds
We are whispers
Like fawns and shape-shifters
Our edges can never be found out
No, our edges keep moving further out

We are stars colliding
Now we crash
Like lightning into love
Love

In his arms
I'm unwinding
Under his kiss
I'm falling into love

We are stars colliding
Now we crash
Like lightning into love

We are stars colliding
Now we crash
Like lightning into love
Love

Love, love
Love, love, love, love, love...

I am currently posting this from the park. Just... sitting on a bench and watching the sunbeams dance across the cobblestone pavement, watching the slate-colored pigeons hop about as they scavenge for food, watching the millions of blade of emerald grass sway to the music now that flows through the gentle breeze.

And I love my life.

I may not be getting what I want. But I could care less. Because...

I saw Cambion yesterday whilst releasing the babies L's turtle had surprised us with into the lake. All but one- a little albino male- in which he named Jazz.

This child has been the light in my life since the moment I met him, such a day I'll never forget... In wolf form, I had sneaked into Trancy manor and found myself a nice woven basket of fresh blackberries. My muzzle and paws stained all purple, Cambion found me, and had wanted to keep me as a pet... When Keaira explained to him who my parents were, however, Cambion no longer cared for me and casted me aside.

I am glad he didn't keep me as a pet.

I came to see him again, when I was a bit older, and I grew up with him. Reflecting on all I've been through with him now, I am overcome with this feeling of warmth and comfort. I am at peace. Jazebel is dead, and I, Jack, is what remains. To give rise to a new beginning.

His words from last evening cease to stray from my memory:

"I never really said anything bad about her. Yeah, there wasn't really anything bad to say..."

"They were not flaws to me. They just made her more interesting. ...Sometimes my brother would say she was weird, and Ciel didn't like her either, but I would always tell them ther wasn't anything wrong with her at all."

"Name it Jazz. That can be a boy's name, too. ...I like that name."

Regarding my locket...

"I don't really take it off. I like wearing it. It had a note in it, and I will keep it in there so I don't lose it. I thought it was quite nice... I'm glad I got the note, because I got worried I'd never find it."

"I wasn't so aware how she felt about me, though. I feel kind of stupid. I didn't want her to love me. It was unfair. Because I don't want to love anyone in the same way."

"Ah, I just feel bad about it now. If I'd known, I may have been able to make her feel a tiny bit better at least. I can't help it; I also wish I had said nothing to Ciel because I was the one that got her killed in the first place. I made sure Ciel and Sebastian found out what happened to their children. I promised I wouldn't tell."

I specifically told him this: "You did the right thing; it was the right thing to do. You shouldn't regret anything."

Of course, he did not listen.

"I do, and I always will." he said. "I'm sorry it happened."

When I looked back at him, he placed Jazz on the ground, and hid his face. Looking closely, I caught him letting his tears stream down his face. What he said next bewildered me.

"I don't deserve to be forgiven by anyone."

Damn him...

"She was one of my best friends. How chould I have even considered doing that? I also told her I would speak to Ciel to get the order for Sebastian to kill called off. I didn't get to him quick enough, therefore, I failed her for that reason, as well. It's true. Don't try and tell me that it's not true."

"I want to personally tell her I am sorry, but I can't. I am sad, and upset. If you ever kill a friend of yours, you'll understand how awful it will make you feel. I feel like shit right now. Until now, I haven't really grieved over her death."

"You look so much like her, and I really miss her. It's the eyes. I'm trying my hardest not to mourn. The note said she didn't want me to be sad after her passing."

And for a moment, he relaxed, and leaned on me. "Your turtle is going to waddle away..." he murmured.

I never thought he might feel so guilty, regrettful.

From here on out, I have made it my personal mission to make him feel better.

He sentenced me to this new life, so I must repay him. I will devote myself to him even if my sacrifices are not returned. It may sound foolish, but I owe so much to him.

Kare wa watashi no kita no hoshidearu. Kare no egao,-kō. Soshite watashi wa watashi no kokoro ni kare o ie ni shitagawanakereba naranai.

I wish this lovely sutā every happiness, even if it is not me who grants such a wish. Often it is the star who grants the wish- but now the wisher must repay him, out of humbleness, for I am grateful.

He may never love me, but for his sake, and mine, I will always love him.

He deserves to feel forgiven, and so much more.

And I will ensure he acknowledges this.

-Jack. ^^

Sebastian's Blog- For the Heart I Once Had, For Love, and For Hate...

It is...


seven fourty eight in the morning as I am typing up this blog.


All that surrounds me is this blue haze of light that seems to dance from out the hotel window, into the black darkness that had existed before the sun arose. There is nothing but the ticking of the clock, and the chattering of childrens' voices outside at the pool. If I close my eyes, and listen closely, I can imagine being back at the manor, lying in bed just in those precious moments of peace before Ciel wakes up, and rolls over to look at me with those softly glowing moonstones. And we can hear the harmonious laughter of our children outside... Our youngest ones in particular; Lecea, who is ten, and Esperanza and Eiri, who are three. How I love them...

There will be no doubt I am going to miss them all terribly. As a matter of fact, as I was leaving last night, our eldest, Lachrimae, tried to stop me. But despite even that, I was not about to give into his pleads. In the end, I slammed the door in his face and left.


That was probably the worst display of parenting I have ever presented, and though I am not proud of it, I must move on. This is only what I have asked for, after all.


The events of yesterday will haunt me perhaps for all eternity. But I knew from the very start what I was getting into, and what I wanted, even if I was far past drunk and in a state of subconcious mind.


What started out as a nice, friendly afternoon with Mello gradually began to take a turn for the worse, drink after drink after drink. Right out of the bottle like an uncivilized viking or something of the sort.


I never do this...


We somehow ended up on a sofa, and I began to contemplate... Mello said something I must have found insulting, and I pinned him down firmly below myself and snarled at him a bit. My viciousness was soon transformed into sheer seduction, because my mind must have dubbed it a rather good idea.


It has become clear that I am losing my conscience.


The rest is a blur to me. From what I can remember, Mello had attempted to leave before the situation given could get any worse, but I- albeit in demon form- dragged him straight back into the manor with a possessive grasp, and of all things, I handcuffed him to the steel coffee table and bid that he be welded there until I was done toying with him.


I took a firm hold of his ankles- he had been squirming prior, but at this action, he froze over and stared at me with eyes wide as saucers- and I thought "What actions would provoke Ciel the most?"


With every struggle and cry Mello gave, I inched closer, staring at a bite wound on his neck he had claimed I'd given him minutes before. Yet I could not remember having done this, so I ignored it and decided to listen to what else he had to say.


Our words in the form of harsh whispers would bounce off the bare walls and marble floors of the manor house, comebacks following such a pattern, and they shot through the static-shocked air as if they were bullets.


"Your kind is a delicacy to me. You, to me, are but food and a sex toy." Yes, that's it, create a diversion.


"Friend? Ha! Expectations of being respectable, and granting respect back? My, my... How very foolish of you. Having any expectations for a devil? That's a joke, correct?"


This really hadn't a thing to do with Mello himself. He was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time and henceforth became my poor, unfortunate victim. I was drunk, irritated, and ambitious.


I finished soon enough and set Mello free.


Then I stared at my mess on the floor adjacent to the table, a smirk creeping across my lips.


What am I looking to accomplish, exactly? Oh, I know just what...


When Ciel entered upon this stage I had set up, he seemed to step immediately over to where the coffee table was, and he stared directly at the gift I had left just for him.


"How did this happen?" he asked me, not even bothering to let his gaze drift from the mess.


"Oh. Well... I raped a weak link." I smiled.


"You what?"


"I raped Mello."


Ciel turned on a heel so that he could stare at me. "Why on Earth would you do that?!"


"He was in the wrong place at the wrong time."


"You're saying... it could've been anyone?" And by now, I could tell, he was growing immensely pestered.


"More or less."


And then he shot me a gaze of complete shock and horror and confusion. He bit down hard on his lip and I grinned devilishly as his facial pigmintation reddened in fury.


"Why-?!"


He told me this so frequently, that I wanted to tell him now: "...You're over reacting."


Ciel took a step back, away from me, his eyebrows furrowed in bewilderment. I had betrayed him, and, oh, the amusement as I noticed him trembling...! It was simply delicious.


"Over reacting?! Sebastian! How dare you even- Ugh!"


Sebastian, Sebastian, Sebastian...!

"...A dog. You named me after a dog. How I hate this name." I muttered under my breath. "Yes, over reacting indeed."


"Nothing. You respect nothing I do for you, whether it be on a boat, or even giving you a name!You say I'm ungrateful, you ignorant hypocrite!" Ciel snarled in retaliation, fumbling with the wedding band that fit so perfectly on his long, skinny finger.


I noticed and only wanted more. I wanted him to snap.


"Yes, yes. Finally, the words I have been waiting to hear for such a long time now..."


And he did.


He slipped off the golden ring and tossed it directly at my feet, his expression infalliable.


"Here, take that back, too. I've got no use for it anymore."


I suppose I must have come to, if even, just slightly, then. For I said to him, "This is for the better, You'll be better off without me. You know this."


"Better, yes. Get out, now." He pointed to the door, and so I did as I was told and advanced on it.


I knew he had his back turned to me, as always, even if I could not see him.


"You'll be safe now, and happy. That's all I wanted for you. Yet I could never...- So I had to make you hate me, you see. So very much..."


It was then that Lachrimae came bolting into the room (I am guessing he must have been spying) and attempted to stop me. This is when I slammed the door on his face, and left.


***


What has become of us now, my only love?

What but a negative situation can mae you understand, if even, just a little bit?


My logic, to you, must seem genuinely insane. But I truly am insane, after all. We all are, really.


Ciel, my love, I have to be selfish. I will not be returning. I cannot continue on like this.


One hundred and twenty-five years, if my math is correct. That is how long we have known each other. The words in my last post hold true. I have scrutinized over raising you correctly, and yet, I will be frank. I am not satisfied with the results. Where did I go wrong, I wonder? I suppose I really cannot take all the credit, but I do blame myself. You will not talk to me. If something is bothering you, you will bottle it up and then go sneak alcohol, and drink yourself silly. I remember when I caught you smoking weed of all things, and I was not proud. Why would you do such a thing? Is it my fault?


I have come to the conclusion that it really is. I am to blame.


What have I done to you? My master, on our faithful day, I did warn you of the consequence of being contracted to a demon and selling off your soul to Satan. Now everybody knows why.


But as the contract is now void, as it shall be forevermore, I have decided to free you. In the long run, the feelings you may have for me will drift away. There will be less pain. If you, the almighty Ciel Phantomhive, do indeed feel pain. You are so stoic at times, I honestly do not feel as if we were married. You have grown so accustomed to me being your servant, however, that I cannot come to blame you.


I only wish I had done a better job. I have failed you, my lord, and I am gravely sorry.


I want you to grow to hate me. Or just simply forget me. I would much rather you not dwell. I fell in love with you and forced you into all of this, without so much as letting you think.

And because I love you... this makes sense to me.

I need to be away from you now so that you may accomplish all that I know you are capable of and grow to be independent. There will be no more of my to restrain you nor to rely on.


If you come after me, I will but push you away. So I beg of you- do not. Leave things as they are. Though I doubt you would be foolish enough to come crawling to me.


I will watch over you, to ensure your safety, as I always have tried to do.


And do not think I remain oblivious to my flaws. I am quite aware of them. I appreciate you, know that. I appreciate every little thing you do for me, whether it be purchasing that boat, or attempting to bake me that cake. I cannot tell you how immensely grateful I am when I know you are thinking of me. It warms me to the core and sends shivers down my spine... I am the happiest devil in all existence to have been given your love.

But that's over now.


I belong in the farthest reaches of Hell. There is a reputation I must regain along with my rank in the hierachy. I am a suffering, ravenous spirit who craves souls to torment. I am being driven mad by starvation.


Nonetheless...


Sicut cor meum, salva custodiret. Ego amplius non indigere. Pertinet ad te, et tantum. Aeternitas.
Amo te, O Ciel. Tu mihi caelum. At ego sane a diabolo. Delictorum meorum non potest esse satisfactum. Paradisum amissum est ad me adhuc. Et iterum mea electa est.


Donec nec erat cor aliquando, tamen adhuc id agnoscunt

Amo te.

Valete.

-He who hasn't a name.

RP Blog One

Note: This blog is exclusively for the characters I RP. I will write these as often as possible instead of spamming dA with them. >.>' I will choose characters at random depending on who is being victimized with the most drama at the time these are posted. Let us begin, shall we?

-Sebastian Michaelis-

I come to despise each passing day with a burning passion. Yes, the more time wears on, the more enraged I become. In fact, if the Apocalypse does indeed occur, I ensure everyone I will be the cause of it.

I will admit, in the beginning, when you were reincarnated into a demon by Hannah, I blamed you. I hated you with a horrible, putrid passion that burned deep within me. I thought of the blackest oaths I could and applied them to you with every breath I heard escape those tiny nostrils of yours. But, one night- a very rare night where I found the fatigue enough to fall into a deep sleep- I dreamt, and watched as you sat there, on the monochrome checkered tiles of the manor's foyer, and sunk your needle-sharp fangs within your wrist; sat watching the blood trickle down your deathly pale arm. I watched as you cried when you saw the wound healing, and the blood disappearing. I realized then that you wanted this no more than I did. As a raped and emotionally scarred human child, you had wanted to die, even during our time together as master and servant, earl and butler, dog and bitch. The impact of you living for eternity not only affected me, but you as well. You would never get your "eternal peace," as you humans believe. Instead, you must hide away in the shadows and the ominous darkness, forever magnificent, forever youthful, and forever tormented by your oh so tragic past. It was then that I vowed I would give you a reason for living forever, a reason, I thought, to make you smile...

After that night, all I could think about when I thought of you was what I had done to you. Not what Claude, Alois, and Hannah had done, but what I myself had done. I condemned you to this eternal life, I treated you inhumanly. And now when you slap me and punish me, I like it (I complain, yes, I know, but only so that I may misguide you- for these are my true feelings), for it feels as if I am paying for my crimes against you.

What has become of us now, my only love?


-Lecea Seleby Michaelis-Phantomhive-

I am very disappointed with myself.

I really let my Bambi down...

I let my Daddy touch me, 'cause, I didn't want him to get angry with me and not like me anymore. I don't know why he did it in particular, really. I never expected him to and certainly did not want him to. To be frank, it disgusted me to an extent.

I suppose my logic wasn't very logical after all... But what was I to do?

I told Bambi, and I could tell he was extremely upset, although he obviously tried to play it off. I ended up getting so angry- Because, I thought, perhaps he was thinking I was choosing my daddy over him- that I threw a roll of duct tape at him and smashed his precious little music box to shards.

Of course, I felt immensely guilty and fixed it right away... And when I finished, he ran back up to his room, choking back sobs.

Left alone, I let my anger boil over until one of my legs shoot out from beneath me and kick at the wall. And the next thing I knew, I heard myself shriek and I fell to the ground below.

I was, at the moment, numb to any pain. What I was feeling in my heart was what hurt the most. But when Bambi asked me what was hurting me, my pride got the better of me, and I just could not admit that to him.

Bambi heard and raced down to try and help me. But I didn't want him to see me hurt, so I told him to go away. I realise now, pushing him away was a genuinely stupid option.

I am supposed to be strong, but I am indeed very fragile. What has occured has proven just that. This is where I have gone wrong; I've lost my one and only friend somewhere along in this bitterness, and...

Regret has no place in this life of mine. The only salvation can be found in the-

I tried to climb back upstairs to my room. What a mistake- I made it nearly to the very top and then went tumbling all the way back down.

I am more than certain my whole left leg is fractured. Shattered, actually.

Sweet Satan, I beg of you, do not let my beloved Bambi hear my sobs... Anything but that, I would get on my hands and knees, do not reveal to him this weakness...

I want to die, because I do not want to look back on all the past mistakes I have made; I wish time could stop moving foward so that there would be no regrets to look back on. But, doesn't everyone wish that? Aside the fact I am immortal, I cannot die because I sitll have some lingering hope that everything will get better in time.

I cannot- I refuse- to simply give up.

I love Bambi immensely. I do not care if I am but ten years of age. Supposedly, no one knows what love truly is, henceforth, who is anyone to tell me I do not know I love my Bambi?

I know. And I will never stop acknowledging that fact, even if- perhaps when- he does.

I only wish I could tell him this to his face. Yes, I would take all the shame and blame to my grave if I was not immortal.

Thus, I am doomed to live for eternity...


-Malphas Mephisto Trancy-

I.

Am.

A.

[Insert insult here.]

I told Alois he did not appeal to me as much as he used to, simply because I was uncomfortable- if not, angry- with the fact he is going on a one month love-making strike. And for what? To prove to Ciel that it can indeed be accomplished.

I feels like it has been a month already, when it has really been three weeks. Probably due to the fact he has already attempted to do this prior...

And I ruined it because I am a complete failure of a husband.

So not only did I say I did not find him appealing because I was upset, but because I was trying to divert my thoughts and grow accustomed to the idea for myself.

Sex isn't important to me for any real perverted reason. It simply makes me feel close to my husband. They say it creates the strongest bond two people can possess... I miss the warmth of his body. I miss being one with him. For me, it has never been about just loving him- but about loving us. And when we are one, we are "us". Malphas and Alois. Together.

I miss us.

I miss him.

It is not as if he had truly gone anywhere, however...

He turned up drunk at the Phantomhive estate the other day with a stab wound to a leg. Apparently, he had vexed Sebastian to such an extent and had gone so far as to try to seduce him- And so, viola! Silverware ninja. I grew oh so very jealous when I heard my husband was running to another person for sex. My husband. Mine...!

Alois already has a thing for my own mother, and now Sebastian? This is a joke, yes? No, of course it isn't. Nothing ever seems to be a nice, innocent joke around here.

I feel I have been far too tolerant with Alois. I don't care if he says I am overreacting. Does he not care that I love h im? He wants everyone to love him in this same way, and I suddenly don't feel as special anymore.

Marriage means nothing to people these days.

All the shameful things I have done, simply to please him, hoping stupidly that he would think more of me.

That tolerant Malphas is no more.

R.I.P.

When we arrived home, I refused to heal his wound, and told him that he was going to have to suffer awhile and let it heal itself. Hence, no more cheating his way out of physical pain.

I treated it with peroxide and gauze and such, of course... I am not so careless.

Alois, why do I see this wall being buit up between us suddenly? ...Built up around me? If I do not excape their arising, I will be caged and go truly insane, like a wild, rabid animal.

I am afraid.


-Keaira Dimitri Trancy-

Claude came home high.

I don't remember what happened...

Maybe I was high, as well...

But I haven't bothered with drugs or even alcohol in quite a long period of time, ever since Aranis's death. I do occasionally have a smoke, but I doubt-

I honestly felt more like a zombie that day.

It is vital I speak with Claude about his behaviour. I will not have him doing drugs in front of our little Aurelei.

I want to ask him to marry me...

What if I botch up again? I always manage to, somehow...

I suppose I'll never know if I don't try. I may be afraid, but...

I need to buy some more flowers for Aranis's grave tomorrow. I wonder what he would prefer this time... Roses, tulips, irises, petunias... I take him new ones every Sunday, and clean around his grave as thoroughly as I possibly can...

It's the least I could do for him...

Aurelei ate a firefly and her mouth glowed for quite a while. I must remind her that even if it is a lovely shade of green, she mustn't eat bugs, and until then, I can only hope Claude does not assume spider form anytime soon around her.

That would... just be strange.


-Jack Keehl-

Craptastic.

Hey, guys, guess what? I'm a dude. Dad gave me "the talk". One comment: I will absolutely never, ever, let my curiosity get the better of me around him anymore. I am officially scarred for life.

Epic fail.

Now that I'm back from barfing into a doggie bag, guess who I ran into in town the other day? Riley. Yeah, I was like "Uh, not coolio. I have Peter Pan peanut butter, and I just know this creep will stalk me until he's got his grimy paws on it."

And that is exactly what happened. I played dumb, of course, like the blonde I am. He called me a boring kid, man, which like... which like, was THE biggest insult in the history of all insults. I am not amused.

Speaking of Mister Riley, I have yet to see Cambion again. I really want to, if even just a glimpse is what I capture of him, just so that I know he's all right. I have acknowleged he now possesses the locket I once wore around my neck when I was called "Jazebel", or, more commonly, "Jazz".

So I suppose, if he has discovered the note I left within it, he knows I love him. I know it is obviously a strictly one-sided thing, but... I believe he has always been worth it.

I never strived to be much of anything to him, because he once told me that "I want people to love me, but I won't just love them in return." I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of winning this tedious game. But I guess, in the end, I have lost unintentionally. I'm probably his least important friend, after Keaira and Ciel, and perhaps others I don't know about. Man, he would go on forever about those two, though... And I would sit there, and listen intently with a smile plastered on my face, losing myself in his lovely voice and fathomless gaze...

I never thought I would actually fall for him.

I mean, crazy, right? Loca en la cabeza, 'cause... Yeah. What happened, and why have I failed to harden my heart?

I believe I have only ever kissed him once, quickly, though, and he kissed my cheek. Of course, we were playing Truth-or-are, and I was drunk on coconut rum. But I wish now that I had shown him a more worthy display of affection. Perhaps when I said my good-byes to him, on that last day... One last kiss, just to show how much I cared.

I never did kiss him good-bye.

Of course, that doesn't matter now. I don't want him to know who I am. I don't want to worry I might never see him again.

I never wanted to grow up.

I never wanted to leave him.

I never wanted to stop being his friend.

What drove me so insane that I became a murderer?

I wonder if he even so much as thinks of me, after all the wrongs I have done.

Ah... And I most certainly cannot bring him chocolate anymore. Shame, shame...

I shall watch him from afar, watch him grow up and flourish. He has such potential- and I do believe in him, a hundred and ten percent. And if harm dare comes his way, I shall protect him, for I am immortal.

And I will not bow.

-Lachrimae Branwen Michaelis-Phantomhive-

So, things have happened, yeah. My life needs time to define its new path and lead me away from this limbo I am currently trapped in.

I honestly don't have much to say, but I will say this much:

This is my chance to start anew and find my own way in life, independent, so that I may find who I am alone. I no longer wish to be long; I am determined to find myself, and I shall. I will make my parents proud. I vow it on my life, starting now.

I refuse to come out a failure in the end.

-L-

...I have a bun in the oven.

And strawberries in the fridge, as well. ^^ *goes to eat*

Fin.~