Jack's Blog- "

Inside a boy
I found a universe
And in his eyes
Are a thousand stars
On a dark sky

We are clouds
We are whispers
Like fawns and shape-shifters
Our edges can never be found out
No, our edges keep moving further out

We are stars colliding
Now we crash
Like lightning into love
Love

In his arms
I'm unwinding
Under his kiss
I'm falling into love

We are stars colliding
Now we crash
Like lightning into love

We are stars colliding
Now we crash
Like lightning into love
Love

Love, love
Love, love, love, love, love...

I am currently posting this from the park. Just... sitting on a bench and watching the sunbeams dance across the cobblestone pavement, watching the slate-colored pigeons hop about as they scavenge for food, watching the millions of blade of emerald grass sway to the music now that flows through the gentle breeze.

And I love my life.

I may not be getting what I want. But I could care less. Because...

I saw Cambion yesterday whilst releasing the babies L's turtle had surprised us with into the lake. All but one- a little albino male- in which he named Jazz.

This child has been the light in my life since the moment I met him, such a day I'll never forget... In wolf form, I had sneaked into Trancy manor and found myself a nice woven basket of fresh blackberries. My muzzle and paws stained all purple, Cambion found me, and had wanted to keep me as a pet... When Keaira explained to him who my parents were, however, Cambion no longer cared for me and casted me aside.

I am glad he didn't keep me as a pet.

I came to see him again, when I was a bit older, and I grew up with him. Reflecting on all I've been through with him now, I am overcome with this feeling of warmth and comfort. I am at peace. Jazebel is dead, and I, Jack, is what remains. To give rise to a new beginning.

His words from last evening cease to stray from my memory:

"I never really said anything bad about her. Yeah, there wasn't really anything bad to say..."

"They were not flaws to me. They just made her more interesting. ...Sometimes my brother would say she was weird, and Ciel didn't like her either, but I would always tell them ther wasn't anything wrong with her at all."

"Name it Jazz. That can be a boy's name, too. ...I like that name."

Regarding my locket...

"I don't really take it off. I like wearing it. It had a note in it, and I will keep it in there so I don't lose it. I thought it was quite nice... I'm glad I got the note, because I got worried I'd never find it."

"I wasn't so aware how she felt about me, though. I feel kind of stupid. I didn't want her to love me. It was unfair. Because I don't want to love anyone in the same way."

"Ah, I just feel bad about it now. If I'd known, I may have been able to make her feel a tiny bit better at least. I can't help it; I also wish I had said nothing to Ciel because I was the one that got her killed in the first place. I made sure Ciel and Sebastian found out what happened to their children. I promised I wouldn't tell."

I specifically told him this: "You did the right thing; it was the right thing to do. You shouldn't regret anything."

Of course, he did not listen.

"I do, and I always will." he said. "I'm sorry it happened."

When I looked back at him, he placed Jazz on the ground, and hid his face. Looking closely, I caught him letting his tears stream down his face. What he said next bewildered me.

"I don't deserve to be forgiven by anyone."

Damn him...

"She was one of my best friends. How chould I have even considered doing that? I also told her I would speak to Ciel to get the order for Sebastian to kill called off. I didn't get to him quick enough, therefore, I failed her for that reason, as well. It's true. Don't try and tell me that it's not true."

"I want to personally tell her I am sorry, but I can't. I am sad, and upset. If you ever kill a friend of yours, you'll understand how awful it will make you feel. I feel like shit right now. Until now, I haven't really grieved over her death."

"You look so much like her, and I really miss her. It's the eyes. I'm trying my hardest not to mourn. The note said she didn't want me to be sad after her passing."

And for a moment, he relaxed, and leaned on me. "Your turtle is going to waddle away..." he murmured.

I never thought he might feel so guilty, regrettful.

From here on out, I have made it my personal mission to make him feel better.

He sentenced me to this new life, so I must repay him. I will devote myself to him even if my sacrifices are not returned. It may sound foolish, but I owe so much to him.

Kare wa watashi no kita no hoshidearu. Kare no egao,-kō. Soshite watashi wa watashi no kokoro ni kare o ie ni shitagawanakereba naranai.

I wish this lovely sutā every happiness, even if it is not me who grants such a wish. Often it is the star who grants the wish- but now the wisher must repay him, out of humbleness, for I am grateful.

He may never love me, but for his sake, and mine, I will always love him.

He deserves to feel forgiven, and so much more.

And I will ensure he acknowledges this.

-Jack. ^^